indiebird

Thanks for the clarification Lorna. I thought as much. I know a coupla peeps through my language school that I think I will get some advice from. One is now a retired Presida from the next biggest town up from us. She is a fantastic Woman and I wonder if she can throw some insight onto how things might work here and where we might stand. He went into school happy today so I just don't know what to do. I do know it makes me feel sick to the stomach thinking about it though and is making me feel stressed again! Just not sure who to actually turn to for support here.

TestaRossa

The thing is Indie I appreciate the other side - that is, knowing just how much to believe or not from your son! My two have been ingenious in the stuff they come up with, not just about school either, so I would tread cautiously and try to sort the fact from the fiction with your boy first. Like you say if anything at all is being exaggerated then its you, once again, who is going to come a cropper! Would he be better sitting down with his dad, with you out of the way, and going through it all with him? I know my ds is sometimes more open with his dad, especially where it involves me storming into school or nowadays, firing off and e-mail or three! Just a thought...

Example, my son stopped telling me he was being badly bullied because I'd gone in, as far as he was concerned, once to often when it had happened in the past! I did find out eventually but only after he had dealt with it himself...It can be soo hard to know what to do, and when there is the language barrier too, it's ten times worse! Yesterday Antonia was in tears at pick-up time. Some kid had decided the toy she took in, against my wishes, was their long lost toy! I got it back from the child, but then this morning the Suora collars me with said child in tow saying Antonia had taken this kids Cuccioli home with her!! She said it was a mistake, by Antonia, to which I replied the mistake was the other childs!! Antonia was already tearing up again thinking she was going to have give this kid HER toy!! Unbelievable! So when you have shannanigans like these going on what chance do you have to discover what's really going on??!

LivingHere

It might be worth getting someone to come in with you to act as an interpreter. At least that way any language related stress will be gone and you'll be able to concentrate on the key issues. Is there a class delegate? Maybe they can also help by talking to other parents about what their children have seen.

I really feel for you and I have absolutely no idea how I would cope if it happened to my children.

xx

indiebird

I hear ya TR and that is why I am cautious tbh. I will try and get dh to talk to him but that might not be til weekend now.... also there isn't a class delegate this year as only 4parents turned up to vote. Two voted for one woman and two for the other! I am going to talk to the lady who was class delegate last year tho i think and see if she can perhaps see what her son says or throw some light on the situation for me.

As for Antonia that is such a flipping Julia trick it's unbelievable!! Glad you stuck to your guns.... I prob would have let the kid have the damn toy and then brought Antonia another one. Nuns can be scary!!

indiebird

Awww thanksxxxxx I will try and see if I can find someone to come with me of I need to.

TestaRossa

Well, if it has been a few weeks, another day or so probably aren't going to make any difference, plus the weekend might help get things in perspective - not you, that is - your son, and he might be a bit more forthcoming. My niece has a lad about the same age - well he's 10, so in final year of primary in the UK. She had to change schools because he was perceived as the class bully - earned to some degree, but when he changed or tried to the other kids still treated him the same and wound him up until he got annoyed. Thing is, with lads I don't feel you can win - there's no middle ground they are either wimps or bullies in the eyes of the other kids. Actually there is one other category and that's Mr. Popular who can do no wrong in anyone's eyes! Not too many of them around!! Lol! Mine went from wimp to mouthy - so now he can be a bit of a verbal bully - trouble is some of the things he says are really funny, but I'm not there to deal with it - I just hear the results!!

I think the nun thought I was scary this morning tbh!! I'd had enough of it from the previous night! Plus it was only, as is always the case, some damn freebie from McD's, so a) it was pretty crappy but b) irreplaceable!

indiebird

Darn it!! there was an accident with a moped and a car just down from the school today and this resulted in an actual punch up between car driver and moped rider (young kid-no more than about 15 ) so didn;t get to speak to anyone. Also got the migraine from hell just starting up and was not in the mood either... must admit that we went and brought a couple of pencils and a grammar book and dictionary that son needs for school after -(€12 each AND in original language and the lady in the bookshop couldn't have been nicer then went to local bread shop and got a hug from the owner and the kids got fed as per usual and I started to feel better. Got to sort this somehow though. I will get dh to talk to him TR and then speak to the people I know who might be able to shed some light on the situation.

This is soooooo me if you catch me on an off day. I remember last year at the scuola materna being told (yet again!!) that Julias felt tips were all dry and cheap and telling the teacher that 'per oggi ha bisogno essere cosi! Perche non ho tanti tempi per comprare altri!' (yes I know my italian is rubbish before you all tell me ) in a sharp voice. She kinda took a step back and said 'Va bene Signora'. and that was the last i heard about that!

Gio

Well I understood it!

