Where's the humour
Mar 11th 2002, 6:06 pm
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
Where's the humour
Chris threatened to beat me up a couple of days ago, admittedly it was mistaken
identity, so no hard feelings. Anyway, I know this application process is a serious
business, but I sense we are getting a bit stressed out, especially the non-IT folk
who may have a long wait. I suggest we tell each other a few jokes to keep morale up.
Nothing offensive please, although on an NG like this that's probably impossible.
I'll start:
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
How does a Microsoft chicken cross the road?
You have to insert your local currency for this one: I'll use pence but you use
whatever is appropriate: Here goes: If carrots cost 20pence per Kilo and onions cost
50pence per kilo, how much is a head of cabbage? Think about it before you answer.
Live every day like it's your last. One day you'll be right.! Thunder Ace
identity, so no hard feelings. Anyway, I know this application process is a serious
business, but I sense we are getting a bit stressed out, especially the non-IT folk
who may have a long wait. I suggest we tell each other a few jokes to keep morale up.
Nothing offensive please, although on an NG like this that's probably impossible.
I'll start:
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
How does a Microsoft chicken cross the road?
You have to insert your local currency for this one: I'll use pence but you use
whatever is appropriate: Here goes: If carrots cost 20pence per Kilo and onions cost
50pence per kilo, how much is a head of cabbage? Think about it before you answer.
Live every day like it's your last. One day you'll be right.! Thunder Ace
Mar 11th 2002, 6:46 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2001
Location: Gladstone Qld Australia
Posts: 101
Re: Where's the humour
Lol thunder you are right, I know I for one am turning into a sad individual, have almost forgotten what life before immigration application was all about. Think the postman is starting to worry cos every morning I have my nose pressed to the window waiting for him...hope he doesnt think his look is in BUT once he delivers the news I want I will give him the biggest kiss going!!!!
Mar 11th 2002, 7:07 pm
#3
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 116
Re: Where's the humour
HERES A GOOD ONE!!!!
One day I'll be living in the Queensland sunshine with a beer in my hand laughing at what life used to be like in the UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See - I've even lost my sense of humour!!
lol Britbird
One day I'll be living in the Queensland sunshine with a beer in my hand laughing at what life used to be like in the UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See - I've even lost my sense of humour!!
lol Britbird
Mar 11th 2002, 7:51 pm
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Where's the humour
Thunder,
Excellent idea. Loads of applause.
I hope no-one finds this one offensive.
With the new Euro I hear the phrase "I need to spend a penny" will now be "I need to need to Euronate"
THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT ON MY BEHALF, so please, let's not let this turn into a debate on the euro. Kick back, open a beer/bottle of wine and look forward to summer.
Hang in there
Nigel db
Excellent idea. Loads of applause.
I hope no-one finds this one offensive.
With the new Euro I hear the phrase "I need to spend a penny" will now be "I need to need to Euronate"
THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT ON MY BEHALF, so please, let's not let this turn into a debate on the euro. Kick back, open a beer/bottle of wine and look forward to summer.
Hang in there
Nigel db
Mar 12th 2002, 12:06 am
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Where's the humour
"Thunder Ace" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Chris threatened to beat me up a couple of days ago, admittedly it was mistaken
> identity, so no hard feelings.
Err, you might want to read what I wrote. I never threatened anyone. That was YOU.
Chris
news:[email protected]...
> Chris threatened to beat me up a couple of days ago, admittedly it was mistaken
> identity, so no hard feelings.
Err, you might want to read what I wrote. I never threatened anyone. That was YOU.
Chris
Mar 12th 2002, 9:05 am
#6
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Where's the humour
"Chris" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
> "Thunder Ace" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
> > Chris threatened to beat me up a couple of days ago, admittedly it was mistaken
> > identity, so no hard feelings.
>
> Err, you might want to read what I wrote. I never threatened anyone. That was YOU.
>
>
>
> Chris
Alright Chris, I started it, fair enough.
news:<[email protected]>...
> "Thunder Ace" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
> > Chris threatened to beat me up a couple of days ago, admittedly it was mistaken
> > identity, so no hard feelings.
