rippedoffdaddy

After 8 years of a sensible balanced amiable relationship my ex partner has decided to take me to court.
This coincides with her meeting a new partner who is apparently paying large maintenance payments himself.
My ex is in France,I am in the Uk,apparently this is a job for the French courts.
I wonder if anyone has any suggestions for me,the costs of defending are horrific and my incoem has just suffered a huge knock during the credit crunch.
I am really saddenend about this as my son will not benefit from this situation,it has really put a strain on me and my wife.
Any advice anyone? Bar do a runner to South America?

Deedee13

ur not a ripped off daddy. There are rules and guidelines regarding child support payments. Whether ur son or not benefits is a strange statement to make. Ur son is in a safe environment cared for by ur ex. He will benefit by u paying what is the legal amount to pay because ur ex will be able to finance a little easier if she is entitled to more.

My dad paid 3 quid a week for us, he managed to buy a house, and support his new wife who didnt have to work. My mother worked her ass off to supply us with xmas pressies, school trips, winter coats that he obviously couldnt finance after paying 3 quid. I have a 16 year old daughter that has not seen a child support payment in maybe 10 years. I work my ass off to be able to support what the ass who helped father her doesnt think he is obviously responsible for.

So running off to South America.... How about standing up to the plate, and stop finding ways to scam your way out of getting away with support payments. If ur so bothered about it, how about you and ur wife (present) take him on for 24/7 and let ur ex pay u the minimum payments u think u should pay, and i bet u will soon see the strain it puts on u and wife.

Funny how u think its her new partners fault. However its probably been to ur advantage that she has been in ignorant bliss as to how much she is entitled to. Somebody came along and opened up her eyes.

Just to note, if ur income has taken a knock due to the credit crunch, take time out to think what its doing to her!! Single parent with a kid. Yours !!

dmu

Are you saying that you've never given your ex-partner child maintenance for your son? IMHO, she has every right to take you to Court.
It isn't clear whether her new partner is paying the "large maintenance payments" to herself or to his ex. In any case, prepare yourself to pay at least the arrears for your son, in or out of Court.
If no one else can come up with helpful comments, I'd advise consulting an English Solicitor with knowledge of French Law to see whether you can come to an amicable agreement with your ex's Avocat before it comes to going to Court.

cmread

I see that you have received very little sympathy which is too bad because the way fathers are treated by the courts in the UK is just horrible. I don't know about French courts, though.

What I do know is that you need to get legal advice now. Go to a solicitor that specialises in family law. Find a man if you can, as many female solicitors are feminists who won't help men to get a good deal in court. You may have to go to a solicitor who knows both legal systems or you may have to contact a notaire. I don't know how that works. I do know that there are cross-border agreements on child maintenance.

There are also support groups. Have a look at the newsgroup uk.gov.agency.csa; if you post a message there you may find someone who has been in this situation. There is a poster there, Fletcher, who seems to know his stuff. My guess is that he will tell you to give up work if you can and become a house husband. Put all your belongings in your new wife's name. Make it clear to your ex that she won't get anything from you unless she starts being reasonable.

By the way, did you ex have your permission to move to France with your child? If not, you might be able to make some mileage from that. Does she deny you contact? If you have any money, apply for custody. Make it clear to her that you will be obstructive if she doesn't play ball. It is very clear, you see, that the CSA - or whatever it is called now - only go after easy targets.

For those of you who are about to criticise me for 'advising a father of how to duck his responsibility', what about the mother's responsibility? She probably was the one who wanted the divorce. She is the one who wanted to keep the kid or kids with her. She is the one who, if she isn't working, decided not to work. Women can't call themselves equal when they want to play at having a career and then call themselves victims when they want money. Well, they can, but it has nothing to do with equality and everything to do with greed.

To the original poster, good luck with your fight. You will need it.

dmu

Just a detail, but this has nothing to do with Notaires. It's an Avocat (Barrister) who represents parties in a lawsuit in France.

Le Chant

My 'father' managed to avoid paying bugger all! But, I have every sympathy with 'rippedoffdaddy'. He says it was an amiable relationship for 8 years, so why the sudden change of heart? I think people should back off, and stop being so judgemental about something they have no knowledge of other than what they're told by the OP - which doesn't amount to much. Stick to the facts, and try and supply the answers to his questions, while wishing him bonne chance on an outcome that suits everyone!

jmh

The Judge would take into account your income, expenses, and other family commitments, i.e. if you have other children that you are supporting. If your income has been significantly reduced this will be taken into account. Also, should your circumstances change it can be revised at a later date. If her material circumstances change it can be revised as well. Unfortunately for you, as her new partner already has child maintenance responsibilities, his presence is unlikely to help you here.

