This all reminds me of when I first arrived in California in 1977.

I was in a gas station and asked if they had a map.

The server looked at the floor and asked what I had spilled.

hhhhhmmmmmmmmm poutine,personally I like the poutine at Swiss Chalet

Sad man, VERY Sad man.

I hate Tim's and fast food places for the same reason. I half expect to be asked how many grains of sugar with something.

Egg and bacon sounded so complicated at Montreal airport once.

Its daunting until you figure out that if you tell them EXACTLY what you want up front, then they dont have to ask you 20 questions to figure it out.

I guess Im saying you get used to it, and the choice / customisation level is actually a good thing, once you know what you want... unless you dont want tomato and still insist on speaking english proper like.

Calm, deep breath.

Eats shoots and leaves.

Or summat.

Are you suggesting it's tomahto?

Im suggesting that sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get what you want "When in Rome" and all that... I still feel dirty afterwards though

I know, they do some funny things in Rome (so I've heard).

I thought I'd covered all options with my "one regular black coffee, one sugar and one regular white coffee, no sugar" but apparently not.

I go to Harveys occasionally. I give them a list of what goes in each of four burgers. Half the time I get home and it's not right. Perhaps if they spent less time asking me if I wanted things that I'd have asked for if I wanted them they might get it right.

It's no secret that I have a preference for McDonald's coffee. I have also become quite addicted to their grilled chicken wraps over the last few months.

A couple of months ago, when they were running their chicken wrap/Chipotle sauce promotion (big signs and adverts with the word "Chipotle" plastered all over), I visited one of their restaurants and had the following dialogue with one of their servers:-

Me: "Hello, I'd like a grilled chicken wrap with chipotle sauce and a coffee"
Server: "Would you like crispy chicken or grilled chicken?"
Me: "Grilled, please"
Server: "With barbecue sauce?"
Me, pointing to the Chicken wrap sign, which clearly stated "with either Chipotle sauce or <some other inferior, unwanted sauce>": "yes the Chip-Ol-tay."
Server :"The barbecue sauce?"
Me: "Yes."
...
So I got my order then, while walking out, overheard the server saying "why couldn't he just say 'barbecue", like everyone else?"

Someone said that to me. So last year when I was visiting the Italian capital, I released a pack on lions into a church, and then forced any survivors to fight to the death.

G'wan, you've at least met bazzz, haven't you?

Honestly guv, I've never met Baz, Gaz, Taz or Shaz, although I once saw Brian Blessed eating a pork pie on Doncaster bus. Do you know him?