Siouxie

A friends former husband had witnessed his Father being emotionally and verbally abusive towards his Mother until he was 11 years old. Despite what his Mother thought, he wasn't too young to pick up on it, nor too young to believe that that is how women are supposed to be treated - nor too young to believe that it was acceptable and women deserved no better.

He treated 2 wives the same way.

He is now a lonely man.

Is that what you want for your son?

Get a grip and look at the big picture. Your son doesn't need to be exposed to that every day.

Sally Redux

How is the guy's mom getting in on the action as well?

As others have said, get away and let the dad figure out how to see his son.

Aviator

... adding to this. You have a choice and opportunity to act now in the best interest of yourself and your child. Your husband is putting it all on you from what you say. Doing nothing, you put it all on you. Only you know your situation and what it the right thing to do, an Internet forum is not really going to be able to advise you, nor should you base your actions on what a load of strangers say, who don't not know or fully understand the situation. A parents action or inaction can mold a child's future.

DandNHill

Also, I'm confused... You're going through spousal sponsorship which in itself isn't healthy if he's abusive. BUT you have a boyfriend? How does that work with immigration? Wouldn't they have an issue if they found out?

I left my ex because he was mentally cruel (can't quite bring myself to say abusive but maybe I should). It took me a long time to rediscover my self-worth...
I live here with my kids and the ex is in the UK... If he wanted a relationship with his sons he still could. In my case I often wondered whether he kept in contact with them to get at me...could that be the real reason your ex is still around? My boys keep being let down by him, don't let that happen to your little boy.

orly

Pretty much this.

SchnookoLoly

General +1 to everything in this thread. Your son will catch on to what's going on, and when he gets older he will either treat women the same way as he sees his father treat his mother, or he will be old enough to realise that Dad's a jerk and that's not how decent humans should act.

Pull the sponsorships and get your son away from this man.

moneypenny20

Excuse me for wandering in from overseas but the above points scream out at me. To begin with your son would not have been devastated constantly by his father being gone, he would have picked up on whatever guilt or emotion you were feeling, he's too young to be devastated by anything.

Secondly, they are not best friends, they are father and son and a few of the main things a father does for his son is teach him to be a decent, honest and loving human being. By allowing your husband to abuse you, you and your husband are teaching your son that the above ideals are wrong. You're doing both you and your son a complete disservice and your MiL is also encouraging that behaviour. You need to rethink what you believe your son needs in order to grow up to be someone you love and can be proud of.

I'm really sorry you're in the position you are but enabling your husband to continue his abuse at both emotional and financial cost to you is not the way to go.

theotherlebowski

my 2 cents: you can put up with the abuse for sure, you're an adult and you're aware of what's going on but the child is caught in the middle of the two people who are supposed to be providing the basis for it's understanding of the world and you're teaching them that it's ok to let people treat you like shit.

this guy sounds like a dick. he may be a great dad but he's a pisspoor excuse for a man. withdraw your sponsorship and cut him loose. yes there'll be tears and for the longest time your kid will be heartbroken and it will make you feel so bad to see them hurting but just think about this: you're no use to your child if you let someone grind you to dust.

Aviator

anonymous88

Just an update, my ex decided he "couldn't put up with me anymore and he had to go back to England" So... he's gone.. for the best really.

Thanks for all the replies.

Sally Redux

Good luck for the future.

Siouxie

Zoe Bell

You still need legal assistance to deal with any custody issues.
I'm glad you are in a better place.
But please protect yourself from future issues.

Shirtback

Delighted to hear this. But:

^^^^ Yep. Time to be proactive & get this (custody) sorted.

Good luck & for you & your son.

S