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Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Old Mar 20th 2008, 2:41 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Here is what I want. I want to be with him provided that we are just as compatible now as we have been. If we get along, one day possibly get married. I would like to live with him and I don't want to be some drain on society and would work. If I can't go there and live with him, he is prepared to move over here. I know it isn't just that easy. And I wish I would've thought first before I went. But I didn't. I'm worried now that even if I try to visit him, because of being refused entry before, they would not let me in even to visit. I would like to go there for about 3 weeks at least. The reason I am so irritated at immigration was because there was a guy from the US in there with me. He basically had the same problem as me. No visa, visiting girlfriend, no return ticket, etc. He was let in. I am not going to say who he was, but lets put it this way, he is famous. He is famous in the UK and in the US. The security people even said they knew who he was,asked if he was this person. Went he was put through, he even said something to me, he said he was sorry. I had no GBP all I had was USD and he gave me 5 quid to buy a phone card with. I mean, maybe I just told the truth and that's why I wasn't let in. I don't know. But I just tried so hard and was turned away. I know, I know I messed up. Another guy that was in there said 3 people he knew were in front of him and he knew that they had records, but they were still let in. I just don't understand. It doesn't matter now I guess. I just want to be with my b/f. I want to at least be able to visit. And since he said the marriage thing, I don't even know if they'd let me over there. I'm sorry to everyone on here, I just don't know what to do, where to start.
Hi

Have read your post and I just wanted to offer my support.It had to be very upsetting to finally be that near to the person you have built a bond with and waited so long to meet in person, only to be turned away because you were naive about proper visiting procedures.Here is the deal.Your problem is easily fixed.

Since you can't visit him in the UK at this moment and the two of you must spend time together in order to know how well you would fit as a couple,he must then visit with you in the States.He can simply come over for a three week visit. I think he is allowed to stay here up to three months before legally having to go back to the UK.

He can simply plan for a three week visit and extend it up to the max time allowed if you guys need to, with out changing his legal visitation status.I have a British buddy who did this very thing.Spend time together make sure what you have is real and if it is then take the big plung in 6 to 12 months and get married.

He can return back to the UK after his 3 week or 3 month visit(make sure he doesn't over stay pass the 3 months) then you guys can meet up in France or some other European country for a few months.All this can be done in a 6 or 12 month period and at the end of the day your feelings for one another should be clear.That is what I would do.That is the safe route.Other more bolder people might have him come over to the States for a 2 or 3 month visit spend time together and then get married.

More spontanous things have occured to people I'm sure.Some people have spent years together before getting married and the relationship later in time failed.Other couples have met like you and your young fellow later got married only after 5 to 12 months and stayed together for the rest of their lives.Its a crap shoot with no guarantees.What ever you decide I wish you all the best and don't be too bothered by the over aggressive manner of the Brits.They come by it naturally.

P.S. Once you two are married and have live together for a short time period,it should not be that difficult for you to get into the UK.Make sure you hire a immigration attorney.Very important after having been refuse entry.

Last edited by YankeemovingAbroad; Mar 20th 2008 at 2:46 am.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 2:14 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

I'm really sorry you've had such a hard time. Yes, you should have looked into it before you went to the UK, but what's done is done!

My advice is that, if you would like to spend some time with your boyfriend in person to see if things can work out, then let him come over here, using the visa waiver program which allows up to 3 months travel in the US. He will need a return ticket and to say that he has always wanted to travel in the US and intends to travel around. They will probably ask him if he intends to stay longer and he should say definately not and give a reason why he intends to return to the UK. (If I were him, I wouldn't even mention having an American girlfriend - just say he'll be visiting friends and to list you as that!)

In 2006, I managed to use the visa waiver to visit my then boyfriend, and after visiting a number of times, and a huge application process begun in the US and then completed in the UK (we were apart for 7 months), we managed to get approval on a fiance visa. I'm now married and living here in the US (Alabama, actually) and received my permanent residency on Monday!!! We had already spent 4 years together dating in England as he was studying there, so this helped speed things up for us.

