Best Short Joke ever?
 

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mum," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mum answered, "Not yet."


Enjoy!:thumbup:

Simon:cool:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

:rofl::frown:loved it:rofl::rofl:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Souvette loves that joke. A couple of days ago she repeated it at a conference, in front of rather senior military types. They pissed themselves.

Apparently she later spotted one of them walking around with his flies open.

"Sir; your brains are going to fall out".

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
;)

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Brilliant.:rofl:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Being a restaurant Manager I really appreciate that one :thumbsup:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

wow that kid is going to go far, as a 3 year old on bath night i remember being confused by the strange bubbles, that appeared every so often.

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.
Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.
"What do you have in your pocket?", she asked.
"Tennis ball,? the man said smiling back.
"Wow," said the blond looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"
:eek:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says "You’re the biggest man I have ever seen". The man nods his head, and replies " I’m 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown.” The dwarf faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I’m 6 - 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown.” The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. “For a minute there, I thought you said ‘Turn Around’.”
:curse:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago." The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."
:ohmy:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

**** off.

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
:wub:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him "Do you love your wife?" so he replies "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" asks the interviewer. "Yes I do, sir.", interviewer continues, "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" he replies "My country, sir." The interviewer looks at the man, "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..."The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!", to which the guy replies, "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"
:thumbup:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Jack and Tom, are having a beer in a saloon when a cowboy walks in with an Indian's head under his arm. He hands it to the bartender, and the bartender hands him money. The bartender turns to them and says, "I hate Indians. Last week they burnt my barn to the ground and killed my wife and three kids. Anybody brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give them a thousand bucks." Jack and Tom guzzle their beers and leave to go hunt Indians. After a while, they finally spot one. Jack throws a rock, it hits him on the head, the Indian falls off his horse, and rolls seventy feet down a ravine. The two cowboys make their way down the ravine and Tom pulls out his knife to claim their trophy. Jack says, "Tom, take a look at this." Tom says, "Not now, I'm busy." Jack says, "I really think you should have a look." Tom says, "A_shole, can't you see I'm busy? I've got a thousand dollars in my hand." Jack says, "Please, Tom, take a look." Tom looks up at the top of the ravine, and there's five thousand Indians standing there. Tom says, "F-ck! We're gonna be millionaires!"
;)

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Nice one;)

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Top Reason to go to work Naked

1 your boss is always yelling,I wanna see your ass in here by 8.00
2 you can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan
3 Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources
4 I'd love to chip in,but left my wallet in my pants.
5 To stop those creepy guys in marketing from looking down your blouse
6 you want to see if its like the dream
7 so that you can add Exotic Dancer to your exaggerated resume
8 people stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them
9 Diverts attention from the fact that you also come to work drunk
10 Gives bad hair day a whole new meaning
11 No one will ever steal your chair

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

OOOOOOOHHHH Simon 876 and Souvenir


Think you have met your match with the joke telling with Malcoltom

BTW - PMSL at the postings :rofl::rofl:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

After great sex with a Thai girl she lies there stroking her lovers willy, so he asks her if she would like more sex.

"No" she replies "I'm just admiring your willy as I really miss mine"

Sorry if it offended anyone - but its the only joke I know in full :rofl:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

a man was driving down the road when he crashed in to the back of another car.a dwarf gets out of the car that got hit.the other bloke says are you alright? to which the dwarf replies ''im not happy!!!'' the other bloke says ''which one are you then?''

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture. Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"! Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep. He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"? Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".
:ohmy:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Geordie went for a job interview with the local Council.
There were 3 other applicants in the room and the Human Resources manager said :
'Right lads, What's the fastest thing in the world ?..... The man with the best answer gets the job !'
The first man said 'A thought, Sir' ..... 'Very good' said the manager.
The second said 'A blink of the eye, Sir' ....... 'Excellent' said the manager.
'A light, when it's switched on' the third guy said ........ 'Not bad' said the manager.
Geordie was scratching his head, then said 'DIARRHOEA !'.
'How come ?' asked the manager.
'Well' said Geordie'
'I woke up in bed last night and before I could THINK, BLINK, OR TURN THE LIGHT ON, I'D S**T MYSELF !!'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
:o

