Moving to France with a sick child
 

Hi all, I'm Peter from Ireland, new to the forum. We had planned as a family to move to France (the lot) next July with our two young boys and our new arrival as of last week, our third boy.
We have just found out that our new little one has a heart condition and without specifics we're wondering if anyone else had experience of moving with a young sick baby? We are unsure whether to continue with the dream at this point however I wanted to ask and see if there any of you who have done something similar. Thanks in advance, Peter

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Hello Peter
Welcome to the forum.
Really sorry to hear of the little guy's problem.
I would suggest that you put your plans on hold until you fully understand the problems of his condition.
I would wait until you have a stable, manageable condition to cope with before moving.
Do you speak french well enough to discuss perhaps complex and very important information from doctors etc?
Do you have a job to go to that would get you into the french healthcare system?
Do you intend living close to medical facilities/hospital that deals with paediatric cardiology?
France is difficult as far as bureaucracy is concerned and dealing with each Government department can be challenging - even for the french.
Good luck

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

+1
Apart from the stress of your coping with settling in France and French bureaucracy, whatever your employment status will be, your older children would be separated from the rest of your family and friends who would otherwise be giving support. Even if you have a job lined up and are in the French healthcare System, and speak adequate French with Doctors, you the parents would still have a sick baby and two older children to care for on your own....
Good luck with your decision and All the Best for your baby! :)

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Sorry to hear about your situation.
French healthcare is good.
But moving to a different country is inevitably going to bring a certain degree of stress for you all. There's so much unfamiliar stuff to get your heads round, the first few months are a sharp learning curve and most people find that it's not until you've been here for at least a year that you start understanding how it all fits together and how everything works and you know what to expect next.
Another thing to consider is your support network. Do you have extended family and close friends in Ireland, do you have family and friends in France? if you leave behind your support network in Ireland, will it be replaced and if not how much will you miss it?

I guess that's pretty much what the other posters have said.

It's something you have to decide as a family, nobody can advise really, all we can say is, be realistic. You have two little 'uns, how confident and adaptable are they? A lot of kids can be quite needy at first, there can be tears while they get to grips with the challenges of their new environment. How much "quality time" do you and your partner have, will one or both of you be out at work all day or will you be able to share all the settling-in business, looking after the two boys and caring for / arranging care for the tiny one? If you can get through the settling-in stage without cursing the day you moved, it will get easier :-)

Bon courage with it all.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Congratulations on your new baby!

I have some relevant experiences here.
I was pregnant when I moved to France ( 5.5 months) and my baby was born prematurely and very, very sick. Upside was that she was immediately transferred to the local, brand new and excellent NICU and I'm sure that was the ONLY reason she survived. World class care. Downside was that my french was basic, I didn't understand everything that drs/nurses said. I cannot tell you how much that added to the stress. I had to trust that they were doing the right thing and I was pretty much numb/in shock anyway.

I've also worked with the special needs children at the same hospital a few years' later. The care is excellent. Truly excellent. However,llooking after a sick child with little/no family to help out and other children as well is really, really tough going. On you, your wife especially and also the other children. Don't underestimate how hard it will be.

I guess what I'm driving at, is that if you think the care will be better in France - and you should investigate the best hospital with the best team for your son - and your son is stable enough to move then it could be an option but I'm adding my voice to the others of at least waiting and seeing. I would put all decisions on hold and concentrate on your family.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

I second what is said above. Think it all out thoroughly before taking the plunge.

Info here:

info droits étrangers

https://www.service-public.fr/partic...vosdroits/N418

L'accueil des nouveaux arrivants en France - Onisep


Science Accueil - Une association locale pour accueillir les nouveaux arrivants, notamment les familles étrangères


If you can't understand what is detailed there, I would't take the risk of coming over.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

What a load of rubbish.

And that is coming from someone who moved her young family speaking no french, had a special needs kid and worked with them.

I know your intention was good but families with special needs kids move all the time, families with little french move all the time. You have no idea what the OP plans to do or how much support he will get or not from his work. From working experience, most doctors in a hospital environment, and certainly any specialists can all at least read English and understand spoken English. Since so much medical research is in English, a reasonably good level is a requirement for teaching hospitals in France.

OP,should you decide to move and need help, please do come back and ask. I still have some good contacts and would happily reach out for you. Any idea which part of France you would be moving to?