TestaRossa

I know it doesn't compare to what you are going through Indie, but there was no more said when I picked dd up from school tonight. The child in question went home at lunch anyway, but it is really bothering Antonia, I think the kid must have been very persuasive to make both her and the suora believe it really was her toy!! She's not into school so much this year and I have considered taking her out, things aren't even at the stage yours seem to be, it's just I can tell she isn't happy, most of it is because she is having a major fall out with her Best Friend Forever, who isn't anymore!! The kid goes back to Poland for good next year anyway, so I'd rather she found new friends anyway. I've even considered homeschooling but then I'd be up for murder.....

indiebird

oh poor Antonia. Is it an italian speaking materna? Does she speak well? I must admit that last year Julia went through a bit of a phase like this. There was a real competitiveness between girls that I don't really understand. Especially that it starts so young! Some girls told her she wasn't beautiful and this really annoyed her as she knows she is!! (naturally!!! ) and there was a real competition between her and another girl. I kinda went with the flow with her and by the end of last year she and the other girl were best buddies but girls seem to only have one or two friends and that's it... this year at school she seems really happy but she had more or less a fresh start as she came to the same school as her brother and most of the other kids went to a smaller village school. Maybe look around at other possibilities, especially if her italian is now good... I have considered home schooling but think I too would comit murder.... and there is no way Julia would happily go to school if her brother was at home.

Gio

Gawd, Italian schooling sounds like a nightmare. I'm glad I don't have the problem. I did remove my son from a school in London and move into a tiny village on the moors in the North and God was he bullied. His accent, was the problem, he was picked on & beaten up. He begged me not to interfere and it hurt me so much....I did of course interfere and it got better, or so I thought. He was just not telling me about it in the end. Unfortunately, he never did integrate there and ended up with only two friends both of which were outsiders, or offcumdens as they called us. We lived in this village for 25 years! My son of course beat a hasty retreat at 18...

indiebird

That is a bit sad isn't it?! I am worried it will all get worse at the Scuola Media next year. He can be a bit annoying and aggravating. I think it started out as him being the class clown as he couldn't communicate and this woulld be how he got the attention of others the trouble is now I think he just cannot behave for these teachers and they have had enough. They do seem quite lazy teachers imho too and there is nothing worse I don't think. I'm not the only parent to feel negative which I find even more worrying. Have others tried to sort it out and got nowhere? Do they just condone it with a shrug and a 'boh'? Not sure which is worse. I do know I'm worried sick, dh doesn't want to think about actually doing something but i'm worried we'll end up with a child who will resent us he get's older.

Lorna at Vicenza

One thing I'm glad about in the school here that my kids go to, is that so far there is no talk of bullies or bullying. There is teasing and a bit of shove and push but nothing that could be compared to real bullying. If anything the most negativity comes from the teachers and not the kids but so far this year they seem to be giving out more smiley faces than criticism - apart from the occasional or expecting a bit too much.

Hopefully it will only get better at scuola media when there is a complete chageover of teachers and all the boys that feel more comfortable than your son now because they've been at primary school longer than him - will be exactly in the same boat as him. The school will be new to them, classrooms, teachers, work ethics etc. They'll all be feeling a bit new and vulnerable. Shame though that's it's same headmistress running it ..... which is why I think you need to have a word with her at the end of this school year. Tell her what you think of this school year and the teachers and tell her that you would ideally like to see improvements at media or even if you could have a word with the teachers before your son starts so you can explain about him and that you don't want him to get left behind etc.

Lorna at Vicenza

Speaking of blips and schools... my little boy burst into tears for the first time yesterday morning right outside the school gates.

He was worried sick that he didn't know all the words to a poem.
Tuesday's homework was to learn a poem of about 10 lines.
I know that Chloe has had to learn poems before, sometimes quite long ones, but I don't remember her having to learn any just a couple of months into school when the kids can't even read them by themselves.

Anyway, Alex managed to memorise the first half of the poem but kept getting stuck halfway through on the word "microbo" .... oh yeah - guess what the poem was about ........... Il Raffreddore

I told him he'd be fine and that I was sure not everyone in class would have learnt it all between Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning. Well on Wednesday Alex came home and said he HAD to learn the rest of the poem.

I spent 30 minutes reading and reading and repeating it with him and his sister spent more time going over and over it with him ...... until she lost her patience quite spectacularly and flounced off after telling him he was brainless. So I did the poem again with him. I can still remember every darn word of it now. We did the poem again yesterday morning on the way to school but Alex still kept getting stuck on the line with "microbo" in it and then it was hard for him to remember the next one.

Then he burst into tears. I could see his teacher on the school steps at the end of the school playground (wasteland) so I asked Alex if he'd feel better if I took him up to the teacher myself and explained.

I told her that he was in tears over the poem and that I wasn't going to send him into school all alone and crying. I told her that both his sister and myself had gone over the poem a hundred times and before she could draw breath I said "Alex say the last bit of the poem now with Mummy so that the teacher knows you have been practising" and I started it off and he joined in and I let him say the last line all by himself so the silly bag knew that we had been over and over the damn poem.

When he came home that day he said the teacher had been fine and the comment in his school book said "la poesia va abbastanza bene."

A couple of other lines in the poem were of course about 'aria', getting sweaty or being wet. No wonder the kids grow up with the same old fashioned ideas as their grannies.

indiebird

OMG, Lorna, you must be so scary to the teachers!! Maybe this is why the teachers at my kids school hide inside the school in the mornings, guarded by nasty Bidelli (unless you are friends with them of couse ) who wont let you set one step inside the building.