Disaster for us
Nov 21st 2008, 12:15 pm
#16
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,361
Re: Disaster for us
Here are the links to mental health teams and support groups in
Vancouver.Support group like Changeways program at UBC requires a
referral by a GP or Psychiatrist.
http://www2.vpl.vancouver.bc.ca/DBs/...Pgs/6/663.html
http://www.addcoach4u.com/vancouver/...onsupport.html
Vancouver.Support group like Changeways program at UBC requires a
referral by a GP or Psychiatrist.
http://www2.vpl.vancouver.bc.ca/DBs/...Pgs/6/663.html
http://www.addcoach4u.com/vancouver/...onsupport.html
Nov 21st 2008, 1:35 pm
#17
Seasoned Maritimer
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick CA
Posts: 8,309
Re: Disaster for us
I too have lived through pressure at work over here. I can empathise.
Nov 23rd 2008, 6:06 am
#18
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Kamloops from London via New York
Posts: 456
Re: Disaster for us
Could you rent your house out and make enough on the income to pay the mortgage? Then sell up later when the market is moving more, or you could afford to take the hit?
It sounds like you would really like to return to the UK, and that your prospects would be better there. Do you think that is what the rest of your family would like to do?
We rented out our house in the UK to come over here. I suspect that I am making a small loss each month and will continue to do so, but it has freed us up to move.
I think whenever making a huge move such as emigrating there is always the risk that it won't work out. When things went wrong for us in New York (my husband's office closed, and with it went all of our visas) we were going to go back to England. As it happens we have moved again, but I don't think returning to the UK would have been an admission of failure, and even though my husband's experience in the States was a very poor one (bullying, a terrible work ethic and poor management practice) and we lost a great deal of money I still think our experience was on the whole a positive one. Knowing that lots of people would have been very glad to have us back also made a big difference.
If you were able to return to the UK do you think it would help your family dynamics? Or make it easier to access help perhaps?
It sounds like you would really like to return to the UK, and that your prospects would be better there. Do you think that is what the rest of your family would like to do?
We rented out our house in the UK to come over here. I suspect that I am making a small loss each month and will continue to do so, but it has freed us up to move.
I think whenever making a huge move such as emigrating there is always the risk that it won't work out. When things went wrong for us in New York (my husband's office closed, and with it went all of our visas) we were going to go back to England. As it happens we have moved again, but I don't think returning to the UK would have been an admission of failure, and even though my husband's experience in the States was a very poor one (bullying, a terrible work ethic and poor management practice) and we lost a great deal of money I still think our experience was on the whole a positive one. Knowing that lots of people would have been very glad to have us back also made a big difference.
If you were able to return to the UK do you think it would help your family dynamics? Or make it easier to access help perhaps?
Nov 23rd 2008, 10:11 am
#19
Happy here..
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Halifax,NS
Posts: 219
Re: Disaster for us
I'm sorry for you and our family.It must be tough but nothing ever stays the same, even the good stuff. You will get through it.
Go through it in steps...
Get help for what is happening today first.. your emotional state and your familys (how can you make any type of reasonable decisions if you feel lost and confused and maybe even gulity)
From there do what works for you, everyone is different.I make lists.Do's and don'ts / positives and negatives / disadvantages and advantages.I'm visual when I see it written down its much clearer and you can refer back to it.
You need to get a plan even if it rough,got holes in it, just having it will make you feel so much better .One step leads to another, things change bit by bit and thats when you will feel better and able to tackle things correctly with a clear head and have a better chance of making the right decision.
Don't run home quite yet.If you like Canada and and your family is settled try again.There are idiots everywhere you just got unlucky...You'll be OK,talk to people whoever you can,nobody can do it alone.
Keep us all posted on how you are.
Good luck,
Eve
Go through it in steps...
Get help for what is happening today first.. your emotional state and your familys (how can you make any type of reasonable decisions if you feel lost and confused and maybe even gulity)
From there do what works for you, everyone is different.I make lists.Do's and don'ts / positives and negatives / disadvantages and advantages.I'm visual when I see it written down its much clearer and you can refer back to it.
You need to get a plan even if it rough,got holes in it, just having it will make you feel so much better .One step leads to another, things change bit by bit and thats when you will feel better and able to tackle things correctly with a clear head and have a better chance of making the right decision.
Don't run home quite yet.If you like Canada and and your family is settled try again.There are idiots everywhere you just got unlucky...You'll be OK,talk to people whoever you can,nobody can do it alone.
Keep us all posted on how you are.
Good luck,
Eve
Nov 24th 2008, 2:22 am
#20
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Vancouver since Aug 2008!!!!!
Posts: 904
Re: Disaster for us
Firstly let me say I've created a new identity because I'm embarrassed about my situation. Things were looking up until very very recently. And now everything has gone wrong.
We came to Vancouver a few years ago. We couldn't have been happier at the prospect, and had planned this since 2001.
However our experience in Canada, particularly Vancouver, has been nothing short of a nightmare for many reasons.
My first employer was hiring people on short term contracts but going through the motions of giving out full time jobs. Of course had I known this I would have never subjected my family to this risk. So within a few months I found myself stranded here on a work permit and no right to work elsewhere.
Many employers are NOT sympathetic to people going through the immigration process. I had 6 months of interviews when I finally managed to find 2 open minded employers, to be offered the job and then have it withdrawn because they'd given up waiting for Canadian Immigration to get the paperwork in order.
