Essex girls!
 

A train hits a busload of Essex schoolgirls and they all perish.They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates pass St Peter.

St Peter asks the first girl (from Southend), "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a man's thing? "She giggles and shyly replies,"Well I once touched the head of one with tip of my finger". St Peter says, "OK,dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate".

St Peter ask the next girl (from Chelmsford) the same question, "Kelly have you ever had any contact with a man's thing?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies "well once I fondled and stroked one". St Peter says "OK, dip you whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate".

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and the girl from Romford is pushing her way to the front of the line. Whenshe reaches the front of the line St Peter says "Tracy! "What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies ... "If I am going to have to gargle that Holy Water ... I want to do it before Lorraine sticks her arse in it!!".

Re: Essex girls!
 

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Re: Essex girls!
 

Q: What's an Essex girls favorite wine?
A: aw go-on take me to lakeside please please go-on take me

Q: What's an Essex Girls form of protection?
A: Bus Shelters

Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a Bag of Crisps?
A: You only get one bang out of a bag of crisps

Q: How may Essex girls does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?.
A: Five. One to make the mixture and Four to peel the Smarties.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you've dumped your load in it.

Q: What does an Essex girl say after sex?
A: "Do you really all play for the same football team?"

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board?
A: An ironing boards legs are difficult to part.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?
A: An Essex girl has a higher sperm count.

Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her feet.

Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a plate of spaghetti?
A: Spaghetti moves when you eat it.

Q: What does an Essex girl do with her ass-hole after sex?
A: She takes him down the pub.

Q: What makes an Essex girls eyes light up?
A: A torch shone in her ear.

Q: How do you know when an Essex girl's had an orgasm?
A: She drops her bag of chips.

Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and the Titanic?
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

Q: What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of it's own.

An Essex girl is driving along and asks her boyfriend to kiss her somewhere warm, wet and smelly.
He tells her that it's to late to drive to Canvey Island.

Q: Why do Essex Girls wear knickers?
A: To keep their ankles warm

Re: Essex girls!
 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Re: Essex girls!
 

LMFAO Im an Essex girl from Basildon and I still find those funny!!!

Re: Essex girls!
 

me too - I'm from South Woodham!

Re: Essex girls!
 

Chavtastic:lol:

Re: Essex girls!
 

I'm only an honourary one! ... if that's even possible ... and I hope it isn't! :p

:lol:

Re: Essex girls!
 

You forgot...
Q. How does an Essex girl turn the light on?
A. She opens the car door.

I'm sure there are more but can't think of 'em - most of them told to me by people trying to upset/confuse an Essex Girl
:rofl: :rofl:

Re: Essex girls!
 

What do you call a Essex girl with half a brain?
Gifted!

What do you call a Essex girl with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant

Why aren't Essex girls good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

What did the Essex girl's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met

Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

What's the difference between a Essex girl and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once

Why don't Essex girls eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar

Re: Essex girls!
 

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker.
"Ten" replies the Essex girl.
"Ten?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, and Wayne"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl, "it's great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"


Oh I'm on a roll now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Essex girls!
 

: What's the mating call of the Essex girl?

A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"


Q: What is the mating call of the ugly Essex girl?

A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"


Q: What's the mating call of the London girl?

A: "All the Essex girls have gone home!"


Q: What's the mating call of the Geordie girl?

A: "Next!"

Ok I'm done with the Essex girl jokes now - you can tell I'm an Essex girl, I'm not insulted by the jokes!:o :o :o

Re: Essex girls!
 

Me too, I'm from Billericay

Re: Essex girls!
 

Billericay and South Woodham are the posher parts of Essex, but nice to see were being represented!!

Love the one about the ten kids!!!

Re: Essex girls!
 

My auntie lived in Stock, that was a lovely part of Essex to live. As kids, we used to cycle along the lanes to the lady who grew tomatos and sold them from her home. Wish I could go back there, but the prices are so horrific.

I used to go swimming with my school in Basildon and I saw Star Wars at some cinema there, can't remember what the place was called. I wish I could wind back my life:(