Major wobble!

Old Jun 19th 2008, 8:20 am
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Default Major wobble!

Well, we collated our ITA yesterday put everything in the order they wanted and my fingers were shaking just thinking about submitting it, I bought a bottle of wine to celebrate another hurdle only to look across to my husband and his face said it all. After a heated conversation, it turns out that he is in two minds in going!!! WHAT he has a job offer and everything is done, this is not his first wobble, that took place when we submitted our EOI, he sorted himself out and admitted it was a panic attack.

I am at my wits end, my nerves and blood pressure are at an all high, he woke up this morning and said sorry and he is sure it will all be ok etc, he doesn't know what's going on in his head, he just scared of the unknown.

It doesn't make it any easier that my father died 2 weeks ago (very suddenly and he was only 66), my head is spinning - I know we can make this work, we have everything going for us, we are used to moving around the world (we are Military), but I think this is the problem, he has only ever none the British Army and now his time is up and is leaving his comfort zone, the only thing is we are going into the NZ Army, so not that much of a change. The thing is if we stay here he will go to afghanistan for 7 months (again) leaving 2 young children etc etc when we could have a better life doing the same thing but not quite so much pressure.

Sorry to have a whinge, but as I said my head is spinning, is anyone else going through these emotions??
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Old Jun 19th 2008, 8:22 am
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Default Re: Major wobble!

He has phoned me this morning and said he is posting he ITA today and he is sure it will be fine!
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Old Jun 19th 2008, 12:59 pm
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Default Re: Major wobble!

Originally Posted by teebrown View Post
He has phoned me this morning and said he is posting he ITA today and he is sure it will be fine!
Hi teebrown, Iknow what you must be going through! Although at the moment we dont know the outcome of our ITA decision, my hubby, although still keen to go, has started to bring things up about the impending move! Things like 'cost of living?' 'wages being lower', and are we doing the right things for our 2 boys? It's all something we had gone over before we took the plunge. Like you said it's nerves but like I told him if we dont do it know we will be forever thinking 'what if' Glad to hear he did post it. when I posted ours I thought my heart was going to implode it was beating so fast!!!
Anyway good luck with the ITA decision
Chris
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Old Jun 19th 2008, 1:03 pm
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Default Re: Major wobble!

I think I would be worried if no-one had a bit of a wobble now and again. It is a major move and needs to be seriously considered. I personally had no second thoughts but Tony (that's the pampered other half) and my youngest son James had second and third thoughts but still went through with it. My eldest son David was raring to go had no second thoughts but he's a bit homesick now this comes and goes. I have not so far been homesick, but have had a return holiday in mind since before arrival - going back for a wedding in March 09. I do miss some aspects but the relaxed lifestyle here suits me better. Arrived 1st Jan 2008.

Tony raised all the usual, drop in salary, house prices, food prices etc etc etc. All valid points. We had heard (can't remember source) that it takes 2 years to get back onto level footing. I feel it will be well worth it.

Come with an open mind and you should be fine.

Welcome aboard
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Old Jun 19th 2008, 1:37 pm
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Default Re: Major wobble!

Thank you for your kind words of wisdom, it makes sense when other people say it - and in a funny sort of way, it's nice to know other people going through the same thing.

Deep breath............
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Old Jun 19th 2008, 5:02 pm
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Default Re: Major wobble!

Hi teebrown

My OH is going in July and he is still saying is it the right thing, reduction in wages, food prices etcetc. I think these worries will be there even as you board the plane.

You have to go through every anniversary you have in your life eg your fathers death, birthdays etc and another year to settle down properly before you know it is truly right. The thing is, if you don't do it you will never know and possibly regret that you never did. Which is what i keep saying to my OH.

We are all leaving our comfort zones and that is part of the adventure as well as a fear.
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Old Jun 19th 2008, 9:28 pm
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Default Re: Major wobble!

I agree with the comments above... it is normal to feel apprehensive and in small doses I think it's even healthy. Personally I'm starting to get butterflies and we haven't even submitted our ITA yet.... but it makes you feel so alive, doesn't i!

Don't worry about it, it's only human to fear the unknown, but foxesecho has taken the words right out of my mouth, I always like quoting Mark Twain in cases like this:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Soooo true and so inspirational

All the best with the ITA, keep us posted!
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Old Jun 20th 2008, 9:56 am
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Default Re: Major wobble!

Hi Teebrown,

Again I agree with all the above comments. I'd be amazed if anyone didn't have the occasional fear that they are making a huge mistake.
I am going over to be with Mr Sue so it is an "easier" move for me in terms of accommodation etc, Loved NZ when I was over there and it did feel like home.
having said that I have the odd panic when I think about whether I will hate it, will me and him get on when we have to actually live in the same house, what if I don't find a job and so on.

It's perfectly normal given that emigrating is such a huge personal and financial outlay. Where are you off to?

Sue
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Old Jul 17th 2008, 4:25 pm
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Default Re: Major wobble!

Its good to know that everyone else has wobbles as well. I sometimes think we have too long to think about what it is we're doing rather than just being impulsive like we usually are. We have to wait two years for our son to finish university and our daughter to finish her A levels, so there is no way we can come to NZ any earlier. I'm now worrying about the house not being worth as much(we live on Isle of Man and seem to be avoiding alot of the UK housing problems at the moment). The cost of living also worries me when we move, we should hopefully have around £100,000 to take with us but will only be living on husbands wages when we first get out there, is 3500nzd a month enough to live on with a rental property costing us around 400nzd a week?
I think we just need to move out there and enjoy the new living instead of worrying about it!!!
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Old Jul 17th 2008, 11:52 pm
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Default Re: Major wobble!

Many people have the wobbles. I had one heck of a major wobble the few nights before I was due to fly out. I was totally in bits. Eyes like gobstoppers. Head in a mess. Thoughts of just not getting on the plane. Felt like I was going into complete exile to the back end of beyond.

My husband and my two beloved cats had already been in NZ the previous two months, the container was on the high seas & I had been sleeping on a friends floor. You'd have thought I would have been eager for the off. I wasn't.

Given that you are moving from everything familiar and your closest family and friends , it would be a hard person indeed not to feel a few wobbles. I still am not quite sure how I did this to my old Dad.

Four years on now and we are still here in NZ.

It's OK to have the wobbles and it's OK to come on here and have a groan and a moan whether you are the wobbler or the partner of the wobbling one. . It may help at what is, after all, a very stressful time.
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Old Jul 18th 2008, 8:26 am
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Default Re: Major wobble!

Thanks Bev you speak wise words and it's nice to hear you are still in NZ after 4 years.

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Old Jul 18th 2008, 9:37 am
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Default Re: Major wobble!

When we had the 'wobbles' ( which was often!!), we would remind ourselves of why we made the decision to come to NZ in the first place. Just talking about that usually meant that we knew nothing had changed since that initial decision and we were doing the right thing.

If that fails, chocolate, curry and alcohol usually do the trick, although not necessarily in that order
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Old Jul 18th 2008, 9:49 am
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Default Re: Major wobble!

Nearly nurse and I fly out on the 30th July and I am wobbling all over the place. As Bev says, you would need to be a hard person not to think about the family you leave behind, especially if you have been close to them. Our goodbyes started last weekend and although it was a great weekend in Geordieland, it was a sad ending saying goodbye, especially to my old Grandma whom I will probably never see again. I think its hard not to get the wobbles, given the emotional rollercoaster ride that you get when emigrating. Its hard sometimes to focus on our new life when we are still dealing with our old one. Never mind, 12 days and I'll have lots of new wobbles to worry about
I wish you all the best.
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