calgary scroats at night
Feb 9th 2007, 2:50 pm
#31
Slightly Canadian
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: St. John's, Newfoundland
Posts: 10,129
Re: calgary scroats at night
Feb 9th 2007, 2:53 pm
#32
fortune favours the brave
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 143
Re: calgary scroats at night
Ah yes. After I found the '25 things that make you feel like a man' which I post below, I delighted for a while in saying to Mrs AX 'A phillips screwdriver for that? Are you mad, bint?!' But the resulting pain became too much to bear.
BTW, I'm surprised this thread hasn't been transported to the Maple Leaf by now. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink is clearly falling down on her job!
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policemen but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whistle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" "Grr, what does it look like".
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue,
apparently.Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARRVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17, TEST-SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off? Nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, "I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t".
25, CALLING YOUR MATE A ****** - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".
BTW, I'm surprised this thread hasn't been transported to the Maple Leaf by now. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink is clearly falling down on her job!
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policemen but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whistle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" "Grr, what does it look like".
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue,
apparently.Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARRVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17, TEST-SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off? Nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, "I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t".
25, CALLING YOUR MATE A ****** - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".
Feb 9th 2007, 3:01 pm
#33
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Windsor, ON; Chicago, IL
Posts: 6,713
Re: calgary scroats at night
Fasten your seatbelts, ensure all luggage is stowed... and enjoy your short flight with us today to the Maple Leaf.
Feb 9th 2007, 3:15 pm
#35
Banned
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: In Limbo
Posts: 15,706
Re: calgary scroats at night
Depends how far you wanna walk mate. Cross the road, head south and you'll find the blind beggar. NOT the most solubrious establishment but a good nite regardless.
Feb 9th 2007, 3:30 pm
#36
fortune favours the brave
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 143
Re: calgary scroats at night
Feb 9th 2007, 3:40 pm
#37
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2006
Location: GTeh?
Posts: 1,379
Re: calgary scroats at night
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
17, TEST-SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, "I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t".
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
17, TEST-SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, "I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t".
Fantastic
These are my favourites. And so true, I've seen them all!!!
Feb 9th 2007, 3:42 pm
#38
Banned
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: In Limbo
Posts: 15,706
Re: calgary scroats at night
Anybody else noticed the only posts this Guy has made are to open threads? 
Feb 9th 2007, 4:10 pm
#42
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Calgary
Posts: 1,480
Re: calgary scroats at night
I usually get a nose bleed goin' any further than south of downtown.
Seriously you'll be alright down there might bump into the odd munchkin, but thats it .
Feb 9th 2007, 5:12 pm
#43
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: The Republic of Bacon
Posts: 3,192
Feb 9th 2007, 5:19 pm
#45
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: The Republic of Bacon
Posts: 3,192
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