seaham gal

I would like to pick the brains of those of you who have a good knowledge of being a policeman.

Do you agree that the power seems to go to the heads of some policemen? I'm not saying that they are 'bad people' but have the personality that lends itself to seeing themselves as superior to others.

At the inaugaration ceremony of a friend of mine - the recruitment officers spent a lot of time trying to get the wives and girlfriends to be aware of the pressures that policing can put onto a marraige and the high divorce rate within the force - 60% - 70% higher than the norm. The Chief then made a speech saying that the pressures are great and that the job will change the recruits, and therefore their family lives will also be under great pressure. Granted, the training was brutal, but time and again, the trainers pushed this point home.

http://www.police-dynamics.com/divorce.html

Within the first year he changed and became patronising to his wife and disinterested in anything other than his work. Our friends marraige failed. He would only show interest in a conversation if it was about the police force and had that... 'I can't tell you what I know' attitude which was so boring.

Another friend of ours is so obsessed with his job that he never spent time with his family, even his childs' birthdays. Every moment WHEN he was home was on the phone or blackberry regarding his job. The marraige has now failed.

Any views?

andrewrb143

Are planning on applying?

macadian

Not sure how I should reply really. Stressful, yes, inevitably. Take over your life? Possibly, but only if you let it. The higher one goes thru the ranks, the greater the pressures, including the above mentioned two. Life's experience and age prior to becoming a cop I believe has a bearing too....as was my case. 11 Years military followed by 28 years police service. The rose tinted specs never even came out the the case. I have to confess that for the majority of my service when I finished my shift and put my hat in my clothes locker at the Office I tried to leave the job there too...until my next shift.

Well, the job is no cake walk no matter what the jobs detractors may say...and it takes a personal toll in just about everyone in it at some time...as was the case with me.

Would I do it again? Got to say no...there are easier and less stressful (not to mention less dangerous) ways of making a living.......but have to confess the job security it affords, though tentative at times as a consequence of what the job entails re risk, is a big consideration at the end of the day as is a pension at the end of it....but it is hard earned!
I discouraged both my sons from considering a career in the police service but need not have worried. Their observations of the shifts/hours Dad had to work and all the other crap cops had to put up with re disruption at short notice of personal/family life etc put them off such a course without any help from me.

Just a personal opinion based on my own experience and my opinion should be taken as just that...

seaham gal

Thanks Mac - interesting that the perks have such a huge bearing on staying in the job or getting out. I think it is one of those jobs where members of the public have no idea what is entailed both in the training process and the job itself. As you said, it is down to personalities - those who can or can't turn off at the end of the day, and life experience which can go a long way.

el_richo

I'd like to ask the same question about Traffic Wardens in the UK.......

ann m

I've witnessed multiple relationship failures within this profession - I don't know if is it more than the average but personal experience says it is. I've also seen colleagues fall by the wayside with serious mental health issues, depression, alcoholism (see, the TV cop shows are correct afterall) or die very early from possibly stress-related illnesses - or maybe things were just speeded up with the type of job they did.

Some people do change when they join up - I'm not sure if 'the power goes to their heads' as you've phrased it - but many people just cannot switch off, at all. They can come across as a bit 'job mad' for a few years. it usually wears off though and they become the mega cynical old buggers later on. The lack of ability to switch off leads to a (previously perhaps) heavy drinking culture which I'm sure many used just to get to sleep.

We've survived well - celebrating 17 yrs of marriage this year but have witnessed the crumble and destruction of too many marriages. But if I'm honest, I don't know if they would have survived anyway - put just a little pressure on a rocky relationship, and it can fall apart. Add stupid shift patterns, 2am call-outs and tired and grumpyness into the mix, and you've got to have a strong basis in the first place. The other point to throw in is that many police officers marry other police officers, or nurses, or other professions who are all working and meeting at odd hours (careful!). so multiply two difficult careers, shifts, call-outs and grumpiness by two, and then work out the strains on the relationship

Calgary's induction course included a talk about how important the rest of the family were, and highlighted divorce statistics (given by a sergeant who was divorced ). I guess it was only fair to highlight that - but probably scared a few other-halves sitting in the audience. Hubby has been looking after a new recruit - 9 weeks out of her training and she has split with her husband but reading between the lines, there were some strange dynamics there anyway - this just pushed a few more buttons.

It's a decent enough job, but I wouldn't be encouraging my daughters to join up anytime soon

seaham gal

Well you've certainly filled in the blanks as far as why this happens - thanks for that Ann.

I know families, including parents, neighbours and friends are interviewed by the recruiters prior to applicants being accepted. They try to gauge their deepest characteristics and any 'iffy' history the person has in their past. It's such a thorough process...for such a pressured job. Food for thought for anyone considering joining up though.

Steve_P

As a former Air Traffic Controller I've seen similar things happen.

For the first year or so I was so engrossed in this new exciting career that I would stay at work after my shift was over, leaving my wife at home to deal with a new baby, not a plan if you want your marriage to work.

After a major scare things evened out and we are still together.

Some of my co-workers were not so fortunate marriages failed, some "had to stop for a drink with the boys" after finishing a shift, a way of dealing with the stress most of us denied existed.

One said we ran things far to close together, quit and became a lawyer, not sure he reduced his stress any.

dbd33

Have you seen the film "Pushing Tin"? If so, do you see yourself as a John Cusack or a Billy Bob?

Steve_P

Yes and neither.

Don't remember enough of the movie to identify either one.

Edit: After re-reading the plot line for the movie if I had to choose one or the other, I'd have to say John Cusack.

Souvenir

The situation you describe is not unique to the police. It happens in any organisation where a strict 9-5 day does not exist. A consulting company I worked for in the 90s was known internally as "the divorce factory". I have the T-shirt. Marital collapse is rife in the military, in probably every country.

el_richo

Yep agree. There are many people in the company i contract for who are divorced and/or have suffered ill health due to work and their inability to get that work/life balance.

seaham gal

I know - I had a very stressful job in the UK and it really took over my every thought. Thank goodness for an angel of a OH who just listened and didn't try to do the 'man' thing and offer solutions to my ranting!

But - the link from the Police dynamics Institute I put up on the first post says this about the police force:

Highest Rates of Divorce, Alcoholism, Domestic Violence, and Suicides
Although it is difficult to get accurate statistics, studies consistently show that the police profession has the highest rates of divorce, alcoholism, domestic violence, and suicides.

Depending on the study:

our divorce rate is 60-70% higher than the national average

our alcoholism rate is 2 times the national average

our domestic violence rate is among the highest of all professions

our suicide rate is 3 times the national average.

Perhaps wrong?

rae

are you trying to tell me something

rae

all of this is very common in my experience, including the personality traits highlighted in your first posts. one of the idiots in my class over here, in answer to the question, why did you join? replied, to gain respect. you would think recruiting would weed this type out, but the odd one will always slip through i suppose. i said i was here because i wanted to live in canada. honesty gets you nowhere.

i think ann has summed it up well. character traits are simply enhanced, for good and bad, relationships which were unsteady but ticking along in normal life, are now put under severe strain and do not cope. idiots turn into super idiots with power, small men become small men with a badge. the self obsessed now have something real to obsess about.

i am 12yrs in, married at the start of my service. i have had 1 gun pulled on me, slashed with a craft knife, 2 colleagues murdered one stabbed one run over, hospitalized twice, been involved in numerous car accidents, another friend die due to alcoholism and faced a death in custody investigation. my wife has had to go through it too, this is what is sometimes forgotten and leads to problems.

i have one daughter. she will not be joining. i would rather she was a stripper.