Keeping it simple is definately the key. Also, where I live there is a huge non italian community and the common language is of course, English. I always understand what people say to me whether it is really correct or not. When I realised this I also realised that even when my italian is not correct it is still understandable. Using the same words as my italian friends use also helps.

I will definitely bear that in mind! Whereabouts do you live if you don't mind me asking?

I'm compiling a list of what I believe will be the most useful/important phrases/words, and I'm going to start learning the grammar and verb system, so that when the time comes to learn new words I'll be well equipped to know where to place them.

We are in Varese which is between Milan and Como. Did you know that the first motorway ever built anywhere in the world was between Varese and Milan. I don't think they have resurfaced it since.

Would this be the correct way of asking for two drinks?

Avro una birra, e un biacherre da vino bianco, per favore.

Not really.

I know that avrò is the future of the verb to have and "I'll have a beer" is how we would say it at home but not here.
Use the present part of the verb 'to take' ........ prendo una birra e un vino bianco per favore
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or say "per me una birra per favore" and let the other person say what they want

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or just wait for the staff to ask what you want and then say "una birra e un vino bianco per favore."

Most places are table waited here - even the bars/pubs if you sit down at one. Your choice whether to sit down or stay at the bar.

Thank you once again! I must be driving you bonkers!

Impossible. Most of us have been bonkers for years. Having kids starts you down a slippery slope and dealing with Italian paper work sends you flying down the rest of the way.

Ha ha, good to know! So on that note...

How would I go about saying:

"My lady, your beauty knows no bounds."

And if you want, throw in something that's a bit more funny like:

"Alright love, fancy a quickie out back?"

Just because if a British girl asks me about Italian, I have something better to say than just "Sorry, I don't understand. My Italian is pants." I also have "would you like a drink" under my belt. So I have some bases covered!

Own up! You're Duffer's twin.

Ha ha! I've been compared to TestaRossa's husband and now Duffer!

But seriously, a little help for a clueless idiot?

I just use

"va dar via il culo" if the annoy me

never say per favore posso avere un café? grazie I just say... mi da un café

at the meat counter If they say buon giorno i say it back if not it's due etti or what ever I need.

If you can not beat them join them.....When I came over I was all poilte English like...queue, open the door...Now "ma va la"

DWE: as for the women....Just say (as most understand english) do you know the difference between sex and English?...................... lay down and let me talk to you....