Atlantic Xpat

Famously espoused in 'Only fools and horses' .... 'Oi, Rodney you plonker!'
For me at least it is an insult that only really works for males. So, HWP you are not a plonker for getting this wrong.

Plonk in describing wine is, according to wikipedia an aliteration of 'vin blanc' http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/plonk and quite the different thing from a plonker.

Another profoundly british word of a similar nature is 'git'. A word that can be used on it's own or combined with others. One of my favourites is Marcus Brigstock's description of David Blaine (American popular stunt magician) as the 'git-wizard'.

Souvenir

My fave is bollocks. In my experience, this word is little known to North Americans (certainly to Quebeckers). I can use it almost anywhere with impunity. Probably only two other people in my neighbourhood use it. I live with them.

Souvette has yet to research the true meaning of the word "bint" and continues to answer to it.

hot wasabi peas

But I've heard women say, for example, 'oh and did he have right plonker' - or similar and it seemed to be considered vulgar... though not by me. I have never been sure if it's a word 'you can say in front of your mum' or not type of thing.

Souvenir

You can use it in that context. It's like calling someone a prick but less rude.

I still can't get over the fact that the F-word isn't rude here (not in the franco context, anyway).

hot wasabi peas

Git-wizard! PMSL... that's very good! But let's stay on the topic of scroats et al shall we?

hot wasabi peas

I like bollocks too!
This might be my favourite thread of the month!

poppy1

Scroat,my husband did 10 years in the Army and it's one of his little 'gems',I thought it was just a squaddie saying.Mind you he heard a dj on the radio last week say wanker and even he was like "what,you can't say that on the radio" I dunno you don't get kind of thing on Wake up to Wogan

hot wasabi peas

The four or five lettered F word?

Atlantic Xpat

OK in a similar vein( ):

Plonker
Wanker
Nobber
Tosser
Dickhead (Dick in itself is a more American word IMHO)
Nobhead
Bollocks
Balls
Lovespuds*

*Used in the phrase 'ohh he took a kick in the lovespuds' as opposed to 'what a load of lovespuds'

Souvenir

Five, I guess (fuque).

poppy1

What about the worst one of all, the 'c' word? does that have any meaning in Canada? Personally it doesn't count for me as like most girls I've ever spoken to, it's the one profanity I simply cannot bring myself to say.

hot wasabi peas

Souvenir

It has the same meaning. It is, however, used very,very rarely in my experience. In the six-plus years I have been here I have probably heard it less than ten times. Most of those occasions have involved my own mouth and DIY projects.

I have met some extremely rough people here - guys even the local police were afraid of. Even they didn't use it.

Atlantic Xpat

Ah yes. After I found the '25 things that make you feel like a man' which I post below, I delighted for a while in saying to Mrs AX 'A phillips screwdriver for that? Are you mad, bint?!' But the resulting pain became too much to bear.

BTW, I'm surprised this thread hasn't been transported to the Maple Leaf by now. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink is clearly falling down on her job!

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policemen but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whistle.

5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" "Grr, what does it look like".

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue,
apparently.Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15, CARRVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17, TEST-SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off? Nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, "I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t".

25, CALLING YOUR MATE A ****** - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".

hot wasabi peas

Yeah, it has meaning in Canada.

During my uni days I use to wear a tshirt with that word right on the front... until someone pointed out that because of the tie-dye the word actually looked like 'CANT'.