newshoney

Ok - I'd like both male and female points of view here please. What would you do if your Canada-resident children refused to get on a plane for their court-ordered twice-yearly visits to the UK to see their non-resident parent?

Has anyone had to face this scenario?

purple80

Not yet, as we don't arrive until August, but I can see the problem arising over the next couple of years...Although we do not have a court order, it all by agreement with birth mother.

What does the father say? To be brutally honest if you have a court order you have no choice, and neither do the children! Have children talked to Dad, could he come to Canada?

Sorry don't think that helps much.

Charlie

dbd33

How old are the children?

Ben W Bell

If the children are of the age to be under a court order then you have to do it. The father could give permission to forgoe it, but he is entitled to see them under the court order.

daft batty

Doesn't what you do depend on why they don't want to see their father?

Eve N

Hi,
I have a friend who is separated,2 kids 12 & 15.They are now not refusing but
complaining about seeing their Dad and making excuses why not to see
him.
My friends view is no way.We have spoken about this quite lot and she feels
that it is hugely important to maintain contact with the other parent.The kid will always go for the easy way out (practical and emotional) they are far to young to envisage the possible consequences of not maintaining regular contact
they dont have to like it,it is what is right for their emotional health later on and of course possible repercussions towards you later on.They should not be given the choice unless of course you have a reason for them not to see
their father.
Good luck.

Souvenir

I guess it matters somewhat what the court order actually says. Does it specify twice-yearly trips to the UK, or that the father gets to have the kids twice a year? There's quite a difference.

The age of the kids also matters. I believe that when they hit 14 (maybe it's just in QC) they get a lot of say in these things, even in court. When Souvette's son turned 14, she became concerned that he would turn round and say he wanted to go live with his dad. She wouldn't have been able to stop him, not even in court.

Mrs Miggins

It's all down to age and maturity level of the child. You have to listen to them, and be as unemotional about it as possible......kids are just small people after all, and know what makes them happy or not. As for the dad, I feel sorry for him, but he has to take on board their feelings.

Good luck - you are between a rock and a hard place!

Mrs M xx

dingbat

Pay for him to come to Canada instead. My guess is it is more the travelling and leaving their comfort zone that is causing the problem, that the fact of actually seeing their father. If you are seen to attempt to comply, he can't apply for return to jurisdiction on the basis of non-compliance. If the court order is not filed in your province, its unenforceable anyway. This is very typical, and I for one will not force kids to comply with these things if it really distresses them.

Souvenir

Pay for him, or suggest that it would be preferable for the kids if they saw him over here?

Geekydee

Hi

Luckily I am not in your situation with ex-husband as he does not want to see his son.
However, maybe get your children together and ask them what their reasons are for not wanting to see their dad. Is it the travelling and being away from you or their home?
Once you have more of an understanding discuss it with their dad and see if he would come to you on this occasion to try to resolve the problem.

When my ex-husband was taking me to court for full residency I am sure that once the child becomes a certain age it is their decision. Maybe look up the Childrens Act Law on google for UK courts or email CAFFCASS and ask their opinion.

Hope this helps

dingbat

Both.

newshoney

Thanks everyone. All sensible advice. I take the view it's important for them to remain in contact and have persuaded them to go see him nine times out of ten. He is temperamental, loving to the point of gooey sentimental at times but with anger-management issues. Because on occasion he has verbally bullied them to tears, they are consequently frightened of him.

While we have been in the UK it hasn't been a major issue - on that tenth occasion when they've dug in their heels and say they won't go, he has accepted their excuses and they've missed the odd weekend.

They will be 14, 16 and 18 shortly. The eldest will be legally an adult and can choose for himself; the other two are the ones who do not want to have to spend their whole summer with their dad. Fingers crossed that if they invite him to spend time in Canada he agrees (but I doubt it, ornery character); I guess the alternative will be for the two teens to apply to Canada's equivalent of the family court to vary the court order.

LorraineG

He is temperamental, loving to the point of gooey sentimental at times but with anger-management issues. Because on occasion he has verbally bullied them to tears, they are consequently frightened of him.

While we have been in the UK it hasn't been a major issue - on that tenth occasion when they've dug in their heels and say they won't go, he has accepted their excuses and they've missed the odd weekend.

OMG you are talking about my ex husband!
We have had all sorts of issues over the years... but I have copied a section from my UK lawyer which was sent to me recently in a reply to my query as to what would happen when my eldest reached 16...I hope this helps!


Under Section 91 (10) of the Children Act 1989 it stipulates:

" A Section 8 Order (i.e. residence and contact) shall, if it would otherwise be in force, cease to have effect when the child reaches sixteen, unless it is to have effect beyond that age by virtue of Section 9 (6) or Section 12 (5)".

Section 9 (6) of the Act refers to a situation whereby the Court can make an Order such as contact /residence in respect of a child in exceptional circumstances with the view that it will last until the child is eighteen. This would happen in cases where the child had severe difficulties/disabilities.

Lorraine G

dingbat

Unless the UK order is filed in your province, by consent, for mirror enforcement purposes, the youngest two are also of the age when they can legally decide for themselves in every province in Canada. The UK no longer has any jurisdiction over those children, unless that Order is filed here.