onetwo

Hello everyone,

I am after some advice. I moved near to quimper in July with my French husband and 3 small boys (4yrs, 2 1/2, and 6months).

The two eldest obviously started at MS and PS today. They little one was ok until he saw his brother making lots of fuss and that was it, both off.
I understand some french and lack confidence in speaking, get all flustered and nervous. The boys understand a lot more than I do I think as hubby has spoken French to them from birth but they speak very little.
Basically, I am finding it hard at the moment. I know I should have learned it before but with the kids the ages they are and me being a SAHM with a teacher husband who wouldn't teach me(!!!) I simply found it hard to fit in any time for it.
Leaving the boys upset in a place where they wouldn't be understood is heartbreaking. Did anyone else experience the same? How long would you expect them to settle? Feeling fragile myself is probably escalating my emotional state over this I know but looking for some reassurance I suppose that it wont last forever!
Any tips or positive stories very welcome.

Thank you for reading. oops, typo, obv MS not MSl!!

Jazzy n Lol

I feel for you onetwo, have a hug I haven't experienced what you are going through here in France, but certainly had it when my 3 started at their various schools in the UK. Don't worry about the language barrier on their behalf, the staff will be considerate and will watch out for them, and the other kids don't care - playing games is a universal thing and requires no one language. They will be happy and settled in no time, you must not dwell on it and get on with the things you've been looking forward to. Anpe offer french lessons, so get over to Assedic and register, alternatively find a private tutor - preferably young, male and sexy, then maybe your husband will have a sudden change of mind and want to teach you himself!

Go and have a nice day, and you're not allowed to worry about the smalls, by morning breaktime they will be having a great time. I reckon within a month, if your hubby encourages french talk in the home, they will be chattering away happily in French, and you will pick it up by osmosis! The younger the children are, the quicker they learn.

Good luck, and let us know how they got on

L'Acajou

Hi there

Yes, I remember it well, my children were 7,5,3 and 18mths when we arrived, they only knew merci, bonjour and au revoir. I probably wasn't much better and my hubby was at the same level as the kids

The teachers said the three eldest, who went straight into school, just sat and listened, didn't say much for the first month, then suddenly spoke French like the others. Sounds like your children will have a better start as they are used to hearing French spoken. Our youngest was almost 3 when he started school, he was used to the others speaking French but didn't really speak it himself. Again, after a short time of being quiet and taking it all in, he speaks like a native, in fact I would say his French is better than his English, or maybe that is just my perception!

I can't tell you how guilty I felt, talk about in at the deep end! It was my only concern about moving here and, it is true, after a month the children were chattering away with their friends.

My eldest has just started college today, so that is another set of traumas!!!

They will come home this afternoon all excited and you will wonder what you were so worried about

Sue

onetwo

Hi guys,
Many thanks for your words of encouragement. They have both had a better time than I had expected. We live on the doorstep of the school so have opted for home lunches and only mornings for the 2 1/2 yr old.
Teacher said the 2 1/2 yr old stopped crying and was ok then when he went outside to play and saw his brother he cried at the sheer joy of seeing him suppose. Was ok again and then when waiting in the garderie to be collected with his brother he was sobbing as transferral to a new 'face' from his teacher (which he tells me he really likes!) was a bit daunting maybe.
Anyway, happily chatted about their morning with enthusiasm so very positive.
4 year old has gone back with Papa moaning but not crying so am very pleased for them and so proud too.
Also, 2 1/2 yr old has only been potty training for 3 weeks and he was dry! Another shock.

They are so resilient, far more than me, that's for sure. Need to ask them for advice now!!!!

