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Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Old Mar 22nd 2008, 4:28 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Everything says the same, you can appeal the decision but blah blah blah...I'm sick of this, it's like okay I'm trying to do the right thing, but it seems that no matter what I do Paul and I are screwed. I've read so many websites, they're all a big blur. Everything on them either reads like radio instructions and I have no idea what they're talking about. Or they talk about student visas, and what to do if those are rejected. I'm emailing people left and right. The UK's ministry of Justice, immigration, your PM's office for crying out loud...no one will help me. Everyone points me to different places, but no one in these offices will give me straight answers.
Take a deep breath.

Read this thread again, and highlight Meauxna's advice. She knows what she is talking about.

Have him come and visit you for a couple of weeks. See how things go. And take it from there.

And stop wasting time on forums here, there and everywhere. British expats is almost certainly the best for migrating to the US (see the Marriage based immigration board in the USA part of the forum, including the Wiki).

Uk-Yankee.com is the best for information and advice on bringing a spouse to the UK.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 4:33 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Thank you I will try there. I am concentrating on getting him here first. It's just I'm trying to find out about my going there as well. This is just so frustrating and unbelieveably gutwrenching.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 4:49 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
went to the UK on March 12, 2008 with the intention of meeting my boyfriend in person for the first time. he and I have been speaking to each other for just under one year. We met via Xbox and have since spoken on the phone as well as VOIP and Xbox, everyday since we'd met. I was going to the UK to find out if he and I were just as compatible in person, and if so I had hopes of staying and one day if still had the same feelings for each other over time, get married.
When I arrived to the UK, I was instructed that I must go through immigration. With passport in hand I preceded to the counter. The agent asked a variety of questions including, "How long do you intend on visiting the UK?" I wasn't very sure because what if my boyfriend and I didn't get along and I would need to go back right away. But I went ahead and said, "How long can I stay?" The agent then told me I would have to have a certain time. I then told her, "Two months". At the time I was asked how much cash I had and I told her that I had $600USD on hand, as well as $1500 in 401K (retirement), and $400 cash in the bank. Then, I was asked if I had a return ticket, and when I told the agent no, she asked why. I then told her, "Since I wasn't sure if we'd (my boyfriend and I) would get along then I am not sure." I was then instructed to sit down, instead of being let go through immigration.
About 25 minutes later I was taken into a room where I was videotaped, given a retinal scan, photographed, and fingerprinted. Before I go further let me say, I haven't been out of Alabama or even flown before. I had never done anything wrong other than getting a speeding ticket and a seat belt ticket about 7 years ago when I was 21. I've worked since I was 16 and have paid my taxes since I was that age. I worked in Human Resources/Accounts receivable for the past 3 years. I was late 1 time in my entire history there. I worked about 12 hours a week and made $430 salary each week. I felt like a criminal when I was trying to see my boyfriend. I was absolutely petrified.
After all of this was done I was taken to baggage claim. I was then instructed to take my luggage to a set of metal tables and it was gone through by another agent. My journal was then taken from me with various papers in it. I was taken back to a detention room and my luggage was put into a different room. I have high blood pressure and need to take my medicine twice daily and hadn't taken my second dose as of that time. My journal wasn't given back to me at that time. I was in this room for about an hour then I was taken by a supervisor and given 36 questions. I was asked about the time I wanted to stay, how much money I had, how I met my boyfriend, what he did for a living, what I did for a living, etc. At this time I still had no idea why I was being held. My boyfriend was outside in arrivals waiting on me.
Another hour or so later the agent who asked me the questions came back into the room and told me that I had been refused entry. I cried and begged to see my boyfriend for just a moment and she told me no. I was in detention for a total of about 22.5 hours and i was sent back to Alabama.
I realize now they may have thought I was trying to come there to work. I was under the belief that once you went to a country, found a job, then you'd apply for a visa. I thought it was like getting a work permit in the states. How can you apply for a work visa if you don't have a job yet is what I thought. I also thought that was the only reason that you would need to apply for a visa, was to get a job. My boyfriend receives incapacity benefits right now, so I can see why they thought like they did. But every time I tried to explain this to them, why I didn't hold a work permit visa, it's like no one would listen to me. Again, I was a first time traveller, I'd never flown, I was by myself, I was in a foreign country. I didn't know what to do or say. I didn't even know what to expect. I realize that I was foolish for not researching what I was doing. But it's too late for that now.
When my boyfriend called the agent she told him that I was refused entry into the UK, he said "The truth is I was going to marry her." He said that she said, "Oh really, well she needs a visa for that too." He told her that he said it out of desperation, but she wrote it in her report anyway. He and I had went through so much to be together already. He just wanted me to be able to stay.
Every time I think of what happened and what I went through I can't help but cry. My boyfriend and I love each other very much. I am incredibly upset because neither of us are sure as to what we're supposed to do. I am so scared that we won't be able to be together. I don't know what kind of visa I am supposed to apply for. I don't know if I can apply for one, if I should apply for one. I have no idea what to do. I am begging if you can help me, please help me. Thank you so much for any help that you can give me. I sincerely appreciate it.
I have no idea what to do. I am scared to death I won't be able to be with him. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's hard. My heart is broken. I am desperate for help. I've sent letters to everyone I can think of. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying, if anyone can help me, please I'm begging you for advice.
Why not just book an organised trip/holiday from the US to the UK. Not the ideal situation but at least you will be able to enter and at least get together for a while and maybe see if you are at least compatible.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 4:52 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