In the meantime, you have plenty to be thinking about and a fair bit of worry too.
My littlest has her birthday today - she is well into her teens and every year, I am so incredibly grateful that I have her.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Not a load of rubbish at all and yes, my intention was good - I wasn't only referring to medical support.
I wouldn't recommend that anyone should move to another country if they don't have a good grasp of the language, especially with a family (unless one is loaded or cushioned by a very solid organisation/company).

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

I actually agree with that. If you have a good job to go to in an organisation which is familiar with employing non-local-language speakers, it isn't a major problem, more a welcome challenge. We need more detail from the OP before jumping to opposite conclusions though.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

You could really soften your approach with people .........

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

I feel like we are squabbling but in my experience near Toulouse where there are many, many families employed by airbus and related companies, the ones that did not bother to learn to speak decent french were the ones supported by their companies. They did not need to go out of their little bubble. Then there were families like mine, that got some support but not a lot and had no choice but to get out there and get on with learning french and getting a job. Then there were others like my closest friends that got no support at all, whose spouses had to learn french pronto and so did they. I think attitude and aptitude is way more important than being cushioned either by money or work environment.

I do however agree that moving internationally is extremely stressful anyway and adding any kind of extra stress is probably something to be very careful about.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

We can but speculate, as the OP seems to have left the room, after posting the one post. It doesn't sound as though he has a job lined up in the Lot, since they are planning for next July....

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

I have a very good friend whose baby was born with a heart problem in italy. They had fabulous doctors and a great lifestyle but their baby could never fly, could not even manage going into the mountains. The stress was enormous even though they both spoke Italian - having to get family out there and not really managing a break from it all. They went home to Scotland when their son was about 4 and finally able to manage the journey by car.

Last figures I saw were that about 90% of couples with special needs kids end up divorced - it's so very, very hard on everyone.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Photive,
Here is a typical page of a commune giving advice for "les nouveaux arrivants" :
Démarches nouveaux arrivants - Mairie de la Motte (Côtes d'Armor en Bretagne) - Site officiel

Concerning medical issues contact the CPAM and the CAF of the region where you plan to settle.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

This is a good list of "things to do" - not all Communes give such advice on-line and newcomers would have to find the local addresses.
But since the OP has never responded, he must have taken our advice on-board and decided to wait before making a decision....

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

I actually think Purple Jim (startling forum name :eek:) gives good advise, and thought the adverse remark on his recent comment was unjust.
Obviously as Toulouse is now such a cosmopolitan city, today living there one doesn't need to speak French to get by in the everyday sense, and I'd say most of the personnel in restaurants and other shop assistants in general speak pretty good English. Ditto for professionals, doctors etc in the medical sector, but elsewhere is where it becomes more difficult. If one is hospitalised either in Toulouse or anywhere else in France, I'd wager that the persons actually tasked to looking after you on a general basis aide-soignantes etc - careworkers will not in 98% cases speak a word of English. And why should they? And it is this fact that is often overlooked by many expats who half expect that all their demands be understood, and when they are not, often get frustrated, followed by anger.
And those who have been fortunate enough to locate a French garage mechanic or plumber who speaks good English must be in the minority.
Family mums planning to move to France with a sick child should at least be made aware that, yes they will certainly survive, but it will be with a fair degree of extra heartache compared to uk, which for me was the underlining message that Purple Jim was trying to communicate.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Have I missed an episode? The OP said they were planning to move to the Lot, which isn't in the same League as Toulouse or other large city as far as pediatric heart specialists and English-speakers are concerned.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Judging by the services offered by CHU Cahors and alternatively Montauban Paediatric cardiology care would probably be at Rangueil in Toulouse which is first class and probably near the end of it's refurbishment. I know at least one of the Cardiology Dr's "University Professor-Hospital Practitioner" there speaks English.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

:thumbup:

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

I worked at Hopital des enfants Purpan in Toulouse. Which is consistently voted best children's hospital in France. I can't think of one doctor I worked with who couldn't speak English. As I said, it is a requirement of working in a teaching hospital. It is also the NICU that my daughter was taken to, the hospital had been open for ?3 months when she went there, it wasn't finished. Even so, all the staff spoke to me in french and not english. Later, when I asked, they said they thought my french was good enough and I seemed to be understanding them! After that, when I had anglophone patients, I advised all the parents to request that the staff speak to them in English.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

If the OP is still around, he'll be persuaded that Toulouse is the best place for treatment for his baby.
But, wherever the family settles in the Lot, it would be a long trek for appointments and they'd have to organise help to look after the elder children while the parents are absent...

