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Local News

Old Nov 3rd 2011, 7:34 pm
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Default Local News

How bad is your local news? I would be very happy if you told me.

I live in a middle-of-nowhere place and the local news is atrocious. I used to live outside Buffalo, NY and the difference between there and here is huge. They had money and had some news scattered amongst massive numbers of stories about house fires. They even had actual journalists. They only talk about three things in this area.

1. Car crashes/house fires. These make up 75% of the news.
2. Raping and child abuse - seemingly all occurring in one town about 40 miles from me.
3. Crimes committed by people who aren't white. Most crimes obviously are committed by white people. But I live in Fox News Central.

There is no actual news on this channel. They give lottery numbers. They also insist on showing actual video footage of 8 year olds playing sports as if it actually was important. They even do little segments about car crashes and house fires across the country. It's random - one minute they'll be talking about a car accident on Rt 5 then they'll show a quick video of an overturned semi in Montana as if it were unique. Actual news - none.

The weather guy in the morning oozes that geeky quality that suggests he wanks in milk and then offers to make everyone milky coffee every day. He's harmless enough though and clearly really likes meteorology which is endearing somewhat. The guy on the nearby Syracuse NBC morning news looks and act like Anthony Weiner (before he got his cock out). He behaves like he actually controls the weather and that it is always very likely he may command it to destroy everything in the viewing area. Consider that there is a pattern here every day for each season. From August to November it's the same. Then it snows until May and is frighteningly cold. Then it's hot and sunny until late August again. That's it.

The morning team are a pair of very young clearly first-job auto-cue readers. The guy is a little smarmy but does a good job. I've heard him on the radio too and he does that very well. The morning woman is indicative of my area to a tee. She wears the wrong stuff, often seems to have difficulty keeping her tits in her clothes and whines endlessly about how boring it is that she has to be professional and show up to work at a set time. She once had to apologize on air for seeming bored and annoyed at being at work. When I first started watching it I would notice that the people looked like they just got out of college, were not on the whole TV pretty and dressed like hill-people. Which they are. The channel I can't watch only allows people on if they were leopard-print clothing. The local NBC affiliate in Utica got some money last year and suddenly people started wearing suits and makeup, and the set didn't look like it was going to fall down. Then the morning girl started wearing shit like this -:



As for her baps coming out - this happens so much so that on the odd occasion my wife will see the morning news she will always express surprize at how little effort has been made to contain her massive spaniels.



She has apologized on air for wearing what some viewers had complained was a shirt that was too tight. Obviously there is no such thing.

I don't watch the six o'clock news. Being the "grown up" news they don;t have any women and the old men that are on there look like Catholic priests. They don;t have any different news on anyway except even more video footage of children playing sports. They also behave as if we actually live in the Syracuse area which is at least a 90 minute drive and cling on to their University football/lacrosse teams for dear life when they aren't behaving like we don't live four hours from Giants stadium.


There - show me yours.

Last edited by Captain Cheesestick; Nov 3rd 2011 at 7:37 pm.
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Old Nov 3rd 2011, 7:43 pm
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Default Re: Local News

Dallas is shockingly bad but still better than most of the country. The traffic reports are the top story on ever station every single day and they are delivered either by sex goddesses or dumpster whores, depending on which channel you like. It is illegal in Dallas for a man to do the traffic report.
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Old Nov 3rd 2011, 7:46 pm
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Default Re: Local News

I hate local weather men. They spent forever jammering on about nothing so my brain switches off and I miss the bit where they actually give the weather.
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Old Nov 3rd 2011, 7:54 pm
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Default Re: Local News

This is Julie Hays, the evening anchor on KWTX:



I am in love with her and could not tell you anything about the standard of news on KWTX.
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Old Nov 3rd 2011, 8:35 pm
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Default Re: Local News

I'm trustng that your crappy local news also try to stuff the number of their channel into their tag line. So, "We're Working 4 You..." And that they cram it into their weather too - so that Channel 5 only give you the next 5 hours and 5 days of weather.
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Old Nov 3rd 2011, 9:18 pm
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Default Re: Local News

The local weather girls here seem to be chosen for their looks and large plumpy udders. I can never seem to remember if I should be taking a brolly with me or not.
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Old Nov 3rd 2011, 9:29 pm
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Default Re: Local News

Back in Cedar Rapids all the news reporters were right wing Tea Party loving morons who would get far too excited when on the rare occasion a real news story would occur.

Oh and they were all heavily tanned... in Iowa... in the middle of winter.

Never bother watching the news now I'm back in Atlanta.
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Old Nov 3rd 2011, 9:51 pm
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Default Re: Local News

I do recall back in Buffalo the one news channel (Channel 4) went batshit gaga at the idea that Gerry Adams was going to come and visit in the early 2000s. All right wing ignorant token-catholic loons who thought he the Dalai Lama. When he got detained by Homeland Security the station got almost angry about it.

The NBC affiliate hired an ex-cable news guy who convinced them to run scandalous stories about the fiscal crisis and an alleged voter revolt. On voting day everyone waited for the entire legislature to be thrown out of office. Not one of them lost and they sort of realized he made it all up. But then he span it around into an amazing story about how there may be corruption in the voting.
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Old Nov 4th 2011, 1:24 am
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Default Re: Local News



All the women are cross-eyed and a 'news report' consists of standing outside someone's house and saying "they won't let us in"

There HAS to be an item about a cute dog.
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Old Nov 4th 2011, 1:33 am
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Default Re: Local News

Fires, traffic, appalling weather extremes, sports, then more fires, traffic and appalling weather extremes, the odd dab of local politics usually involving corruption and State Governors being sent to prison, all with random drive-by shootings spinkled artistically throughout.

Strangely, this chapter of accidents is all delivered by people who have had smiles surgically attached to their faces.
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Old Nov 4th 2011, 2:01 am
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Default Re: Local News

Well, I live in the Detroit vicinity, so the news around here is pretty formulaic; there will have been at least one shooting and there will be some government scandal going on.

Our weathermen are okay though!
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Old Nov 4th 2011, 2:08 am
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Default Re: Local News

I am getting all nostalgic for Tony Wilson now.
You wouldn't get Slaughter and the Dogs on the local news here.

or Joy Division for that matter

Last edited by kimilseung; Nov 4th 2011 at 2:14 am. Reason: add a video
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Old Nov 4th 2011, 2:13 am
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Default Re: Local News

Originally Posted by kimilseung View Post
I am getting all nostalgic for Tony Wilson now.
You wouldn't get Slaughter and the Dogs on the local news here.
Is he the chap who had the Sex Pistols on?
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Old Nov 4th 2011, 2:14 am
  #14  
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Default Re: Local News

The old women go gaga for Charlie Lopresti




and I am pissed off because I can't remember the real names and therefore cannot google the blokes that we call "Mr No lips" and "Fun Time Frankie"
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Old Nov 4th 2011, 2:17 am
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Default Re: Local News

Originally Posted by Karen68 View Post
Is he the chap who had the Sex Pistols on?
no, that was Bill Grundy in your London;
Wilson publicised the Manchester scene on Granada Report (ITV North West local news), set up Factory Records and the Hacienda.

Last edited by kimilseung; Nov 4th 2011 at 2:21 am.
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