Not wanting to bore you all - but as I'm in Italy here is my problemo...

Been in italy for donkeys years. Well 8 to be precise. Have house, good job and great OH (italian). Missing England like mad, have been for many years, very close to uk family, OH does not speak good English. Body clock ticking like a time bomb.

Feel like I have two lives and I will never be really contented and happy in Italy but also can't convince OH to move to UK. Really need to make a decision once and for all - for both of us. Pants situation.

Today received a call for an interview for a job in the UK right close to home, (sent cv just for a laff). Didn't expect a reply.

DILEMA: not said anything to OH regarding job offer.
Feel like a traitor and a S**t.
Would like to split myself in two and live in both 'worlds'.

HELP - feel like I may have a bonkers breakdown soon. Any advice welcome

I've been in Italy for donkeys years too. I love lots of things about italy like the weather and the lifestyle, but I too would go back to the UK at the drop of a hat. I don't really have any close ties to the UK any more, but I just get so annoyed with so many things here. It feels like the UK was 20 years ago. After Berlusconi got stronger in the latest elections, my OH is thinking of going back to the UK too. She doesn't want to live in a country of people who elect someone like him and I don't blame her!

Doubt that really helps you, but good luck.

I'm not a mindreader,but it sounds to me like you really in your heart of hearts want to be in the UK. Hence the looking round for a job.
Try putting yourself in your OH shoes. Does he really want you to be so unhappy and homesick.
If it was the other way round and you were both in the UK for 8 years, and HE was till homesick...what would you want him to do?
If you've tried for 8 years and still want to be in the UK, doesnt that tell you something?
HOWEVER,there are 2 sides to the story. How would you cope if you had to leave your OH and move back to the UK alone? Can you imagine doing that?
I cant tell you what to do...but you only have 1 life and should be where your heart is.
Good luck with your decision,keep us posted?
Oh and remember that the UK is in a crisis still...and 1 job interview doesnt mean you have the job. But you do seem to be actively looking for one without telling OH.........

Thanks Durobird (nice name)

yep. Been bashing my head against a brick wall for years now. But need to make a decision for both our sakes. Maybe if OH spoke better English that would help the family issues I have and make life feel a little more UNITED between my italian life and english life.
Good point about if the boot was on the other foot - OH often tells me that I am free to go home when I want, but he would first break my legs so I can't make it to the door (what he means to say, in a not very sweet but ever so slightly romantic way, 'don't leave me')
well here's to pigging out on chocolate over the next few days, again, thanks for giving me five minutes of yr time! x

Have and affair and go home

An affair, too much like hard work. Prefer to get a dog, or read a book... oh and go home.

Cherry B, won't go into details but I had a time a while ago when I was on the verge of packing up kids and moving home with or without OH.... the only sticking point was going home with no house and no money and not knowing what the hell I would do and feeling stuck. A good friend said that what I needed to do was explore the every single option and worse case scenario in my mind. This included b***gering off home on my own and leaving kids here. I knew straight away in my heart of hearts that I couldn't leave the kids that was the deal breaker. I also then knew in my heart of hearts that I couldn't just up and leave without security and part of that security was OH who has (in his own, unique way looked after me. After I knew that I knew I could accept the consequences of making the decision to stay and then I could accept responsibility for my own actions rather than feeling that everything had been imposed on me. Maybe that's what you need to do... look at each option (and I mean all permutations) and see how you FEEL about it. That will give you your answer. Good luck and hugs, it feels horrible to be so torn doesn't it!

Reading your post the first thing that struck me was that it seems that you miss your family and not the actual "living in England". I've been here 20yrs, like you I have a house, a good job, a great Italian OH (well, 99% of the time!) and a son. A few years ago I went through the same thing. I'm a great believer in pros and cons. I made out my list and worked on it for weeks. The decision to go back to the UK was left up to me. My OH loves everything English and said (although I'm not 100% sure if he would have gone through with it) that he was prepared to sell up and move. After weeks of crossing out and adding in I realised that what I really missed was my carefree-unmarried-childless life and not "England". To be sure I went back to the UK for a month alone and found I couldn't wait to get back here. I'm not saying that it'll be the same for you but l agree with Indie - look at each option.

In reply to both Indiebird and Dina:

I do miss alot of things about the UK, not just my family although that is obviously a huge pull.
I do write lists of pros and cons, think about what life would be like here, there and everywhere, with and without OH.