If it makes you feel any better the money probably will improve your son's life. Kids are a huge financial drain, and unless she has a well paid job he is probably having to do without. Your contribution may well be the difference between a good education and a poor one. You will be helping him to have a better life and a secure future. You will be able to look your son in the eye and know you did the best you could for him even though it was tough at the time.

Ka Ora!

I would recommend getting a French Avocat which is the same as a Solicitor not Barrister, Child Maintenance can also be a very long drawn out affair here. Should you decide you need one I can place you in touch with with a good English Speaking one, Who defended me in some earlier issues You could possibly qualify for legal aid in France which does have a similar system to the UK where the government picks up the tab on all your legal cost's in court. Failing this you are going to have to find a UK Solicitor that specializes in either French or European Family Law which could be difficult and expensive. . French Courts can be very daunting and what judges say really is final, I have been all the way to the French Supreme Court in Paris so I got to know my way round it a little. At this stage sign nothing, Be wary of registered letters Speak to someone that knows and considering the Circumstances if she offers to you that you both use the same Avocat in France (This can be done for Divorce and Maintenance in France) DONT as if things break down further it will really hinder things.

Deedee13

for the karma..... or anti karma. I dont care if she is not single or not. Mothers have lives too. Child support is just that CHILD SUPPORT.... for the child not a romantic weekend for 2 for the lovers. It pains me to see fathers trying to make a runner from commitment...

rippedoffdaddy

First of all,what an absolute delight to receive such a cross section of advice,and many many thanks to each and every one of you for your opinions and comments.
I am absolutely sure that Dundee has some valid points re obligations of Dads to their children,what I wish to stress is that over the last 5 years,my ex has..
1 stayed with us in the uk
2 brought her last partner with her [who is now a very great friend]
3 paid for nothing the moment she hits UK shores [I even paid their flights and when they missed their flights one time I paid the new ones and put them up in a hotel]
4 received cash payments from me [as I 100% trusted her] for around £150 per month,even for 3 years when I was unemployed living alone in a council flat being treated for illness by social services [my retired Mum aged 71 paid her]

I even suggested offered to educate my son privately at one stage and also was going to bring her in on some property investments I had made.
So,I really feel that all was going fine,by the way she earns E 23000 per year and her partner around E35000.
My income as a Mortgage Broker has dropped to £5000 during the last 12 months so I have been living on that,some savings and WFTC.
My wife and I have just had our second child 2 months ago,so as you can imagine I am feeling very down about the whole situation.

Finally,to let you all know,the reason I left this girl was that I was Mentally Ill and clinically depressed after being poisoned by Lariam malaria tablets in 1995.Also,this was coupled with my absolute love of my dog,who,when she used to get abusive towards me,started to show aggression towards her,I was one of the first people ever to use the pet travel scheme and it saved my life.
On my return to the UK I managed to get treatment via social services and with the help of a community nurse I got back to work 3 years later.
[by the way,I walked the dog round the park next to my council flat 4490 times]
I believe that I have done things pretty reasonably. In 2007,I stayed with my son at her sisters flat in Paris,as her sister had 3 kids and was continually washing up,I bought her a dish washer as a present when I left,my ex said that I was one of the most generous people she had ever met.
I just feel now that she is FORCING her way to get even more money when she knows now that I have some assets[which of course I believe I will be sharing with ALL of my kids later in life.I have a number of properties now,soem with equity in some not

Maybe I should have explained this beforehand.

dmu

Maybe I should have explained this beforehand.[/QUOTE]

With all due respect, maybe you should've, it would have avoided a lot of wrong assumptions....
My original advice still holds: consult a UK solicitor with knowledge of French (Family) Law.

Le Chant

You shouldn't have needed to. This has nothing at all to do with anyone else, but you. I hope after that, that some of the jackals howl a little less! :curse:

Le Chant

Dmu - you didn't give any 'due respect' in the first place. All the guy wanted was answers to a question, not a lecture on his morals.

dmu

OK, I wrongly assumed that he hadn't paid any child maintenance to the child's mother (since he gave that impression), and I said that his ex had every right to take him to Court. I was being objective and not lecturing on any morals. And my due respect was intended to be polite after his explanations, and I'm sorry to all concerned if I gave the wrong impression.
I did give him a reasonable answer, which in fact is valid whatever the circumstances, and others gave the same advice.

jmh

He posted on a public forum, so he should be prepared for a varied response, especially if he doesn't give full details. It did look like he was asking how he could avoid his child maintenance responsibilities, and the response was predictable. The bitterness kids feel when a dad walks away from his responsibilities can last a lifetime. Not saying this is the case here, that is for a judge to decide. We obviously don't have her side of the story.