Finally I found an employer who would sponsor through PNP and we're now fully landed. However, I recently had to leave the job due to excessive stress.
Now my entire family is in a state of deep depression, turning against each other. My daughter is starting to withdraw. This is so upsetting I cannot even describe it. My younger child is ok at the moment, but my spouse who's been in dispair has now turned on me. And to top it off there's nobody we can turn to here. Nobody cares.
I just want us to pack up and go. However nobody is selling homes and we bought a home so this option just doesn't exist.
Sorry that this message is confused. This is the state we're in. A lot of people are going to say this is just our situation, don't blame it on Canada. Well we're not blaming it on anyone. However this happened in Canada to a perfectly happy contented family. Canada IS part of all of this, perhaps all of this.
In part this post is a warning that things are not as rosy as people would have you believe. Secondly this is an appeal for help, but not for sympathy. We need good solid advice
Thank you
We came to Vancouver a few years ago. We couldn't have been happier at the prospect, and had planned this since 2001.
However our experience in Canada, particularly Vancouver, has been nothing short of a nightmare for many reasons.
My first employer was hiring people on short term contracts but going through the motions of giving out full time jobs. Of course had I known this I would have never subjected my family to this risk. So within a few months I found myself stranded here on a work permit and no right to work elsewhere.
Many employers are NOT sympathetic to people going through the immigration process. I had 6 months of interviews when I finally managed to find 2 open minded employers, to be offered the job and then have it withdrawn because they'd given up waiting for Canadian Immigration to get the paperwork in order.
Finally I found an employer who would sponsor through PNP and we're now fully landed. However, I recently had to leave the job due to excessive stress.
Now my entire family is in a state of deep depression, turning against each other. My daughter is starting to withdraw. This is so upsetting I cannot even describe it. My younger child is ok at the moment, but my spouse who's been in dispair has now turned on me. And to top it off there's nobody we can turn to here. Nobody cares.
I just want us to pack up and go. However nobody is selling homes and we bought a home so this option just doesn't exist.
Sorry that this message is confused. This is the state we're in. A lot of people are going to say this is just our situation, don't blame it on Canada. Well we're not blaming it on anyone. However this happened in Canada to a perfectly happy contented family. Canada IS part of all of this, perhaps all of this.
In part this post is a warning that things are not as rosy as people would have you believe. Secondly this is an appeal for help, but not for sympathy. We need good solid advice
Thank you
I am very sorry to hear of your situation.
Alot of what people have said is very sensible and something you may think of doing - calling crisis etc, and getting things off your chest with a person who's non judgemental etc...
I live in Vancouver, and curently work for a recruitment company. I have no idea what line of work you are in, but I'm more than happy to try and help if I can.
It seems however, you have family issues to resolve before getting back on the work wagon.
Anyway - PM if you want to, and I will do my best to help if I can, and even if I can't help job wise, I dont' mine being a sounding board for you either.
Take care of yourself.
Bx
Nov 24th 2008, 8:12 am
#21
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: One foot in Calgary, one in London
Posts: 1,102
Re: Disaster for us
Empathy from me too... When things start going wrong and you are undermined by stress you can be overwhelmed by a flurry of consecutive bad things (yep I too have worn the t-shirt). It sounds trite to say "Think Positive" but it's so important to get the mindset right.
In the end recovery is always a sequence of small steps. In the depth of my misery I couldn't see any reason to be positive... for me the first step was forcing myself to attend a yoga class (many had recommended it, I pooh-poohed the idea for too long). I came out feeling astonishingly less stressed and that tiny improvement generated just enough positivity for me to take the next step... and the next.
If I read you right, perhaps the most crucial thing in your case is to repair the family relationships. You have to find the 'right' counsellor (someone you all feel good with) for counselling to work, but when it does, it's brilliant at helping brush aside the time-consuming and energy-sapping stuff that's dragging everyone down and helping you focus on what's really necessary. For me that turned out to be my family over my career and I am so thankful I realised that before it was too late.
In the end recovery is always a sequence of small steps. In the depth of my misery I couldn't see any reason to be positive... for me the first step was forcing myself to attend a yoga class (many had recommended it, I pooh-poohed the idea for too long). I came out feeling astonishingly less stressed and that tiny improvement generated just enough positivity for me to take the next step... and the next.
If I read you right, perhaps the most crucial thing in your case is to repair the family relationships. You have to find the 'right' counsellor (someone you all feel good with) for counselling to work, but when it does, it's brilliant at helping brush aside the time-consuming and energy-sapping stuff that's dragging everyone down and helping you focus on what's really necessary. For me that turned out to be my family over my career and I am so thankful I realised that before it was too late.
Dec 4th 2008, 4:54 am
#22
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 9
Re: Disaster for us
Thank you everyone for your responses. I apologise for not responding earlier but am sure you understand that although these forums help, dealing with situations like ours involves spending less time of forums like this, although we're taking much of the advice here. I wasn't expecting so much constructive and practical advice, and it is this that is really helping us. I cannot tell you how much we appreciate this.
Our situation has not improved much but has changed. Feel free to PM me any time. I will respond when I'm logged in next.
Thank you again.
Our situation has not improved much but has changed. Feel free to PM me any time. I will respond when I'm logged in next.
Thank you again.
Dec 4th 2008, 1:44 pm
#23
Happy here..
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Halifax,NS
Posts: 219
Re: Disaster for us
GOOD LUCK , THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU
