I agree. I also think it's a depressing way to live life if you're immediate response at somebody doing a good deed is cynicism.

The secretary in my son's new school has gone out of her way in numerous ways and we've not even arrived yet. Gave us the winter electives early so he could have first choice, sent us lots of pics of snow, said she'd really like to buy him his "toque" when we queried what it was. Above and beyond her remit I think. Bodes well for his new school.

How cynical of you.

I think for most people the thought of being seen as 'good' or 'kind' doesn't even come into the picture, it has nothing to do with being noble or self righteous, it just doesn't occur to them. Most people I have met are just nice, thoughtful and genuinely kindhearted people who are happy to help out.

I have never needed images of heaven or hell to keep me on the right track, I was bought up to know the difference between right and wrong without any religious claptrap.

Myself, I consider it to be very healthy to be cynical and wary

For lack of a better term call it 'self-protection'

Fact of the matter is this is a wicked world we are living in.

I think it is always sensible to ask oneself, initially at least, if there is or could be an ulterior motive and then try to determine if there is genuine thoughtfulness and kindness at play.

This may well the case.

Or not.

+1

It isn't necessarily cynical, more analytical.

It was a starter for a debate and not necessarily my feelings though it is something i have been wondering about . Gosh i sound like Mike there. It's a point that's often debated, would we do good things if there wasn't something in it for us? You say people help because they are happy to help out. A letter from a hospital charity tells me that giving money will make me feel good. Is that in itself, the happiness, the reason that people do things?

However much a non believer we are it is hard not to be influenced by imagery of heaven and hell.

I know dozens of people who do good things without any expectation of something in return. I know people who go out of their way to help or assist people with no thought of whether it will make them 'feel good' about themselves for having done so. If I help someone, I don't do it because it makes me feel good about it, I do it because that person genuinely needs my assistance.

I have been offered help by strangers where there was no 'payback' emotionally or otherwise for them - I have been assisted by people who barely know me, out of the goodness of their hearts. An example of this is my 83 year old neighbour who asked her 'snow guy' to clear the sidewalk in front of my house as she knows I have difficulty doing it. There is nothing in it for her - and the man concerned refused to take one cent extra for doing it.

As for the charity part - well, I was always taught that charity begins at home. Help those that you are connected to (be they family or friends), take care of the people you care about first. I have and still do help 'strangers' but if I had to choose - if it were an 'either / or" scenario - then my first instinctual reaction would be to help somebody I knew. I would rather go and help at a charity than donate money to one as in my personal opinion, most of moneys raised get swallowed up in administrative fees; that isn't to say I haven't donated but I choose where I donate carefully.

I have never been influenced by imagery of heaven and hell, nor will I ever be.

Dont you ever do a good turn for someone just because you can? I know I do, and I have no ulterior motive for doing it. Imagery of heaven and hell dont come into it. If I can help someone out I will - simple.

I'm a kind and helpful person in real life and often go out of my way to help. I'm also the type of person that wonders why we do the things that we do, what makes us tick.

Certainly be "aware" of a possible ulterior motive, but don't let it dominate your thinking.

It is clinically proven that giving makes you feel good. Nothing wrong with that, even if it is a bit selfish. You can distil all human behaviour to its evolutionary core like this if you like.

Anyway, this is a realtor we are talking about here. It seems obvious to me that the call is cynical in nature. A percentage of those near or involved in fires will be looking to move so why not remind people of your existence under the pretence of being a well wisher?

That's certainly possible. A bit like ambulance chasers.

In this case, though, the xmas card already does that.

One of my daughters has signed up for a five month humanitarian mission in the CAR. Her partner previously did the same in Afghanistan. A cynic here calls this "misery tourism" and, I suppose, it does offer excitement and a chance to work with more gruesome injuries than they see in London. Still, I think this is giving on a big scale, I wouldn't do it.

??

Central African Republic perhaps.