beckiwoo

Just off the back of jsmith's post about moving somewhere for a partner. (Didn't want to hijack).

what would you do if you wanted to stay out in Canada permanently but there was someone in the UK you wanted to be with. What would you choose?

I'm not sure if it is an option of this person to come out here on a work visa as even though they have many years experience within the construction industry, they didn't go down the degree route.

There is always the option of meeting someone else but this is vancouver and it's almost impossible due to my job schedule. The men out here just want a 'good time' from what I have seen so far and it's amazing the number of 35 year old guys who just want a 'casual relationship' - why do they not want to find something that could potentially be long term?

At 30 years old, my priorities are changing and I do want to look into starting a family within the next 10 years. I do feel pressure and its deciding between wanting to be somewhere and wanting to be someone.

iaink

I dont think Canadian men are any more marriage/ cohabitation shy than UK men to be honest. Its a question of meeting the right person, thats all.


In Canada
In 2011, 57.7% of the population aged 15 and over who lived in private households were part of couples, down slightly from 61.1% thirty years earlier in 1981.

In the UK
Figures from the official count show that married and civilly partnered couples, for the first time, now make up under half (47%) of all households – down from 50.9% in 2001. In the decade to 2011, the number of married people stayed constant at 21.2m but the number of single adults rose by more than 3m to 15.7m.


Maybe its a lifestyle/ job change thats needed more than a location change?

beckiwoo

No I don't think so either but I'm not impressed with what I have seen out here. Vancouver men are not friendly and I have heard so many disaster stories from female friends out here.

I don't want to change my career, I love it and i don't see why I should. It's not about changing locations for work. It's about whether I stay here and have a job and a life but I stay single or I go back to the UK not have such a good job but be able to start a family.

Not the most helpful commet to be honest - I don't care about facts and figures I just want advice!!!

BristolUK

If it was someone that both parties were serious about, the only issue might be if both parties wanted to stay put. If the only issue was one of in country status and both were happy to be in one place together - wherever that may be - then be practical.

In my case, both of us reached the point where we wanted a life together. For a variety of reasons it wasn't practical for her (and kids) to move to the UK.

It was far more practical and achievable for me to move to Canada except the rules on sponsorship made that exceedingly difficult. So we simply married, making it straightforward.

Not to get all amateur psychiatrist but might the pressure you feel be transmitted to the blokes you meet making them commit only to a good time, initially?

iaink

Sorry you didnt find it useful.

I dont see why you should have to change careers either, but if your job or hours or whatever is preventing you meeting people, I dont see how thats going to change regardless of where you are unless you choose to do something about it. Or am I missing something, is there already someone in the UK lined up?

The point of those boring facts and figures was to illustrate that you statistically have more chance in Canada. Make of that what you will. Greater Vancouver has a population of a couple of million, not all the men can be losers surely?

Most married men I suspect were initially attracted to their spouse in a casual way. If you dont have that in the first place there is little chance of making it to a long term commitment. Its how you get on and how that develops into whether you respect and trust and love them in the long term. There is probably some mileage in the the idea that nothing is likely to scare a good bloke away faster than the idea of a fast track to marriage with someone they barely know. I imagine it works the same both ways, so even the keepers are quite likely to be saying they only want a casual relationship at first.

beckiwoo

Maybe but I don't come across that way. Initially I look at friendship And then see how it from there. My concern is when they are ONLY looking for fun times and will not consider anything else regardless. I try to stay clear of them.

I see posts on here from 23 and 24 year olds that have met their long term partner and yet men of 35 years old don't want to commit.

Yes there is someone in the UK I like and who likes me, we have been friends for 18 months.

That is what scares me. Don't want to meet someone who is just going to use me. Would rather remain single then have to deal with the pain and rejection from that.

Shard

Just wrote a post and it evaporated so I will try again.

I think the question hinges on whether you think you can find a suitable mate in Vancouver or not? If you think it's impossible/unlikely (you don't like the kind of guys you see, even the taken ones) then it seems that you should put emphasis on your UK relationship, as you really need to determine whether that is serious or not. Until you know that, it's seems to be a big ask from either side to change countries. However, obviously it's hard to build your UK relationship with a continent and ocean between you. If the guy is willing/keen to come to Vancouver, then that would be worth encouraging, but going back (impacting your career) is less desireable as you would have huge expectations.

If you think there are suitable mates in Vancouver (i.e., possible), but it's just that you're not meeting them, that's a different story. Then it's a case of finding a way to meet the right sort of guy and putting the UK relationship completely on the back burner. In a sense let that guy decides if he wants to come to Vancouver rather than you pulling him there.

beckiwoo

Good advice. The guy in question is coming out for a visit early next year so I'm looking at pulling at all the stops to show him how amazing it is out here

JamesM

I'm 35.

The thought of waking up next to the same person or indeed anyone everyday terrifies me. I need my space or I don't sleep.

Also people are far more picky now because of the options available to meet others they end up second guessing themselves.

Lastly men look better with age so meeting women gets easier and easier.

Some somewhat controversial food for thought.

Atlantic Xpat

I'm 46. So if I believe your theory I should be beating em off with a sh*tty stick. I'm not. Now I feel even worse about myself.

Shard

Really ? I would say it rather depends on the person !!

Most women are hitched by 35, most men by 40 (knock a few years off if you want the official stats). Food for thought, (not so young) man.

BristolUK

I was 46 when it happened to me

beckiwoo

Not if they are bald by 35

JonboyE

I am not sure I would be all that keen on a relationship where my main function was to impregnate my partner before it is too late. I would want to keep things casual until I was certain the woman was interested in a long-term relationship with me and not just my sperm.

beckiwoo

But that isn't what I want. I said a family within the next 10 years not 10 weeks!