A breather tomorrow and then fingers crossed for thursday, will keep you posted.
Thanks again.

val50

You poor thing, just don't be so hard on yourself. All of us who are mom's have been through the same thing but really feel for you at the moment. Our middle daughter rung us out when she started at primary school. Used to take me and my OH just to get her through the gates of the school every morning. She'd be crying and screaming before we got out of the car, holding onto the gates so we couldn't get through them. I felt like I was the most terrible mother on this planet. After a week or so of this the head teacher called us into her office. She told us to watch our daughter (as she'd been doing every day this was going on). The little madame went to the gate to check we'd gone, then ran off to play with her friends, laughing and happy as anything Needless to say things changed after that and we never looked back.
Great news about the potty training too.
It will get better, and give it time, your french will improve and you will look back fondly at this time in your life. You will probably wonder how you coped, but you will and get so much out of it. I think it's amazing what you've done so far, much more than many others could do, so whilst we're having a group hug, give yourself a big pat on the back too

G-J-B

I understand your anxiety, but they are young and will soak it up like sponges. You'll have to get practicing yourself, so you can keep up with them!

onetwo

Hi again to all,

How my day has improved! The boys have amazed me today. They are capable of more than I give them credit for. When the 4yr old returned for the afternoon he had a "super" time according to the teacher. He is a real chatterbox, will tell you his life story. Well, he did just that! All in English, to the teacher and the children. He learned a line from a nursery song and came home with a picture that a girl had made for him and appears to have loved it. I am trying not to get too confident for thursday as it could be like the beginning again for them having the day's break but I know I will be stronger for them and a bit more helpful!

I can start to focus on our goal for coming to France again now. I know it is the best for our family to be here, especially the boys, it is just that the process is hard (as expected) at the beginning,trying to settle them and me is a challenge with the language barrier. Plenty of people do this and are happier for it in the long run. I'm just a chicken!!! Lived in the same place all my life (am 31) with a large support network of family and friends.
Feel like I am in a desert!!!!!!!

Am sure this is just normal and have to ride it out.
Thanks to all who have taken the time to reply, and so promptly too. This is a very supportive forum, I have a feeling I will be a regular!!

Jazzy n Lol

So pleased it all turned out so well

We've had some ups and downs with our daughter over the 2 years she's been at the local college, but today, 1st day back, she was so happy to be returning and when I hear her chattering to her friends on the phone, like a native, I smile like a cheshire cat!

It's early days, but a good tip is to really get involved with the school, volunteer for everything! They always need helpers for trips and school plays, and your language will not be a barrier - they love the chance to practice their English and you get more time immersed in French.

Chin up on thursday

onetwo

Thanks again Jazzynlol.

Thats great advice, I will definitely do all I can to volunteer for stuff. Bit restricted with having the baby maybe but am sure we can work around it.

We must start to film the boys a lot, you're right, the day they chatter away in French is going to be strange and wonderful altogether and they wont remember only speaking English when they were young. It is an amazing adventure moving to another country with kids in tow, am starting to gain my positive attitude again. It was there before!

Your story Val50 is a giggle to read though I can obviously imagine it wasn't at the time. They have us wrapped around their little fingers don't they?!
Cheers for your positive thoughts, much appreciated.

L'Acajou

Wow! I thought I had enough kids close together to embark on this journey with! Well done you. Obv worried about nothing today. How did your eldest get on? Hope the story was the same for you............

Cheers guys,
Will post Thursday with positive news I hope

G-J-B

Glad to hear the happy ending. I came to France at 31, but that was only a few months ago! I have no regrets so far, only that if I had known I was moving here I would have tried to learn the language far sooner!
I've lived in 6 counties in the UK, so don't really know what it's like to be settled, and apart from the folks and siblings never had a close knit family connection or many friends. Oh, and no kids yet, so really my move had no traumas. I can understand your dilemmas though, but as you say, you have to look upon it as an adventure - how many people dream and talk about moving overseas?! Very few go through with it, and fewer still stick with it. Give it time and you'll feel very settled and it will be impossible to pull your kids away from France again, as this will be home for both you and them.

onetwo

Hi all,

An amazing day for my 4 year old. He couldn't wait to go, was pushing his Papa out of the door while he was chatting to the teacher, 'please go Papa!!!!' He just wanted to get on with his morning!! He was apparently the centre of attention teaching the children to count to 10 in English and sang Happy Birthday too as it was a girls birthday today so he sang them the English version! I can't believe it. You can see he is nervous but he seems to see this as a challenge, and one that he wants to win!!No tears all day we are told so no worries about him for now.

