I have lived out here for twelve years, and most of the time I have really loved it. We have never had much money as we live on one pension, but we got along OK. Then, last year, all our friends who moved here the same time as us, or even a couple of years after us, sold up and moved. Suddenly, I am feeling homesick - not for my family (large, and all in the UK!) but for a feeling of belonging somewhere. I speak and understand enough Italian to be able to communicate with others in our village, but I miss the indescribable feeling of belonging to a larger group than just the stranieri in the village! Does anyone else feel this? What are you doing about it? Serious question!

For me the answer is my sports club, there are only 2 brits and 100 odd Italians in the club but I am fully involved (now on the Committee) and they tend to be the people I socialize with as well. Appreciate that may not help you too much but I offer it for what it is worth.

well you made a good start by joining us on here , we are always ready to chat and have a laugh . Mike is right about joining a club, be it sports / church / social or whatever a shared interest helps you become part of a group really quickly

Well I certainly am glad to have something like this forum to share how I feel. Bit arthritic for active sports, but I agree with the sentiment. the lack of Brits as such does not bother me so much, it is just feeling that I have to constantly justify to everyone "Why are you living here in Italy?", " Is it much better here than back in the UK" when I am no longer sure of the answer????

Aww, sorry to hear you feel like this.
I suppose it all depends on why you moved there in the first place and whether you feel Italy is still giving you what you need and/or want?

Constantly having to justify reasoning for anything you do in life can sometimes be a bit dragging.

Perhaps you could re-embrace all the reasons you love and moved to Italy to make yourself feel a bit more positive. Or cook up some yummy pasta, open some wine and invite all the neighbours round for support?

Luckily, so far I have never had the feeling of not belonging somewhere no matter where I am. It's certainly not a feeling I ever want to experience. Perhaps working out what you want or need right now is the key. If you were back in the UK, do you think you would feel you belong or would you miss Italy?
Hope this helps a little. Take care

hi spotty i see you are not to far up the road from us we are near chieti , you have made the first move to be part of somthing by jjoining this forum ,summers coming and things will start to hapen , we found by going on church utting in our village helped a lot even thourh we not chrurch goers or even catholics but we met lots of people and now feel part of the village , hope this helps

Hi Herbert, I felt immensely lonely for a long time in Italy. I didn't fit into any social group but slowly found my way by following what I wanted to do. I learnt the language sufficiently to communicate and socialize with Italians. I also went along to little expat gatherings, book swaps, dinners and even held a coffee morning at my house as a sort of housewarming party. How about hosting a barbeque and everyone brings a plate now that the weather is getting a bit nicer? Maybe this will remind you of how many friend you do have here. I do believe that you have to work at living abroad, you have to perhaps make a big effort to be sociable and help lift yourself out of feeling down. I also believe that it's important to visit friends and family in the UK every while, whilst visiting once a year is perfect for me it may be that you need to go back and top up four or five times for little breaks - there's nothing wrong with that is there? I don't belong here or in the UK and it's a very strange thing but I do know that my neighbours here find time for me, I enjoy what I do and I have far more genuine friends here than in the UK. Don't feel as if you are alone as you are definitely not. I wish you well and hope you begin to feel more positive soon.

I completely understand the feeling and I'm sorry to hear it, sometimes it's easy to feel a bit caught between 2 countries. For me the important thing is keep up with social activities, groups, or things that take your interest like others have said above.

For me food is a passion, both cooking and eating. So I like to cook for others, even simple things like making a birthday cake for a friend and spending some time enjoying it with them. Also family meals with the in-laws are always a great laugh and bring my spirits up (maybe I'm lucky with this one )

But sometimes I miss just speaking English too, fluently, without having to think in Italian or explain cultural differences. For me this forum, and Facebook to keep up with friends are great for this!

Maybe you can take a holiday back the UK for a while? Or wherever takes your fancy.

You guys are BRILLIANT! Thank you for being so understanding. It is good to hear that other people can feel like this, and yes, cooking is a passion which I am determined to rekindle as soon as the produce starts again in the garden. I think this feeling came about because this winter we have had 3 people, one family and 2 close friends die and maybe this brings thoughts of time running out to mind. I am not normally a melancholy person (really!!) and the support from people here has made me think positively. Rather than dwell on what might happen I am going to resolve to live each day as it comes. Hugs and kisses to you all - and I will now try and be a more positive contributor. And yes, Linseed, I too enjoy joining in with stuff at our church - even though I can't understand what is going on as I am not Catholi9c! I just go with the flow! x

I too associate meals with the in -laws with spirits .. but it's mainly me downing them ..

Sorry that you're down in the dumps.

Being a British ex-pat in Italy can be like being on holiday every day of your life (except when you have to deal with bureaucracy, public institutions or health system etc.) You don't have to worry about what the politicians are getting up to (unless there's any danger of them fleecing your bank account) so you are in the privileged position of not having to engage with the less charming aspects of the culture unless you choose to do so.

I've found that being English, it's easy in Italy to make acquaintances in villages or small towns, as you have some curiosity value, and come from what they perceive to be a relatively rich 'soft power' country. Your Italian acquaintances may be puzzled as to why you have chosen to live in a place that they're continually berating and moaning about – but when push comes to shove they are the world's greatest 'campanilisti'.

In all the years of my association with Italy I don't think I've ever managed to make any (what I would consider) 'real' friends – which can be frustrating and isolating. (This could be related to the strength of the Italian extended family structure, as I've never married 'in'.) 'The grass is always greener' syndrome can easily set in – but with having had feet in both camps for many a year I feel calm and happy whenever I wake up in Italy and can't wait to feel the warmth of the sun; whereas when I wake up in my beloved Blighty I feel stressed and grumpy.

I hope that you start feeling more optimistic very soon. Spring is in the air and it's a glorious day.

I would like to answer the question in the OP: Yes, I do.

At times like this, it can help to think of things that make it worthwhile staying in Italy. My list includes:
1) keeping daughter happy
2) keeping MIL happy
(thinks....)
price of Parmigiano Reggiano/balsamico/wine in the UK
....................
.....................
(still thinking)
----------------
----------------

Suggestions on a postcard, please!

Ciao Herbert, a bit late in the day (as usual!). I've been here a long long time, and have close family ties, but still feel the odd'homesick' twinge now and again. Used to have a demanding job that didn't give me much time to think about it;and in any case made frequent visits to UK. Now I'm a pensioner with wife's health issues making trips to UK unlikely in forseeable future. On the other hand BE, facebook, the box, etc etc. allow me to still feel British. Joining in your local Pro Loco, and your local Senior Citizens 'Centro Anziani' could be a good move to help your local social life. All the very best,
'o nonno

Have a look here:

http://www.comunesbt.it/ambitosocial...M/26211AST0300

Hello Spotty, I've been here a long time. I'm married to an Italian and settled here with a fairly comfortable life, but circumstances and the sudden death of a few close (Italian) friends here have caused me to wobble a bit lately. And it's not as if I want to go back to the UK and as my family is tiny and most have died, I wouldn't go back for them. What's more, I don't fit in there and OH's English isn't great and he doesn't like the cold. But I just can't get it out of my head that maybe, just maybe I would be happier/better off there.