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

this is the situation for most families with special needs children. Even if you live right next to a CHU you've still got to go to appointments. you still have to organise everything else that a "normal" family has to do but on top you've got this extra responsibility. In Toulouse it was normal to have patients that travelled 100kms to see the doctors there and some that came from further afield too.

Financially though - I'm really not that familiar at all with Irish health care but I seem to remember friends saying that it's really expensive. At least in France the medical treatment is free for ALD and you can get some money for care assistance.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

PF, I have to agree that the Purpan hospital is and has been for many years one of the best general hospitals in France. The in-laws and many of their offspring have been treated there ever since I can remember.
For anyone thinking of moving to the Lot, Purpan would indeed be the choice for a child requiring very specialized care.
Talking strictly of THE best childrens hospital in France, agreed Toulouse may come close, but the palmarès would definitely go to Hopital Neckar in Paris, and this has consistantly been the case for many years. And if my memory is correct there are another 2 pediatric hospitals of major importance in the Paris area, with imho Purpan coming close behind in probable 3rd or 4th place. I don't immediately have a source for this info, but I'm pretty certain that a web search would confirm it.
It's a great pity that we haven't heard back from the OP, but understandably he and the family have other urgent priorities.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

The OP hasn't been back on BE since he first posted so he hasn't read any of the replies yet - I wonder if he has forgotten that he even came on the site :confused:

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

True.
It may be that he has read all the replies, and has decided to shelve the family's plans.
It may also be that, as TP says, he has other urgent priorities...

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

That's only possible if he read them without logging in, which would be a little strange.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Aaaah, I've just discovered how you know this - for those not in the know, the person's "last activity" is mentioned in their Public Profile.
You live and learn.....

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

That's a puzzle because I wasn't responding to any of your posts. :ohmy:

I said only that it needn't be (isn't) stressful at all if you have the type of job I described pre-arranged.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

I guess it depends on your personality but I would say "châpeau" to any family with kids who can move to a new country and settle into a new life with no stress at all, ie kids not feeling the least bit stressed at school, parents never feeling the least bit stressed getting the home sorted out, all the utilities contracts and suppliers in place, bank account sorted, home insurance sorted, CAF sorted, health insurance for the family sorted, cars sorted, and all this in an unfamiliar language. I only moved myself and I brought my work with me and the language was familiar so it was probaby about as easy as it could be, and I still managed to get quite stressed on occasion.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

As I said earlier, yer gotta be loaded or well supported by a major company.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

I agree that it depends on personality (even within the parameters I set out... a prearranged job in an organisation used to dealing with non-local language speakers).

When we moved from Canada to Germany in 1986, none of us (a family of four) spoke German. The kids were 2 and 4 at the time and ably exemplified the language sponge nature of kids brains. No problem.

The Institute arranged a furnished rental house with a nice garden, walking distance from my work, within a week of our arrival.

Banking, health stuff, buying a car were also facilitated.

No stress, just an adventure. We stayed 8 years and were all fluent within 2.

Your milage may vary.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Wow... I am truly sorry to all of you who have replied and genuinely appreciate the time and effort that you have taken. So sorry I haven't checked in..
My wife and I are staying in Dublin at the moment awaiting heart surgery for our little one which is scheduled for tomorrow. All being well this will be a total fix for him although he will need regular appointments to monitor the fix. We have been informed by the surgeons that there is a 99% success rate. I have only begun to read all the info and I didn't even realise that there were so many responses, just purely chance that I checked it.
We haven't ruled out the move to France for this July, we are still hoping for the Lot, but this week will most likely be the decider for us. We will certainly be looking for the right hospitals for the continued monitoring of our son, well insured before we do so.
I will check back in this week to update. My wife and I have a very positive attitude towards this. We will be financially ok for the first few months (I have a number of employment possibilities that have begun to line up). Again, a heartfelt thanks to you all for your input, really sorry I haven't checked in..
Peter