The 2 1/2 yr old is a different story. He was keen to go, as he wants to copy his brother and fine going in. Then it hit him and he wanted me to take him home. The teacher took him and held him, I waited for a bit outside and peeked to see and he was not crying just cuddling his 'taggie' and looking sad so I thought this was good progress from Tuesday. Well, when I collected them both his teacher said he had cried lots and lots all morning poor babe. He burst into tears when seeing his brother in the playground and they had a cuddle (that bit does make it easier on the guilt front) and he then cried when waiting for me to collect him. He has become very clingy to me since starting too. Needs to be on my lap almost to eat dinner! Is a very independent little man otherwise. Is obviously going to take him longer but with the 4 yr old so upbeat am hoping that will swing it for him soon and he will follow suit.

All in all a good day, he didn't say he doesn't want to go again.............!

DandM

I'm also in a similar situation though with only one child starting school. We moved out here in June and he's 4 in Dec. My other boy is only 1. He can't speak any french so i was really nervous for him, he cried and cried when we got to school him and when i left him there i turned into a human water fountain!! and was on and off crying all morning until i picked him up at lunchtime. But he had so much to say for himself and seemed to enjoy it last week that i'm putting him in for the whole day this week. In the morning he says he doesn't want to go and doesn't like it but i see him playing in the playground and he's loving it. It is harder for us as mums to let go i think! And i know he needs more than being with me all the time, he needs his own mates.. This parent business is tough as I worry about how these big changes and decisions could effect them, their confidence and their personality.. Lets see how he gets on at his first long day..

L'Acajou

Hi all, esp onetwo...

The children just seem to get into the swing of things from the rentrée, then they are on holiday again rather too quickly, in October for two weeks... still, as you can imagine there is a huge difference for me when they are in school and not .
My daughter was 12 yesterday but already displaying teenager traits, complaining that her baseball boots were not real Converse...then the boys chime in that they want some as well - I'd have to sell a few cows to satisfy their fashion whims!! She seems quite happy to be at college,(wearing her silver-sequinned faux-Converse!) because she had been put back a year when we arrived she will be one of the oldest in her class and has already made some new friends. She is pretty confident generally although there were a few tears on the first day as she was the only one from her school and everyone else seemed to already have friends.

The worst part for me was that hubby was away in the UK for the rentrée so I had the task of getting all four school- bags etc ready, make sure thay had everything and get them to school on time! And chase a few escapee cows in my spare time Of course my hubby thinks I sit around drinking tea all day....

Gotta go and put the kettle on...

Sue

Ka Ora!

Well if you what to keep the cows sell the children

3 years ago we got all the water works when our boy started, It did not help at the time as I was in Hospital so he was regularly peeled off the Oh at the school gates kicking and screaming. With time this vanished and now he loves school he has just started CP change of school loss of all his friends and it has not bothered him at all. But mid way through the first school there was a trend of complaining about a poorly stomach in an attempt to avoid the canteen. Bullying was the issue and a lot of other parents were suffing the same problem the school ignored the Bullying and seemed unbothered and never tried to stop it because the Mum and Dad were getting divorced.

onetwo

It is so good to hear all similar stories. I know I'm not but I felt like it was only happening to me and my kids last week. So selfish, I know!

They have come on leaps and bounds again. Settling easier than some of the French kids, which has made me realise that the language has nothing to do with it. Both teachers are really pleased with their progress and are amazed at the 4 yr olds sheer guts to mix and participate so fully. He is speaking some sentences now and loves his class, shoes on at the door ready to go, couldn't have been a better start for him. The 2 1/2 yr old had tears at the start today but only for a few minutes. He actually played today, has made 2 friends and is very pleased with himself that he has cracked it I think!! Feels like his big bro now, a big confidence boost for him. As you can imagine, I am so, so happy for them.

Happy kids, happy mum.