I don't think they'll let me in at this time, since I have been refused entry. I don't want to have to save up more money to lose it all again.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 6:17 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Everything says the same, you can appeal the decision but blah blah blah...I'm sick of this, it's like okay I'm trying to do the right thing, but it seems that no matter what I do Paul and I are screwed.
UK immigration lawyer. Both of you should start saving.

And I hope he's doing something on his end.... he's the UK citizen with better access to the information that YOU are seeking.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 6:26 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Everything says the same, you can appeal the decision but blah blah blah...I'm sick of this, it's like okay I'm trying to do the right thing, but it seems that no matter what I do Paul and I are screwed. I've read so many websites, they're all a big blur. Everything on them either reads like radio instructions and I have no idea what they're talking about. Or they talk about student visas, and what to do if those are rejected. I'm emailing people left and right. The UK's ministry of Justice, immigration, your PM's office for crying out loud...no one will help me. Everyone points me to different places, but no one in these offices will give me straight answers.
Let me ask you a question.Do you really just want to be with this guy or are your intentions more focused on moving to Europe? You are giving the impression that it is the ladder.Either way its not a bad thing.But if living in Europe is as important to you as being with this man then you should at your young age focus on education here at home so you can have the marketable skills that will interest employers in the UK to hire you.Right now because you tried to enter the UK with false intentions they have your name on a list that raises a flag that says deny entry.

27 years of age is very young you should be in school doing a degree program for nursing or some other degree that will increase your opportunities whether that be living in Europe or here at home.If this man really wants you let him come here and do some chasing after you.Moving to a foreign country with different customes and culture is no easy thing and made much harder when you don't have a money making skill or a serious bank account to live off .If I were you I would put more planning into this move.

Bring him to Alabama have a sexy old time with him go for long walks and do alot of talking really learn each other.If he really likes you he can come for a few visits, each two or three weeks at a time.If his money is limited then maybe you can help pay a third of his fare or maybe he can pay for his first trip here and you can help pay half for his second trip to see you.My 18 year old nephew's girl friend has done this.He has gone to texas to see her from florida about 4 times that he paid for and the last visit she paid for half his fare which is still cheaper than her having to fly to see him.He is the man let him act like the man.

