help i need somebody!

Old Dec 10th 2010, 6:08 pm
  #1  
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Talking help i need somebody!

Hello there!

I need a little help regarding moving to malaysia. I have been dating a malaysian girl for about 3 years now and after being with her for 2 years she has made it known that she wants to move back home so she can be with her family. I have told her that im open to the idea of moving but at the same time i have my hesitations.

She has told me that it wouldnt be wise for me to move because of language and cultural issues she thinks i couldnt hack it plus finding work will be really difficult for me because i have a strange skill set ( I have a degree in photography and i have been working as a marketing manager for 2 years.) shes told me once employers see i have photography as a degree they wont really understand why i would do anything that isnt photography. I know in the uk were more open minded in this instance as we believe anyone who has a degree has the ability to take on almost any position.

She has also told me that malaysians really look after there own and as a forigner i will have the last pick when it comes to jobs. I've kind of been aware of this through conversations with her father about business.

Also she has told me malaysia is quite dangerous with the robberies, snatch thieves, car jackers and rapists. When i went to Kl to visit her family they wouldnt let me go out on my own or at night.

I feel like the only things putting me off a possible move would be the jobs and the crime rate.

I really want to know the truth and not really just stuff that i would like to hear about moving.

if i could get some help i would really appreciate it

thanks in advance!
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Old Dec 10th 2010, 8:45 pm
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Default Re: help i need somebody!

Forgive my Northern bluntness but are you really sure she wants to continue the relationship? She seems to be exaggerating many of the points.

(Is she Muslim and the family putting pressure on her, perhaps?)
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Old Dec 11th 2010, 9:01 am
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Default Re: help i need somebody!

Originally Posted by Seasider View Post
Forgive my Northern bluntness but are you really sure she wants to continue the relationship? She seems to be exaggerating many of the points.

(Is she Muslim and the family putting pressure on her, perhaps?)
swat I thought, first off. Not the Muslim bit.
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Old Dec 11th 2010, 3:12 pm
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Default Re: help i need somebody!

oh er i never really felt like she was trying to push me away but was trying to wake me up to the reality of me moving there.

just to elaborate yes she is muslim and so am i and her parents did have a prob with me at first because im not malay but she fought in my corner quite a bit so they have come to accept me now.

so is what she said right about the other stuff like it being hard for me to find a job and about the crime rate?
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Old Dec 11th 2010, 7:37 pm
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Default Re: help i need somebody!

Sorry, I knew it was a bit harsh but felt it had to be said - I've seen too much of this kind of thing both in Asia and the UK, people dating outside their race or religion and ending up heartbroken when the family put its foot down.

I've never lived or worked in Malaysia and have no idea of the visa situation but I'd say that's your first priority, looking into how easy they are to get. I doubt you can just rock up and hope to find work. Also if there is demand for your line of work, e.g., are there any international companies you would be an asset to? Do you speak Malay?

Yes you hear a lot about racism in Malaysia. You don't hear so much in Singapore - where my experience of SEA was - but it's there, too, bigstyle. It's most places though. Google Bumiputera, read some local forums, and make up your own mind. I have to be honest (again!) there are a lot of things I don't like about Malaysia and not sure I could live there. The increasing influence of Sharia Law and the treatment of women, for instance.

One of my best friends is a Malay Muslim, I met her at Uni in the UK in 1981, she's an incredibly successful woman, religious, and I've had tons of chats with her about it all - still can't fathom how a country that accepts women like her running their banks can cane women for having a beer or can ban yoga in some of the less moderate areas.

As for crime, well yes, there is crime, but have you ever worked in Bradford? Or been out in Leeds City Centre on a Friday evening? Again, it's everywhere. One of my ad agency mates in squeeky clean Singapore coined the phrase "Low Crime doesn't mean No Crime" and friends have had their bags, purses, phones, nicked there.

Would you be based in KL? There are lots of expats there, it's not like it's a one-horse town. It's a bit rough round the edges but fun. I'm surprised your girlfriend's family wouldn't let you go out. You just need to be aware of the risks and be sensible as you would anywhere else.

Look, if you both want to make it work, you'll find a way. I'd say the visa situation is your first priority.


(Oh god I just read this back and I've said "rock up" and "look" - before I know it I'll be putting another prawn on the barbie and buying a ute.)
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Old Dec 15th 2010, 8:42 am
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Default Re: help i need somebody!

I'm just trying to get my head around a muslim called Jesus

As seasider said, if it's going to happen, it will happen. Best of luck with whatever you choose to do.
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Old Dec 15th 2010, 11:56 am
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Default Re: help i need somebody!

thanks for the advice seasider i really appreciate it

and baked bean .... jesusjuice was the first thing that popped into my silly little head! but thanks for wishing me good luck
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Old Dec 16th 2010, 1:15 am
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Default Re: help i need somebody!

Mind you, baked bean a daft name too

You definitely need to take a holiday there and see how you feel about the place. Some people love it, some people don't.

Agree with seasider re the crime situation. I think KL sometimes gets slated for its supposedly high crime rate. I wouldn't want to comment on that as I don't know KL so well, but I imagine not much different to any big city in the world. You just have to watch out and take precautions I guess.
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