Basically, I know my decision :
1. Stay in Italy with OH and build a family life here - forget living in UK.
2. Move back to UK withou OH and build a life there - forget living in Italy.

It really is that simple. But very v difficult.
I am destined to be unhappy in some way with either decision I make but at least I can move on once I have come to a final decision and hopefully begin to make a home which I can really call 'home'.

Do any of you feel like you live in two worlds? An Italian life and a UK life. They seem so different. That is why I have this torn feeling and need to choose one or the other, or maybe find a happy medium. Not sure that exists.
Sorry to start a heavy thread (and probably one that has been done and done and dusted 1000 times before) but I do appreciate all yr comments. Even the funny ones!

I dunno if they are just the only two options you have. Do you think you could persuade your OH to move to the UK with you and improve his English and live with you there for example? I don't know what your circumstances are but perhaps you could support him whilst he learns English well enough for him to find a job. You really need to explore every single option and permutation in your mind...... and then remember that he is going to need to do this too.... a heart to heart might be in order too. There are two people in your relationship and you do owe it to him to tell him how you feel about things. He might come up with something you haven't thought of.... you never know!

I don't know if I feel like I live in two worlds, often I feel like I don't belong in either and I know that my kids feel the same too... not sure my OH even thinks about it! I still read a lot in English, listen to Radio two and yet when I go outside the house I'm in another world that I don't really understand or even like and then when I go home to the UK I don't feel like I fit there either.... my friends lives have moved on a little as have my family and my kids find this really difficult. They don't watch the same TV progs here as their peers or do the same things like Catecismo for example but then when they go back to the UK they find their friends have formed new friendships there are new fads there that they don't know anything about and they don't understand school there either and that their friends there have slightly different problems than they do here etc. It is a little sad to watch but I know that for us this isn't forever and one day they will look back and see that they had a good time whilst living here and experienced something that their friends in the UK didn't.

So you have an OH here in Italy? Maybe they are the problem? Are they able to satisfy your needs?

Also, you may need to consider that at least you have an OH here. Are you up for a single life back in the UK because if you're a minger and don't look young for your age you may well remain single for some time. Your family can help only so much, unless of course incest is your cup of tea (you could be Welsh for all I know).

Me, I lived the daily grind in London. Now I live in a small sad town in the NE. But I tell you one thing, it's fantastic to go back to London twice a year on holiday and that's what I treat it as - a holiday to lounge around and spend time with friends and family. It's always depressing returning to Italy however but that's just normal post-holiday blues I guess.

One point that none of us have picked up on yet.
You say your "bodyclock is ticking like a time bomb"
Is this a problem? Does OH not want kids,or are you not wanting them till you are settled in the Country you choose?

Hi Cherry, Just read your post and was like- that was me 9 years ago! (well not your circumstances ie good job, no children but mind set on returning to UK). After having my 1st child I was so homesick and persuaded my OH to return, he spoke the most basic of English, but within 2 weeks he got NI number and a job (well it was 9 yrs ago). We rented a house near my parents then eventually bought property. We have since moved 3 times he has changed jobs few times and had another 2 children. On paper our life is perfect, OH now speaks perfect english. Not sure what the job situation would be for your OH, have you spoke to him about your feelings. We are now planning to return to Italy, which is more my instigation than my OH.
I'd say follow your heart, life is def to short. Best of luck.

Indie I really enjoy reading your posts, you sound a lovely warm caring person your advice is always reassuring and impartial. (You are like the forums agony aunt!) Hope you don't mind me asking are you in Italy indefinitely or will your OH job take you back to the UK. x

Thanks duffer But friends (and blokes) assure me I am not a minger even at 38, and yes I know that I may end up being a lonely ol spinster with 28 cats pooing on the sofa in an old dark council house, but at least I am not welsh (Joke of course)

Anyway, sounds like we all have to put up with the good and bad about living away from home. I feel you are not happy here either duffer?

Regarding biological clock, just an age thing I guess. OH would like kids but I just know that is not going to help us and would obviously just make matters worse.

I need to decide this weekend guys, I am otherwise going to loose my marbles. I will talk to OH, although he just says the decision is mine... and he is right. I think applying for the job was a self test from my part. Having received a reply has given me the 'willies' and so I know that I need to make a decision and stop being a prat.

Again, thanks to u all for comments. They do help - keep em coming tho x