I've lived in Alabama and I agree the dating scene there is not the best but if your goal is to seek a relationship else where you have to prepare your self for the possibilities that can occure.Like what if the relationship has a shelf life?Say you move to Europe and 8 or 15 months later you break up? That can happen!You might fall in love with living your life in the UK but if you don't have the high paying job to pay your expenses you will be forced to return back to the states. The UK is very expensive to live maybe 3 times more expensive than Alabama and if he is located in London you can adjust that to 5 times more expensive.Keep in mind Alabama is one of the least expensive places to live in America.

What ever you decide make plans to set up your goals and don't go some where counting on him to take care of you.Remember that you can not work there legally unless you have the proper visa .If you try to work illegally and get caught the UK government will not care how much you love him,they will deport you and they will refuse you entry for many many years.Then you will be right back where you started that is he will have to visit you in America.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 7:24 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

I understand you. I am in love with him not the idea of moving. I told him a few minutes ago that he has the ability to do better research considering he's over there. I told him that he will have to visit me because I don't think I'll be able to come over there anytime soon. He said if he moved he'd lose his house...since I'm staying with my brother right now, I understand why he'd not want to lose his place. But at the same time, I was risking everything to go there, I want to know he'd do the same...I'm very sad now. Because I know I love him so much and I really don't think I'd find someone like him anywhere else. We so much alike, but we fill each others weaknesses...I sound like a fool to you guys...I don't know what to do anymore.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 7:33 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
He said if he moved he'd lose his house.
How would he lose his house?

Is he living with his mum and she owns/rents the house?

Is he renting a house of his own? Is it a council house?

What you've described (and I admit I don't know the whole story) is that he has ties to the UK that he may not have fully disclosed. Has he been married before? Does he have children? Has he ever lived away from his mum? Does he really have a university degree? If so, from which university?

You seem like a real fighter who's willing to work hard for things, but to be honest, he does not.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 8:37 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by snowbunny View Post
How would he lose his house?

Is he living with his mum and she owns/rents the house?

Is he renting a house of his own? Is it a council house?

What you've described (and I admit I don't know the whole story) is that he has ties to the UK that he may not have fully disclosed. Has he been married before? Does he have children? Has he ever lived away from his mum? Does he really have a university degree? If so, from which university?

You seem like a real fighter who's willing to work hard for things, but to be honest, he does not.
I agree,he doesn't sound like a person who is willing to move heaven and earth to be with his internet woman.I'm a man and even I would require some sign from the person that they are truely interested in me.She has spent money to visit him in the UK went through the drama of being refused entry and is doing all she can to make their union happen.He needs to do the same or he would get dropped.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 8:40 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by YankeemovingAbroad View Post
He needs to do the same or he would get dropped.
If it were only that easy, many of the biggest mistakes of my life could have been avoided!
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 8:53 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
I don't think they'll let me in at this time, since I have been refused entry. I don't want to have to save up more money to lose it all again.
Please get your passport out and tell us exactly what was entered there by the UK immigration officer, or the codes on any paperwork you were given when you were refused.

Seriously m-jean, there are two things going on here:

One, figure out the social/love.reality part of it all.. that is one discussion.

Two, learn about your immigration options, working toward a solution. Know the facts and know what your options are. I went back to the 2nd post I made in this thread and started from the single link I posted there. I've already learned quite a bit about UK immigration law.

Don't wallow; take action.

edit to add: I also see that the wiki at uk-yankee (recommended 3X now) is quite informative on this topic.

Last edited by meauxna; Mar 22nd 2008 at 9:11 pm.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 9:15 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
I understand you. I am in love with him not the idea of moving. I told him a few minutes ago that he has the ability to do better research considering he's over there. I told him that he will have to visit me because I don't think I'll be able to come over there anytime soon. He said if he moved he'd lose his house...since I'm staying with my brother right now, I understand why he'd not want to lose his place. But at the same time, I was risking everything to go there, I want to know he'd do the same...I'm very sad now. Because I know I love him so much and I really don't think I'd find someone like him anywhere else. We so much alike, but we fill each others weaknesses...I sound like a fool to you guys...I don't know what to do anymore.
You are not asking him to move at this point.Right here at this moment you are asking that he come for a visit so you two can spend time together.You have made that effort why can't he?He should pay his own way to see you.If he doesn't agree to do that there is no real connection on his part.

