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Being British :-)
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian
beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign! Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.. 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth. 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars. and finally... In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet. |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by Mrs Miggins
(Post 5624377)
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian
beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign! Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.. 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth. 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars. and finally... In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet. |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by Mrs Miggins
(Post 5624377)
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian
beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign! Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.. 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth. 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars. and finally... In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet. |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by Tangram
(Post 5624388)
Be careful making jokes, you will have Novo... telling you off if they have appeared here or anywhere before ;)
Triffically funny Mrs M. And so original. |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by Novocastrian
(Post 5624415)
Did someone call my name?
Triffically funny Mrs M. And so original. Well taken me Geordie fellow. |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by Marmalade
(Post 5624401)
My favorite one. How could people be so stupid, although it did cross my mind that if I saw something I thought was chocolate I would try to eat it, hmmm:eek:
http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=...G=Search&meta= Oh, and snopes: http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/u...6;t=001165;p=1 |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by bazzz
(Post 5624554)
Well, it's almost certainly not true. This pile of garbage has been posted with "Brits" substituted for a whole bunch of other nationalities. E.g.
http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=...G=Search&meta= Oh, and snopes: http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/u...6;t=001165;p=1 |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by Danny B
(Post 5624623)
I cannot believe you were anal enough to actually Google it :lol: it's a joke, and jokes are not always true...
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she's staying home because she's not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks. "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says. "What the hell is anal glaucoma?" "I can't see my ass coming to work today." |
Re: Being British :-)
Yep, I was facebooked this, but do you know what, if it made some people smile then it was worth the time to copy it on here.
Something that never ceases to amaze me is the inherent nastiness and and utter superiority in some people. It must really suck to be them, or maybe cyber space is the only place they can vent their spleen....? Anyway, glad some people found it fun, apologies if it doesn't meet the high standards of the less socially skilled BE users. I am off for some snow fun. Take care folks! Mrs M x |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by Mrs Miggins
(Post 5624643)
Yep, I was facebooked this, but do you know what, if it made some people smile then it was worth the time to copy it on here.
Something that never ceases to amaze me is the inherent nastiness and and utter superiority in some people. It must really suck to be them, or maybe cyber space is the only place they can vent their spleen....? Anyway, glad some people found it fun, apologies if it doesn't meet the high standards of the less socially skilled BE users. I am off for some snow fun. Take care folks! Mrs M x Oh dear. I appear to be pissing no end of people off this weekend. My post was also meant as a joke Mrs M. I would have thought that was obvious? Enjoy the snow! On edit: Maybe she meant bazzz not me? Of course in that case, I couldn't agree more. |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by hot wasabi peas
(Post 5624640)
Reminds me of a joke... (I hope Novo has heard this, many times, and that it gets on his tits. :p)
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she's staying home because she's not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks. "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says. "What the hell is anal glaucoma?" "I can't see my ass coming to work today." |
Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by bazzz
(Post 5624554)
Well, it's almost certainly not true. This pile of garbage has been posted with "Brits" substituted for a whole bunch of other nationalities. E.g.
http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=...G=Search&meta= Oh, and snopes: http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/u...6;t=001165;p=1 |
Re: Being British :-)
I've seen this before but with "Only in Canada" substituted. But it's still funny. Thanks Mrs M.
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Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by Novocastrian
(Post 5624703)
Sorry to disappoint. I hadn't heard that one. I'll just pop over and post it on a few other boards.
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Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by hot wasabi peas
(Post 5624773)
How can I get on your tits then? :cool:
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Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by hot wasabi peas
(Post 5624773)
How can I get on your tits then? :cool:
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Re: Being British :-)
Originally Posted by hot wasabi peas
(Post 5624640)
Reminds me of a joke... (I hope Novo has heard this, many times, and that it gets on his tits. :p)
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she's staying home because she's not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks. "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says. "What the hell is anal glaucoma?" "I can't see my ass coming to work today." :rofl::rofl: I hadn't heard that one very good:thumbsup: |
Re: Being British :-)
both very funny , pmsl :eek:
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