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Premier League

Old Apr 24th 2012, 8:03 am
  #2251  
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Default Re: Premier League

Originally Posted by Herpes Simplex View Post
He has to win it. So when he dives and then gets booked - and then Rooney gets booked for yelling at the Ref for not giving it - and then Ferguson breaks a tooth excessively chewing about the injustice of it all - and it's not given, then no sucky sucky for you.
Sure, but I still like those odds.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 7:13 pm
  #2252  
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Default Re: Premier League

Time for Herpes Bumper Crop Of Shit Predictions for the remainder of today, the season, through Summer and beyond.....

- RVP will leave Arsenal this Summer. Right near the end of the transfer window for well under his valuation. Just to be massive wankers Man City will buy Alex Song and Theo Walcott as well. Not to worry though - Wenger will buy the Chinese international goalkeeper and a 15 year old striker from Peru. RVP leaves so late that Wenger is forced to come out and say that he has full confidence in Nicklas Bendtner being the number one choice striker now he's returned from his successful loan spell up north. Everyone will have a really hard time pronouncing their midfielder Oguzhan Ozyakup next season. Emannuel Frimpong will emerge as a cross between Roy Keane and Duncan Ferguson for insanely scary.

- Villa will lose to Bolton tonight. Villa are going down. Fire sale!!

- Man Utd will buy Hazard, Dempsey and Grant Holt. Rooney will get a full-beard implant in the summer before moaning that the club aren't ambitious enough. Nani and Anderson will be sold. Michael Owen will join Reading next season and spend the entire time on the bench.

- Man City will win the title. Mancini will stay. Carlos ****ing Tevez (that's how you accurately pronounce his name in Argentina) will score the goal that wins them the title - and City fans will celebrate as if their club didn't both sell out to the morally bankrupt twattery of Kia Jorabchian/Tevez and buying the title for a billion pounds. They will then proceed to play fantasy football by selling Dzeko, Nasri, Barry, Milner, Balotelli, Tevez, Lescott, Johnson, Kolo Toure, Hargreaves and Savic. They'll then buy some arrogant wingwang like Ibrahimovich for 300k a week.

- Chelsea will win the CL and the FA Cup. Abramovich - proving how big a twunker he is - will sack RDM a few days later. He'll hire Vitor Peirera from FC Porto and people will remark about how he just won the Portuguese championship so must be amazing - which is so rare a feat that it only happens once every single year without fail and has done for 6 years in a row now.

- Chelsea will swap Torres for Balotelli and James Milner. Chelsea will also sell Malouda, Essien, Bosingwa, Kalou and Sturridge. Lampard and Drogba will go to the MLS. Chelsea will buy Modric and a bunch of fringe Portuguese/Spanish players too. Shocker there.

- David Moyes will quit and take a year or so off. Everton will replace him with Roberto Martinez. Everton will be the next club to be bought out by foreign billionaires and will have absurd amounts of money come Christmas when they will buy Kaka, Higuain and whichever Argentinian/Brazilian wonderkid is currently the bees knees but is actually just a twat.

- Redknapp will be the next England coach. Beautifully he'll drop Terry, Gerrard, Lampard, Ferdinand and all the overrated duffers and they'll never play for the national team ever again. The press will call him inept and legendarily wank though when he starts picking players like Grant Holt, Leighton Baines and Danny Guthrie instead of proven stars like Glen Johnson and Joe Cole. .

- Spurs will sell/lose Van der Vaart, Modric, Corluka, Defoe, Adebayor, Kaboul, Bale, Gomes, Huddlestone, Krancjar, King, Gallas and Giovani over the summer. They will oddly retain David Bentley and loan Joe Cole from Liverpool. Scott Parker will miss most of next season with a broken fringe.

- Mourinho isn't going anywhere near Spurs. No - you people will be getting the magic that is Rafa Benitez. You're welcome.

- Liverpool will not sack Dalglish even after he buys Tom Huddlestone, Lee Cattermole and Kevin Davies. In all seriousness I think he'll walk of his own volition after the season is over. The new manager will not renew Carragher's contract and may get rid of Gerrard this year while he could a) still get a few quid for him and b) to stamp his authority over the team. It also looks likely that the careers of Bellamy, Maxi, Kuyt, Reina, Aurelio, Agger and Adam are over. I think Suarez will ditch Liverpool for a CL team and be quite disparaging when he leaves. Worse I think Liverpool will lose Lucas to Juventus (who are sniffing around) for decent money leaving a pretty young inexperienced team.

- Andy Carroll will never make it in the PL. He'll go quietly in January to West Ham (legendarily silly with money) and end up bench warming there until going to Coventry the following January.

- Martin O'Neill will quit Sunderland by Christmas. Because he just does that sort of thing.

