I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.

I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "but I am not allowed to grant that type of wish."

"Fine," I said, "Then I want to die when England wins the World Cup."

"You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

Lulz

After Nigeria was eliminated the team captain graciously offered to refund the return airfare of any Nigerian fans who'd come to Rio for the tournament, as soon as they submit their banking information and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

Argentina have appealed to FIFA, demanding the world cup trophy.

Spokesperson for Argentina, Mr. D. Maradona told press "The trophy was in Brazil, which is closer to Argentina than Germany, therefore it is rightfully ours".

And once again, Argentina has been sunk by a German sub.

When you see all the joyous Argentian fans in Rio, it's hard to believe that Britain went to war over those islands back in the Seventies. Ok, maybe as a last resort war would be defensible but it was a political expediency by you know who, and so many good men died on either side.

World Cup Final Cake Is the Meanest Dessert We've Ever Seen | Bleacher Report

It wasn't the seventies. It was the early 1980s.

My mother in law asked me which team I would be supporting in the final. "Oh the Germans" I replied, "We went to war with the Argies". "Or rather we've been to war with the Argies more recently than the Germans."

Ser gut!!