I know a beautiful american woman who met a Brit while on vacation in miami.They immidiately felt a connection and spent all their time together.After being together for 4 weeks he went back to the UK for 6 months, after working for a while he returned to Miami to be with her. He quit his job as an accountant and even took out all the money from his retirement accounts.

They spent the next two months together but in the end because he didn't want to get married he had to return back to the UK.She did want to marry him,nothing new there women are usually more ready to marry than men.I know he really cared for her but sometime the timing is not right or the level of commitment is more than one person is ready for.You guys have not even met in person, who knows whether you two will connect well as a couple.At the very least he should try to take the lead and visited with you.If he doesn't how much of a priority are you to him?

He visits with you a few times and see how well you mesh and take it from there.To be honest with you it appears you are doing all the work.That is something you two should discuss.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 9:17 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by snowbunny View Post
If it were only that easy, many of the biggest mistakes of my life could have been avoided!
I know LOL.Emotions are tough and seldom do they require common sense or a clear view of a situation.
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Old Mar 23rd 2008, 2:03 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

I mentioned it to him a few minutes ago about it seeming to be me that does all of the work. He was very apologetic and said he didn't know what else to do other than save up his money so he could come over here for a bit.

As for the papers I was given, I'll write it verbatum:

To:Melissa
You haev asked for leave to enter the United Kingdom as a visitor for 60 days but I am not satisfied that you are genuinely seeking entry as a visitor for the limited period as stated by you. You have travelled to the United Kingdom to visitor your sponsor, Mr. *****, whom you have only communicated with via the internet and telephone thus far. You have travelled with only a single ticket and have given up your job in order to come to the United Kingdom and have limited funds with which to support yourself. Mr. ***** is unable to support you financially as he is currently receiving incapacity benefit. Mr. ***** has stated he intends to marry you in the United Kingdom within the next few monoths but you do not have a marriage visa for this purpose.

In light of the above I refuse you leave to enter the United Kingdom in accordance with paragraph 43or HC395.

I therefore refuse you leave the United Kingdom.

Checked box says: Your right of appeal is limited under section 88 and/or /* (as appropriate) because it was taken on the grounds that you/the person on whom you are dependant(checked box) do not have an entry clearance valid for the purpose for which your application was made.

The first paper I got saying why I was detained said:
(checked boxes)
2. b There is insufficient reliable information to decide on whether to grant you temporary admission and release.

Based on 6. You have failed to give satisfactory or reliable answers to an Immigration Officers enquires.

On the paper that gives directions to remove me it says:

If a decision is taken to cancel these directions/this notice of intention to remove, you will be notified immediately. If no directios have been given by 12 june 2008, the situation will be reviewed. If you contact this office you will be informed of the outcome, and any necessary further review can be arranged. Then it goes on to say that I have no prior entry clearance and that's why I was removed.

Below is a picture of the stamp I was given. Nothing else was written on the passport except for when I re-entered the US.
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Old Mar 23rd 2008, 3:06 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Mr. ***** is unable to support you financially as he is currently receiving incapacity benefit.
Ooookay.

How long has he been on the dole? When does he intend to go off? He will not be able to sponsor you so long as he's on benefits.

Do you know what the most common cause of pancreatitis is, short of having gallstones? Excessive alcohol use.

You know I have been in your shoes where I thought someone was Mr Perfect in every way. But after I'd made some serious commitments, he began to flake out. I was devastated, but in the long run I am well shot of him. It meant giving up on a lifelong dream, at least for now, because I've always wanted to live in England. On the up side, I learned a tremendous amount about the UK, its culture and history and geography. In a roundabout way, I got to meet one of my musical idols through all of this mess. Some good came out of it. I think in the end you too will grow and learn, whether or not you marry Mr XXXX. There are a lot of fine folk here to talk to, for example.

All the best,
Amy.
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