What are your favorite quotes........famous or just ones you've made up


Here's a few to start with.........

"The hardest part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid"
Richard Braunstien

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on"
Dean Martin

"Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage the y becomes silent"
Anon

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort"
Herm Albright

"Once you become famous, there is nothing left to become but infamous"
Don Johnson

"The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain"
Chinese origin

"The face of a child can say it all.......especially the mouth part of the face"
Jack Handey

"China is a big country with a lot of Chinese people living there"
former French President Charles De Gaulle

"A coward is a hero with a wife, kids and mortgage"
Marvin Kitman

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country"
Mayor Barry

"Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether i win or lose"
Darrin Weinberg

"May all your ups and downs only come in the bedroom"
Anon

"Never go to bed angry.....always stay up and argue"
Anon

"If you're going through hell......keep going"
Winston Churchill

"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer"
Henry Lawson

"I`ve stopped drinking.....but only while i`m asleep"
George Best

I wish I'd be at bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, "Look at me, I'm a giant witch."

Been there, done that

"If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

Lets see how long that post stays unedited................the Puritans will be along shortly!

Don't believe everything at face value ................judge accordingly.

but my wife tells me my face has 'no value'

"no you're not going f*****g fishing again"

Mandymoochops circa 8pm 26th July 2009

.......that would be enough to keep me home !

My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did gagoogidy that girl. I gashmoygadied her gaflavity with my googus. And I am sorry.

"I bunked off school for eight days in a row to sit and watch Grease over and over."

Vinnie Jones quote

GAY

Thats all I have to say about that!

My 15year old son's French teacher at his parents meeting, May 2009.....and Forrest Gump, 1994.

Do you want me to sit in the corner and rust, or just fall apart where I'm standing?