- Remember how frighteningly good Ronaldinho was? And then one year he was just really really average and never was good again/ That will be Messi next year. He'll be sold by a new Barca chief by the end of next season to Inter and be playing for Corninthians by 2014.

- Newcastle will win 4th. They'll be knocked out of the CL qualifier though. Pardew will be fired before next season is over.

- Wolves, Bolton and Villa are going down. Chelsea will win the FA Cup.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 7:51 pm
  #2253  
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Default Re: Premier League

Originally Posted by Herpes Simplex View Post
- David Moyes will quit and take a year or so off. Everton will replace him with Roberto Martinez. Everton will be the next club to be bought out by foreign billionaires and will have absurd amounts of money come Christmas when they will buy Kaka, Higuain and whichever Argentinian/Brazilian wonderkid is currently the bees knees but is actually just a twat.
Either that or is told his transfer budget by Bill Kenwright and has to put his bids for Messi and Inestia on hold and decide between the Ryman, Blue Square or Scottish leagues. He also brings in a kid who plays in the Norwegian third division for a half eaten apple, two tickets to Kenwright's latest play and a 1984 Panini album with only David Speedie and Andy Gray missing.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 7:57 pm
  #2254  
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Default Re: Premier League

Speaking of Panini, here's Liverpool's next manager:

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Old Apr 24th 2012, 9:36 pm
  #2255  
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Default Re: Premier League

Spoiler:
Nice
one Chelsea! and Torres does something
Spoiler:
right
.

Last edited by kimilseung; Apr 24th 2012 at 10:09 pm.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 9:41 pm
  #2256  
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Default Re: Premier League

That was bloody wonderful stuff.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 9:48 pm
  #2257  
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Default Re: Premier League

An English team in the CL final ....and it's not Man U - brilliant!
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 9:53 pm
  #2258  
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Default Re: Premier League

SPOILERS PEOPLE, the button is there for a reason

Some people have to work for a living and might want to watch it later without knowing.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 10:05 pm
  #2259  
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Default Re: Premier League

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
SPOILERS PEOPLE, the button is there for a reason

Some people have to work for a living and might want to watch it later without knowing.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 10:13 pm
  #2260  
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Default Re: Premier League

Originally Posted by Uncle Ebenezer View Post
what villa 1 - bolton 2
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 10:17 pm
  #2261  
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Default Re: Premier League

Originally Posted by ROMFT_WO2RN View Post
what villa 1 - bolton 2
Said aloud, with the right intonation, that score is a draw.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 10:18 pm
  #2262  
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Default Re: Premier League

Ladies and gentleman - the Gary Neville sextape.



As I've mentioned elsewhere - I can't stop playing that clip. My dog thinks there's a wolf masturbating/dying in the house.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 11:42 pm
  #2263  
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Default Re: Premier League

That video has been removed, but it can still be found on youtube and is as funny as fudge. Neville sounds as though a finger has been shoved up his date at the moment of magic

It really was a very strange match after Terry once again proved what an utter thug/idiot he is. It was like watching a training session with attack versus defence, but fair play to Chelsea they worked their socks off and had a massive slice of luck in Messi's inability to score. Ramires' goal was sublime and how many thought Torres would score when one on one with the keeper?

We'll still do them in the FA Cup though.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 11:47 pm
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Default Re: Premier League

Originally Posted by BenandPam View Post
That video has been removed, but it can still be found on youtube and is as funny as fudge. Neville sounds as though a finger has been shoved up his date at the moment of magic

It really was a very strange match after Terry once again proved what an utter thug/idiot he is. It was like watching a training session with attack versus defence, but fair play to Chelsea they worked their socks off and had a massive slice of luck in Messi's inability to score. Ramires' goal was sublime and how many thought Torres would score when one on one with the keeper?

We'll still do them in the FA Cup though.
I'm faced with a truly terrible dilemma now. How do I choose between Liverpool and Chelsea when it comes to who I want to lose most?
An impossible problem to solve..... so I'll just not watch it at all. Problem solved.
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Old Apr 24th 2012, 11:53 pm
  #2265  
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Default Re: Premier League

"-Liverpool will not sack Dalglish even after he buys Tom Huddlestone, Lee Cattermole and Kevin Davies. In all seriousness I think he'll walk of his own volition after the season is over. The new manager will not renew Carragher's contract and may get rid of Gerrard this year while he could a) still get a few quid for him and b) to stamp his authority over the team. It also looks likely that the careers of Bellamy, Maxi, Kuyt, Reina, Aurelio, Agger and Adam are over. I think Suarez will ditch Liverpool for a CL team and be quite disparaging when he leaves. Worse I think Liverpool will lose Lucas to Juventus (who are sniffing around) for decent money leaving a pretty young inexperienced team."

Comolli's sacking says to me that Kenny is going nowhere. Suarez is going nowhere. Also, I am not sure I know what you mean by the bit in bold? Why are their careers over, particularly Agger who has had a great season?
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