Hi all,

I live in (ok, just next to) Lille, chez les Ch'tis, and my other half is seriously ill with a metastatic kidney cancer (just about the worst kind of cancer to have, it is mostly resistant to radiation therapy and classic chemo, and the nature of it makes it inoperable for her, bah). There are treatments, but most of them are postponing rather than curative, so we've been starting to look at funeral arrangements.

Many many years ago, I read _The American Way of Death_, all about the (American, duh) funeral industry. The author basically had nothing good to say about the industry's level of ethics and willingness to be self-serving in the face of the customer's grief, and I've seen nothing anywhere that would suggest that this is a uniquely American problem. I spoke briefly a few days ago with a representative of one firm, and I'm a little concerned that they will be trying to extract the maximum amount of money they can from me.

My wife doesn't want much of a fuss made, and is keen for the cost to be reduced as much as possible. Does anyone have any advice on what to tell them, what to refuse, what to ask for, and so on, and what paperwork is likely to fall on my head, so to speak, once the evil day comes? She would prefer to be cremated - is it necessary that we write a formal document about that, or will it suffice that I tell them that?

EDIT: Thanks for any advice you can offer.

(Worth noting: while she'd prefer for it to happen at home, it may well be the case that she'll be in hospital, and the hospital in question is the Centre Oscar Lambret, a top-flight cancer treatment centre in Lille's CHRU that is NOT in the same commune as our home. I've read that this causes complications, but equally - from both our Mairie and from the chap at the funeral place - that it is the funeral director's responsibility to take care of the paperwork.)

So sorry to hear about your tragic situation.
While I've been involved in the aftermath of death (Succession...), I've never had to deal with a funeral. A neighbour died in hospital, 40 km away, and as far as I know, there were no complications with the "low-cost" nationwide Rocleclerc. If death occurs in hospital, the funeral people do all the necessary paperwork, which means one less worry for the surviving partner.
Another forum member who has been involved with a family funeral will come along to advise. I can just add "Bon Courage" to you at this difficult time.
P.S. I don't know how to do links to earlier threads, but if you do a forum search for "Death in France 2" by Tweedpipe, you'll find all the necessary steps to be taken vis à vis French Administrations, Insurance, etc... It's advisable to ask the Mairie for enough Death Certificates to officially inform all people concerned. This won't be done by the undertakers....

Sorry to hear about the OP's issues the thread in question that DMU is referring to is this one......

http://britishexpats.com/forum/franc...ce-2-a-778098/








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Firstly, my thoughts are with you for what must be a very difficult time.

Here are a few comments further to my post #10 in the link that Chatter Static gave:-

In dealing with somewhat similar circumstances, we were amazed at how competent and understanding the Pompe Funebre were.
I can understand your concern about an establishment trying to extract the maximum amount of money they can. The Supermarket giant LeClerc set up a Pompe Funebre franchise, I understand to cater for the public who were concerned in ways similar to your own.
Regarding the question of traditional burial or cremation, this is the first question that an establishment will ask, and I'm pretty certain that the word of a family member - especially next-of-kin will suffice, without additional written consent.
We were met by the manager, who in his small office, showed us several brochures of the different services 'formule' they offered. In order of increasing prices, these were something like, Initial/Signature/Elegance, and the inclusive prices were clearly indicated on the documents provided. These can be seen under the heading 'Services & Produits' in this link.
We were also surprised that they arranged everything from A-Z, so they really do cater for families in a state of shock who often cannot think straight after the loss of a loved one. Suggestions from placing an announcement in the regional newspaper, to arranging Notaire services were all part of the services offered for a small supplement.

Here are another few links which could be useful to you.
Localisez les pompes funèbres Pascal Leclerc la plus proche de chez vous
Devis de pompes funèbres gratuits en 4h

I wish you a very special Bon Courage in the months ahead.
TP

A little surfing following my previous post, threw up this surprising review by 'Que Choisir', who you probably already know is one of the 2 main French consumer magazines.

You may wish to cut & paste the text from the above link into Google Translation (or similar site).
I was certainly somewhat surprised by their findings.
As a brief summary, a survey was carried out amongst nearly 1000 funeral stores, requesting a quotation for organizing a funeral. In the majority of cases the 'surveyor' was well received. A fairly high percentage of professional networks and also private funeral stores however, refused to give a personalized estimate. And for those that did agree (821/1000), in 97% of the cases it did not conform to legislation drawn up in 2010. The prices ranged from €1300 to €6100, with an average cost estimate of €3098. Some funeral operators clearly knew how to benefit financially.
The few quotes collected in the survey for cremation, showed that this type of funeral can be more expensive than burial. In particular the additional services offered in addition to the actual cremation (from 500 to 700 in many cases). So it's not surprising that as some 30% of funerals give rise to cremation, the funeral stores are wishing to benefit from this with hidden extras.
Note that the survey was carried out in 2011, and it is possible that since then, some establishments have attempted to get their act together. Many I'm sure however, have not.
The best advise I can offer is to try and involve a kindly French-speaking neighbour for some added assistance, especially one who has some knowledge (or knows someone else) who has been down these painful administrative paths.
When the time comes, I'd be inclined to start with this link that I gave earlier.

I've just asked my OH to have a read here to see if I've forgotten anything.
She reminds me that it was the 'Municipal' Pompe Funebre who were tasked in our particular experience, and she believes that by using them - and by their affiliation to the Mairie, the chances may be better that the estimate, services etc conform to national legislation.
Be aware that in France there is strict legislation regarding the disposal of crematory ashes. This should be explained by the funeral store, but here are 2 related links:
Nouvelle législation funéraire : conservation et/ou dispersion des cendres
Crémation - Service-public.fr

It's now no longer possible to keep an urn on private property. The ashes are most commonly dispersed in a specially designed area 'memorial garden' of the cemetery. The official term for this is 'Jardin du Souvenir'.
Assuming there is no family tomb already in existence, the funeral store will contact La Mairie on your behalf to organise the official allocation of a Memorial Garden. This is generally not covered by the normal cremation estimation costs.
Where there is a family tomb, an average charge of approx 250€ could be expected for additional municipal services, to cover 2 workmen to unseal/reseal the family tomb after the dispersion of ashes.
Additional Municipal Taxes can also come as a shock, averaging €650 in many cases.

My neighbour mentioned above was cremated and had his ashes dispersed "en pleine nature" on his piece of land, but only after authorisation from the Mairie. A form had to be filled in to that effect, the "Executor" undertaking not to allow the ashes to contact public property.
Very grim, but hope that all this is helpful to the OP....

We have the buried Mil in the garden it's a great conversation piece when you invite the neighbours round. They start to struggle when I ask them to go pour a glass of wine over her

Hi and welcome to the forum, though sorry for less than happy reasons.

We have had a leaflet from here:
The Connexion - The Newspaper for English-Speakers in France
for some time. "Just in case" and our family also have copies.

Bon courage to you both.

GrannyB, an excellent link!