rubberduckofdeath

Hey!

I'm getting married in just over two weeks and wondered if any of you would like to share any tips for my speech - I'm the groom, BTW!

<awaits responses such as "there's still time to back out", "don't do it" etc>

Jingsamichty

Compliment your new mother-in-law by saying something like "I'm looking forward to getting older with new wife, expecially if she turns into a ravishing minx of a MILF like her mother over there. Raaarrrrr."

geo4

I like this. Make sure you make the shocker hand symbol too.

mandymoochops

was at a wedding at the weekend and the groom used the old "10 words a woman uses and what they really mean" quote.

Grnated lots of people have heard it - but it ALWAYS raises a laugh, and if you throw in some little persoal anecdotes along with each one then you're onto a winner

http://www.pages2send.com/womenswords/

fledermaus

ask if anyone knows the football results.

victorfoxtrot

how about any amusing anecdotes from your first date or how you first met? I remember the groom's speech at a university friend's wedding where they both met - he fell for her before she got struck by cupid, and he remembered fondly how she reacted when he first suggested going for a quick coffee, to which she replied shaking her head 'erm...naah, I don't think so, thanks anyway, but I'd better be going now' and scurried away leaving him quite crestfallen. It got some good laffs - even from the bride as she recalled the moment she cut him down to size.

Oink

When you get up, say you didn't expect to have to do a speech and have nothing prepared then recite John Cooper Clarke's (I Married a) Monster from Outer Space.

Jingsamichty

Or get up and launch into a Charlie Sheen rant.

southerncomfort

Just don't start it with, "as fat birds go..." and you should be alright.