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Hi, we'll all be rooting for you today!:fingerscrossed:
But I'm still thinking of your other children, as per #3. They must be staying with family or friends while you're away from home? You'd have to set up a similar, trustworthy support network in France for future monitorings, even if, as pf said, you live right next door to the hospital and not in the next Département....
You must, in any case, take out private health insurance from Day 1 for you all, if you aren't coming with a job lined up, in order to comply with one of the conditions for residence and possibly PUMA after 3 months. Check that "well insured" doesn't involve sending all the (paid) hospital/pharmacy bills to the insurance company for reimbursement. i.e., if the hospital/pharmacy doesn't accept it as "tiers payant", you'd pay upfront and be reimbursed afterwards...
With 3 children to cater for, I don't believe savings for the "first few months" would be reasonable, unless you've got a job to come to. You haven't mentioned your line of work, nor whether you speak French adequately, but the Lot must have the same high unemployment rate as everywhere else, and you risk spending several months getting a job.
Sorry to harp on these subjects, but fore-warned is fore-armed and your children's welfare should take priority in your dreams....
All the Best!:)

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Good luck for the surgery.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Just a little update, the surgery was postponed until tomorrow due to a wee baby needing emergency surgery so we're just waiting to see what tomorrow brings for now.

Thank you all for your comments which I have now finally had a chance to read.

Couple of things to add in response to some of your input. Aside from all that the family situation may lead to...

My french is getting much better (Skype conversations with two french people that I have befriended a couple of times per week are helping greatly with this).

My day job at home is a Biology teacher however there are a few other things that I do freelance. I work as a graphic designer and web designer (taking a couple of clients with me which won't be enough to survive on however will pay a few bills). I also have a great deal of experience in wedding photography and have completed my french wedding photography website photivemariages.eu (not sure if this is ok to put the link in?? i'll remove if necessary) and reached out to a lot of venues and planners which is beginning to bear some fruit.
I also have TEFL.
Teach Piano and Guitar (Trinity College qualified)
and basically am willing to do whatever work I can to pay the bills. Labouring, seasonal work fruit picking etc etc.
I understand that this will completely terrify a number of the persons who have commented but nothing ventured nothing gained :)

We will certainly look into the insurance and how that will work for us, thank you @dmu for mentioning that.

We are selling our house so have more than a few months sorted if necessary however would rather use this to eventually buy a house outright so will be trying to avoid dipping into that pot if it's at all possible.

The comments about the support networks are incredibly useful and something that I guess we need to discuss. Currently we travel 4 hours to the specialist hospital and thankfully our families are able to care for our older Children, there are many if's and but's for the next two weeks for us.

@petitefrancaise it was incredibly kind of you to share your experience. Knowing that the care is excellent is very reassuring, but I can see how your situation must have been incredibly stressful at the time. I'm delighted to hear that she is a teenager now and that it all worked out for you. For us after our little ones surgery, without complications, he will be completely 'fixed' for lack of a better word. He will need, after this June, a yearly checkup all being well. Obviously if there are complications the move will be completely reconsidered probably put off for the foreseeable future. Our plan is to move to the Lot and it would be great to connect with you!

@purple Jim, I had a read at the site of the Mairie de la Motte, very good, we have a house lined up to rent so I will need to check out the commune that it is in and see if they have similar info. I will also have a good read at the other info links that you have supplied. Thanks for that. I'm going to look into the CAF and CPAM and try to make contact with them, you are a real wealth of info on this so I may be annoying you at a later stage on some of these!!

@Eurotrash that made me smile, we are being as realistic as possible and know full well that this will be crazy stressful without the added stress of our little one being potentially ill.

Even if we only stay in France for a very short period of time then at least we will have given it a go. Again thank you for your input and guidance. I will let you know how we proceed either way.

Talk soon,
Peter

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Thanks for all your info!
- Sorry to hear that you've got to wait another 24 hours. Courage!

- I for one am duly terrified!;)

- It's often recommend not to burn your boats by selling up - if things do go pear-shaped, you won't have a safety net back home....

Good luck for your baby!:)

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Yes, hope everything goes well Photive. Get back to us if you need more advice.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Photive,
Just a note to say I am thinking about you and hope all went well with your baby's op.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

The operation was a complete success and our little one is home and all now, still can't believe it. The Consultant has given us the great news that we will be able to go ahead with the move and has links with a Children's Cardiac consultant in Bordeaux to hand over his yearly checkups. Thank you for your kind words. Will be in touch with loads of practical questions most likely now.

Re: Moving to France with a sick child
 

Glad to hear that it all went smoothly Photive! Good luck with the déménagement.