johnnyj

So here's the scenario, we've decided that we want to give living in Italy a go, sell up and leave the U.K to retire and live the "Dolce Vita". How have you overcome the problem with close family members being dead set against the idea? My wife's Father is o.k with the idea as he is very independent, my parents on the other hand are not so keen, my Mother, due to health problems, will not be able to come across and visit us at all. A big rift appears to be developing, help??

Lorna at Vicenza

Hi Johnny and welcome to the forum.

I haven't seen this question asked in the Italian forum before but I have seen it hundreds of times in the USA, Canada and Australia forum.

The general consensus seems to be to go for it, try out your dream and don't put things on hold because friends or family might disagree with you or think you're mad.

You have the advantage that Italy is so much closer to the UK than those other countries and you can be back in a matter of hours. Flights are not as expensive as they used to be either.

Try it - if you don't like it or if circumstances change, you can always go back. You won't ever miss the British summer that's for sure

Let us know what you decide and just shout if you have any questions about Italy.

Mr Posh

Hello Johnnyj

Welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear about the rift, BUT Italia is BELLA.

Have you thought about renting before you make the big move keep your house in the UK rent that out and rent in Italy to see how things go. then when the family get used to it sell and buy here.

Renting gives them a sense that you have not left if you know what i mean.

Patty

Hi Johnny
I agree with Lorna - you have to go with your feelingsand try the dream. I always think (sorry I know its corny......) thats its better to do something and regret it - than not do it at all If you never try it then you will always be left wondering. We had a similar thing - older parents not in good health and the guilt trip - but in the end it has all worked out and while my mum cant travel any more, I can always go and see her. Sometimes you have to put yourself first - not in a selfish way but in a sort of 'well deserved' way??? Hope that makes sense!

TestaRossa

Go for it! Your parents should be all for it - parents are supposed to support their kids, not send them on a guilt trip! We had 30 years of that behaviour from my MIL - she died in Spring. Do we feel bad for not staying 10 yards from her? No. Would I now feel resentful and angry if I had? Yes. They'll come around or not. Phones and skype can keep you in touch - if it helps get them a laptop and Internet connection and show them how to e-mail and instant message! If you see them every day it will be a wrench, a lot less then all the fuss is about you doing what you want to do rather than what they want you to do! Do you have siblings? You need them enlisted too. Also remember if your mum is in poor health your dad is losing an ally and is probably scared at being on his own to cope. Even so they have to let go. Btw, my 14 year old son willingly goes to boarding school in the UK - I hate him going but by not stopping him now I hope I will see more of him in the future, so I know both sides of this problem! Hope it works out

johnnyj

Thanks for all your replies, we also think that we should try now - being 50 - rather than wait for possibly another 20 years. I don't think that at pushing 70 we could cope with the move! We will rent before buying, as much to confirm that we are happy with the area as anything else. Wether we remain in Italy for the rest of our lives remains to be seen, I hope so though. How many of you plan to return to the U.K ready for when the lights are turned out for the last time? Sorry to be morbid, the guilt trip must be getting me down!

lindaf

Hi Johnny

It's a strange thing to leave your 'home' and go and live abroad but it can work out OK. We moved here because of work - the English office/plant closed down and my husband was offered a job in the Italian branch of the company. To us it would be an adventure for 18 months/2 years that we didn't want to miss however I knew there would be mixed reactions in the family.

My dad wasn't sure and was worried about where we'd live, what the people would be like, whether we'd be safe, if we would actually like it ourselves. Now we're in a routine of phoning, and e-mailing and we're keeping in touch often and my dad has been over here to visit which means he knows what the area is like and where we are talking about. My brother and sister and my husband's family were OK and looked forward to the holidays!

One of the funny things relatives of ours have said is that they see more of us now than they did when we were living in the same country - we spend more 'quality' time with everyone when we do go back.

As TestaRossa said, Skype and computers help you keep in touch cheaply and easily. I use Skype to phone my dad on his normal telephone line and it costs me around 40p for a 30min phone call - at this price you can talk everyday for as long as you like.

Good luck with your plans. Linda

Lorna at Vicenza

Go for it. 50 is not old but 70 is much older than 50.

Whether you remain here for the rest of your lives might also depend on what kind of friends and social life you make for yourselves here. I had an Australian friend who came here with her parents as they both believed that they wanted to grow old and die in their home country. They didn't last 2 years before they went back to Oz where they had bingo clubs and day centres and old folks outings and day trips, public transport and goodness knows what else. This quiet village didn't have what they wanted anymore after they had been living in Melbourne for over 40 years.
Whatever rocks your boat I suppose.

