Originally Posted by sunnyjt (Post 9775977)

Hello everyone,

I don't often post on these boards as I don't feel I have much to contribute in the way of sage advice on life here in Italy, but when I have posted an issue, I have got consistently good, sound advice, so here's hoping someone out there knows about how I am feeling.

I hate to be a whinger and a Negative Nancy, but please humour me for a minute. I have been here for about 10 months, and I came to be with my boyfriend, who turned into my husband. At first I was romanced and enchanted about living in Italy. I imagined myself working at a little school, driving a cute bike around, and collecting fruit from markets whilst speaking fluent Italian. and wearing amazing clothes.

The reality looks like this: I have NO friends, my bike got stolen after having it for 2 weeks, I stumble through my Italian on a daily basis, the chick at the language school is a nutcase and actually, I hate teaching English (and I think I absolutely am pants at it). I have nice clothes, but honestly, who on earth am I wearing them for, as I don't go out much.

I do not understand Italians, and especially the women. I am sorry, I know this post is depression city and I admit that i am feeling sorry for myself, but what is the go with these people?! The women (that I know) are so jealous, they stare you up and down and comment on how I look at all times (tired! bella! skinny! not skinny!) They do not feel like true friends and seem to only give a toss about their families, which I can understand given that anyone outside of your family seems to want to use you for money, talk about money, be jealous, be competitive. God FORBID going out to split a bottle of wine (or two) over dinner and being silly. I actually can't even imagine finding a woman here to do that with.

I came from a rich group of girlfriends and have always been extra social, so it never even entered my head that I wouldn't make another gaggle of friends. The people I have met (and my H owns a company, so bare in mind a lot of people I know I met through work and they all seem to want to get a buck off him) just seem shady as hell and I am getting over even trying to make an effort anymore.

Before I was having some moments of depression, but I could always climb out of them. But after spending some time in London with some friends recently, I came back just gutted. I feel like the girl I used to be is just lost here. I can't even be funny as I don't get the sense of humor and anyways, my wit does not translate into Italian. I just remember bursting into tears at the airport coming back from the UK, with all its organization and clean, nice lines and people being civilized to the line at the Italian airport with the usual insanity, no lining up for anything, pushing to get ahead, staring, etc.

I just feel like I don't know what to do. I feel isolated here (I live in a village outside of Milan) with no car (my H always has it) and now no bike, and I feel like my life is constantly staying in the house and cooking and cleaning. Not like my Italian husband would ever wash a plate under any circumstances ever in life.

Now things are cracking at home because I am so down and trapped inside my head and my husband just wants me to be happy and I just hear myself complain. Things as simple as the hairdressers here are enough to make me cry now. I had beautiful blonde hair, now I have orange streaks where highlights are supposed to be. Good god.

Is this going to get better and will I come to some sort of acceptance of this life style and culture? If I can't see my own selfishness and pessimism and someone would like to shake me out of it and tell me off, please do. Just anything to help me get some perspective on this. I feel like I am starting to hate everything about Italy :(

Thank you all for reading.

Originally Posted by 37100 (Post 9779657)

And I forgot to say, being Italian isn't an excuse for not washing the dishes!

Originally Posted by sunnyjt (Post 9775977)

Hello everyone,

I don't often post on these boards as I don't feel I have much to contribute in the way of sage advice on life here in Italy, but when I have posted an issue, I have got consistently good, sound advice, so here's hoping someone out there knows about how I am feeling.

I hate to be a whinger and a Negative Nancy, but please humour me for a minute. I have been here for about 10 months, and I came to be with my boyfriend, who turned into my husband. At first I was romanced and enchanted about living in Italy. I imagined myself working at a little school, driving a cute bike around, and collecting fruit from markets whilst speaking fluent Italian. and wearing amazing clothes.

The reality looks like this: I have NO friends, my bike got stolen after having it for 2 weeks, I stumble through my Italian on a daily basis, the chick at the language school is a nutcase and actually, I hate teaching English (and I think I absolutely am pants at it). I have nice clothes, but honestly, who on earth am I wearing them for, as I don't go out much.

I do not understand Italians, and especially the women. I am sorry, I know this post is depression city and I admit that i am feeling sorry for myself, but what is the go with these people?! The women (that I know) are so jealous, they stare you up and down and comment on how I look at all times (tired! bella! skinny! not skinny!) They do not feel like true friends and seem to only give a toss about their families, which I can understand given that anyone outside of your family seems to want to use you for money, talk about money, be jealous, be competitive. God FORBID going out to split a bottle of wine (or two) over dinner and being silly. I actually can't even imagine finding a woman here to do that with.

I came from a rich group of girlfriends and have always been extra social, so it never even entered my head that I wouldn't make another gaggle of friends. The people I have met (and my H owns a company, so bare in mind a lot of people I know I met through work and they all seem to want to get a buck off him) just seem shady as hell and I am getting over even trying to make an effort anymore.

Before I was having some moments of depression, but I could always climb out of them. But after spending some time in London with some friends recently, I came back just gutted. I feel like the girl I used to be is just lost here. I can't even be funny as I don't get the sense of humor and anyways, my wit does not translate into Italian. I just remember bursting into tears at the airport coming back from the UK, with all its organization and clean, nice lines and people being civilized to the line at the Italian airport with the usual insanity, no lining up for anything, pushing to get ahead, staring, etc.

I just feel like I don't know what to do. I feel isolated here (I live in a village outside of Milan) with no car (my H always has it) and now no bike, and I feel like my life is constantly staying in the house and cooking and cleaning. Not like my Italian husband would ever wash a plate under any circumstances ever in life.

Now things are cracking at home because I am so down and trapped inside my head and my husband just wants me to be happy and I just hear myself complain. Things as simple as the hairdressers here are enough to make me cry now. I had beautiful blonde hair, now I have orange streaks where highlights are supposed to be. Good god.

Is this going to get better and will I come to some sort of acceptance of this life style and culture? If I can't see my own selfishness and pessimism and someone would like to shake me out of it and tell me off, please do. Just anything to help me get some perspective on this. I feel like I am starting to hate everything about Italy :(

Thank you all for reading.

Originally Posted by pugliese (Post 9790247)

Anyone know how sunnyjt is getting on? It would be nice to have an update.

Originally Posted by sunnyjt (Post 9791094)

Hello! I am here and I wrote an update on a new thread, I didn't know if people would see it if I posted on this thread :)

Thank you for your kindness.

Originally Posted by Lorna at Vicenza (Post 9791102)

We'd have seen it - but don't worry.

Originally Posted by The Gardener (Post 9792629)

Hi,
I'm the gardener's wife, an italian woman.
Sorry for my bad English. Generally, I read it better than I write
I read all threads and I can share everything that has been said about Italian women. I myself have a hard time finding Italian women friends.
The family in Italy is a grave and is leading Italy to the grave, but this is a long speech.
I live 45 km from the city where I was born and here all consider me a foreigner, they are all nice to me, but I'm always a foreigner!!:p
In my solitude, that I learned to appreciate, working on children sewing patterns on the computer, I become something of a misanthrope.
I think that many Italian women like me do not care of the house, or washing the dishes and so on, and would be happy to chat with British women (even with the difficulty of the language).
Perhaps we should seek us better each other!

Originally Posted by 6monthshere6monthsthere (Post 9793792)

If you want to find people close to you

Try facebook!

I tried to find people on here in sicily and it was not that easy

I searched to find people who had posted only once and messaged them

Guess what - there are active local groups all over FB

The sicily group i am in now has 500 members!

Which is why i stopped posting here - was only checking for a pm