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so happy for?"
"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. tits out to here, Mike.
Tits
out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'
I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!"
The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, "What are you happy
about today Pat?"
"Well Mike.... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me...tits out to here, Mike.
Tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'
I told her 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out,
Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I
said, 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike! She couldn't
swim!"
A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there cryin'
over a beer. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just
waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here, Mike. Tits WAY out to here. She says, 'Can I have a ride in
your boat?'
So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out,
Mike, way WAY out... much further than the last two.
I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'It's either screw or swim!'
She pulled down her pants and.....She had a pecker, Mike! She had this
great
BIG pecker! ... and I can't swim Mike! I can't swim!"
:curse:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Fiancee sits on the sofa waiting for OH to come in from work to discuss the work that needs doing on their ramshackle love nest

He takes off his tie storms in to the kitchen.....

"sweetheart I know you have only just got in but I need to tell you that all the electric has gone off and I don't know why......"

"Belinda - do I look like an electrician????"

She goes on to say " and the kitchen tap never stops dripping, I have bought some new washers"

"Belinda - why are you telling me this - Do I look like a bloody plumber???"

without missing a beat she goes on to nag "and the front door won't shut properly either, it's all warped and needs paint"

At this point he looses his temper and yells "Do I look like a ****ing carpenter Belinda????? I am off to the pub"!!!!!!!!!!!

A few pints and a bit of guilt later he decides to return home to apologise, but walking up the path he notices that the front door looks like it has been fixed and the lights are on. He walks in to the kitchen and there is no dripping tap - and no Belinda"

Belinda honey he shouts up the stairs - I am really sorry I shouted and swore at you - did you do all this?

Belinda comes to the top of the landing, "no I didn't do it Alan " she replies "a guy came walking up the road just after you stormed off swearing at me and noticed me crying on the door step. He asked what was wrong and offered to fix everything if I either had sex with him or baked him a cake".......

"Bonus" replies her fiancee Alan on his way in to the kitchen to see what cake has been left over

"Alan....."

"Yes Honey" he replies as he hunts around

"Do I look like Gordon fc uking Ramsey?":eek::ohmy:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Really great Jokes guys.......

Not that short though, eh?:thumbup:

My humble offering for July 2nd....

A chicken and an egg were laying together in bed, smoking a cigarette.

The chicken turns to the egg and says, "Well, now we know the answer to that question."

Simon:cool:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Q.why doesn't a chicken wear pants
A.because his pecker is on his head

was that short enough:rofl:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

yep:p

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

I'm really fed up now. Someone just crashed into my new car on the street. It was one of them new Skoda's. There's bloody jam and sponge everywhere!
:eek:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Apple computers today announced the development of a new computer chip that can be implanted into a womans breast and play music. The i-tit costs £399 and is regarded as a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
:thumbsup:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Bruce is driving over Sydney Harbour bridge when he sees his ex about to jump. "Sheila, what the hell are you doin"? She looks round in tears and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me preggers and left me so now i'm gonna kill meself".
Strewth Sheila your not only a good s*@g but your a bloody good sport as well.
:p

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

THE THREE THINGS TO RUIN A MANS LIFE.

1 LIFE SUCKS
2 JOB SUCKS
3 WIFE DOESN'T

:p

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Now you're getting the hang of it.:thumbup:

What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.

Jacques Cousteau:cool:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

An old favourite....

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.:eek:

Melody maker:cool:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.

So I said "Implants?"

She hit me. :eek:

Bruised of Bicester:cool:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

And on the subject of matrimonial bliss.....

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.:p

Claire Reigna

ATTENTION Aliens are Coming
 

ATTENTION everyone on BE


ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.


YOU'LL BE SAFE.....


I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE.


John

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Woman goes to France for the first time,

"Frogs legs and chicken breasts" she says to the waiter

Waiter : "I know what you look like but what do you want to order Madame?"

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

What did the penis say to the comdom
cover me Im going in

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

men are like snow storms,you never know when they are coming or how many inches you'll get or how long it will last

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman says, "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"
To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!":eek:

Nip n Tuck:cool:

Re: Best Short Joke ever?
 

if sex is a pain in the butt your doing it wrong