As for myself - I hope that when my time comes, it comes damn quickly and that I don't know about it. That way I won't have to make any decisions or plans. I did tell my Italian OH last week that I certainly didn't want to be buried here but I'd just found out my Uncle in England had died and I'd been chatting to my crying cousins so feeling a bit down anyway.

Anyway - I think I'd prefer to be cremated and not buried.

Make your plans well - depending on what kind of people you are will affect your decision on where to live. Living out in the sticks can get lonely if you don't have a car and living in a tiny place will mean you'll need Italian to get by as well. If you're gardening lovers you'll have a fab time here with all the fantastic produce that you can grow yourselves.

As for the guilt you're feeling ........ once your here you'll have your pick of Italian priests to absolve you of that

paintermujer

We are going to Spain in 3 weeks and Ive been going thru the same with my mum recently.

This last week has been horrible.

But all of us only have one life and this is my lifelong dream and this will be my third attempt at going and staying.

Mum says Im being selfish but others say I havent got a selfish bone in my body.

She dosent talk about our move - dosent even know where were going to exactly.

I could go on and on..........

Youre not the only one and I do sympathise with you cos I know what its like.

It wont stop us though and it shouldnt stop you.

The very best of luck.

johnnyj

Lorna, we plan to live in the centre of a town and to walk to the shops and the beach, I have found such a place and we are both going in September after the birth of a grandchild. I have been previously on my own and liked being in the centre of things with the bustle and noise, at home though we live in a very quiet neighborhood. Nearly all of the accommodation is apartments though, we currently live in a detached house - not sure about apartment living! Any advice?

johnnyj

Thanks, I hope things work out for you also. Why the third attempt, what happened to the other two??

TestaRossa

On the note of mothers and selfishness - we didn't tell my MIL until we knew we were going - about 6 weeks before the fact! We were already 200 miles away though so it was easier to be devious!! Just shows the lengths you have to go to though! I hope I am never like this with my kids......! And that's the bit we all really have to think about!

Lorna at Vicenza

Not much really. neighbours are neighbours the world over - some nice and some noisy and some just plain awful.

Older buildings generally have thicker walls so less noise creeping through.
If you don't like loads of noise try and avoid a block with young kids.
Check which walls if any are connecting walls to next door and which room they connect to. A friend was once in a temporary rented flat. She could hear the man next door each time he went for a wee ..... not just the toilet flushing but the actual noise of the man peeing. She could also hear the click of his light switches. Internal walls made from cardboard.

Say "buon giorno" or "buona sera" to all the neighbours every time you meet them on the steps / entrance etc. They might not at first always reply but it gives them no reason to think you are a miserable bloody foreigner.

Depending on the size of the block there might be an administrator. This can be good if you have problems with anything as they are supposed to sort it - but it can be bad if you have neighbours that want to pick on every bit of wahing out, light bills, comunal areas, size of door handles, siesta times, and anything else that they want to moan about. Some people just have too much time on their hands for picking on everything that others do.

I once had a neighbour that played very very loud music. I could even hear it over my own. He told me he liked it that way when I asked if he could turn it down a bit. It was music I hated. One day, early morning I put my speakers face down on the floor pointing towards him and chose a selection of really loud music like Queen and I turned my volume up to the loudest possible and then went out for hours.
Not nice of me at all and not neighbourly but it worked. That taste of his own medicine did the trick.

Patty

Johnny - I've lived in appartments here and now we live in a house. The thing with apartments is that unless you live on the top floor you will have someone above you. We've had 'different' experiences with people above us - one was lady who shouted and swore all the time - one was a sweet lady who had a walking stick and liked wearing her clippy cloppy shoes - and the others had a ....DOG - which drove us nuts !!! So its probably luck But one thing I would really investigate before signing the dotted line is exactly how much condominium expenses are to be paid - whats included and whats not. After we'd moved out the last one, we had a bill about 7 months later for the difference we owed cos the heating had been much higher than planned and we had to cough up over 500 € !!! Its called 'conguaglio' I think and the administrator of the block will do all this.
So maybe best go for the top floor (except you'll have more lift expenses to pay !!)

Lorna at Vicenza

All true, but the smaller blocks won't have administrators or lifts.

Some of the apartments around here look like beautiful two storey villas ...... you can only tell they are apartments because there are 4 doorbells and 4 post boxes.

Johhny - "Riscaldamento autonomo" is the type of heating where each flat has its own connection so you are not connected to a 'global' type that is out of your control.