>
> Err, you might want to read what I wrote. I never threatened anyone. That was YOU.
>
>
>
> Chris
Alright Chris, I started it, fair enough.
Mar 12th 2002, 9:35 am
#7
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Where's the humour
ndaltonb <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
> Thunder,
>
> Excellent idea. Loads of applause.
>
> I hope no-one finds this one offensive.
>
> With the new Euro I hear the phrase "I need to spend a penny" will now be "I need
> to need to Euronate"
>
That's excellent that.
And how does a Microsoft chicken corss the road? Answer: The Microsoft chicken gets
dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
> THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT ON MY BEHALF, so please, let's not let this turn
> into a debate on the euro. Kick back, open a beer/bottle of wine and look forward
> to summer.
>
> Hang in there
>
> Nigel db
news:<[email protected]>...
> Thunder,
>
> Excellent idea. Loads of applause.
>
> I hope no-one finds this one offensive.
>
> With the new Euro I hear the phrase "I need to spend a penny" will now be "I need
> to need to Euronate"
>
That's excellent that.
And how does a Microsoft chicken corss the road? Answer: The Microsoft chicken gets
dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
> THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT ON MY BEHALF, so please, let's not let this turn
> into a debate on the euro. Kick back, open a beer/bottle of wine and look forward
> to summer.
>
> Hang in there
>
> Nigel db
Mar 12th 2002, 1:31 pm
#8
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Re: Where's the humour
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know a pint goes flat after a draw on it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each of me brothers and one for me self."!
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh no, everybody's just fine," He explains. "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.
Hasn't affected me brothers a bit though."
The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know a pint goes flat after a draw on it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each of me brothers and one for me self."!
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh no, everybody's just fine," He explains. "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.
Hasn't affected me brothers a bit though."
Mar 12th 2002, 10:06 pm
#9
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Where's the humour
Sandra <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
> An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in
> the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes
> them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
>
> The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know a pint goes flat after a draw on
> it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies,
> "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia and
> I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to
> remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each of me brothers
> and one for me self."!
>
> The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman
> becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints
> and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other
> regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second
> round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
> offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a
> moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh no, everybody's just
> fine," He explains. "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I
> had to quit drinking.
>
> Hasn't affected me brothers a bit though."
An Irishman, an American and an Italian were in a bar in Australia, reminiscing about
their own bars at home. "Why back in the States" says the American, "in my local bar,
if you buy two drinks, they give you the third one free"
"Not bad" says the Italian, but in my bar back in Naples, "you buy one bottle of
wine, and they give you the next one free."
"That's not bad either", says the Irishman, "but back in Dublin, there's this bar
where they give you three free pints of Guiness and then they take you out back and
get you laid!"
"Jeez" says the American, "that's a great deal, did that happen to you?". "Not to me"
said the Irishman, "but it happened to me sister!"
How does the song go, "There may be trouble ahead"........
Thunder Ace.
news:<[email protected]>...
> An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in
> the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes
> them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
>
> The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know a pint goes flat after a draw on
> it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies,
> "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia and
> I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to
> remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each of me brothers
> and one for me self."!
>
> The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman
> becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints
> and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other
> regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second
> round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
> offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a
> moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh no, everybody's just
> fine," He explains. "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I
> had to quit drinking.
>
> Hasn't affected me brothers a bit though."
An Irishman, an American and an Italian were in a bar in Australia, reminiscing about
their own bars at home. "Why back in the States" says the American, "in my local bar,
if you buy two drinks, they give you the third one free"
"Not bad" says the Italian, but in my bar back in Naples, "you buy one bottle of
wine, and they give you the next one free."
"That's not bad either", says the Irishman, "but back in Dublin, there's this bar
where they give you three free pints of Guiness and then they take you out back and
get you laid!"
"Jeez" says the American, "that's a great deal, did that happen to you?". "Not to me"
said the Irishman, "but it happened to me sister!"
How does the song go, "There may be trouble ahead"........
Thunder Ace.