Once you've sorted out whether or not you want to be with your boyfriend, you can then go into which country you'll want to be in together. Both the US and the UK make it very difficult for immigrants to stay legally, no matter how law-abiding you are, but it is worth it in the end! I didn't use a lawyer for this process - I used a book recommended by a friend which had everything I needed - 'Fiance and marriage visas A couple's guide to U.S. immigration' by Attorney Ilona Bray. I'm sure there are similar ones for UK immigration.

Good Luck!
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 4:34 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

He will need a return ticket and to say that he has always wanted to travel in the US and intends to travel around. They will probably ask him if he intends to stay longer and he should say definately not and give a reason why he intends to return to the UK. (If I were him, I wouldn't even mention having an American girlfriend - just say he'll be visiting friends and to list you as that!)
This is very dangerous advice.

The point of entry, particularly when using the Visa Waiver Program, is a crucial point of time. Statements made to the CBP Officer can be recorded in your record, and used in an ensuing adjustment of status decision, or even elsewhere later in the immigration journey.

If a person has long-term aspirations or possibilities in the US, they should be VERY careful about stating anything that is slightly or patently untrue. AKA 'a lie'. The technical term is material misrepresentation.. lying about something that matters. If changing your answer would change the officer's decision, it's probably a material misrepresentation. The consequences can include a ban from the US. Bans are from 3 years to life.

If you're genuinely coming for a visit, you don't need to monkey around.

There's a wealth of discussion on the topic of successfully visiting with the VWP in the US immigration forums here.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 5:19 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

So he does not need to say he's coming as a visitor? Essentially that is what he is doing though. He will be going back after 2 weeks. He will be coming here to see me, but as a visitor only. I am confused as to what he needs to do...It's going to be almost 2 months before he can visit anyway.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 8:40 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
So he does not need to say he's coming as a visitor? Essentially that is what he is doing though. He will be going back after 2 weeks. He will be coming here to see me, but as a visitor only. I am confused as to what he needs to do...It's going to be almost 2 months before he can visit anyway.
That is not what I said, and that is not what the quoted text said.

That's partly why playing word games is dangerous.
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Old Mar 20th 2008, 8:54 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by meauxna View Post
That is not what I said, and that is not what the quoted text said.

That's partly why playing word games is dangerous.
Oh I get you. Don't lie period. I wouldn't do that anyway, it could do more damage. I just wondered if he should apply for a visa or just come as a regular vistor. I'm asking because of what he said to the immigration officer in the UK. Obviously we couldn't get married when he came over here right away anyway...that'd be stupid. We have got to make sure we're still good together. I'm not even worried about the marriage thing right now really. We've got to know each other first.
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Old Mar 21st 2008, 8:34 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
Oh I get you. Don't lie period. I wouldn't do that anyway, it could do more damage. I just wondered if he should apply for a visa or just come as a regular vistor. I'm asking because of what he said to the immigration officer in the UK. Obviously we couldn't get married when he came over here right away anyway...that'd be stupid. We have got to make sure we're still good together. I'm not even worried about the marriage thing right now really. We've got to know each other first.
UK citizens don't need to apply for a visitor visa for a three week stay in the usa.The amount of time he would want to stay, up to the max(90 days) allowed would require him to present financial resources to prove he can cover his expenses while here.That in it self is reason enough for him to say he plans to stay here only two or three weeks.

Immigration will ask him how long is his stay and he must be specific about the amount of stay or he will be questioned further and maybe refused entry.If later after being here for the three weeks he then decided to stay here for 30 days or the three month maximum, it would not be a problem as long as he leaves the country before 90 days has expired.

If he stays pass the 90 days allowed, immigration will send him packing and he will be banned from 3 to 10 years.All he need do is tell immigration upon entry that he is visiting a friend for either the two, or the three weeks.One or the other not both.He must keep his story simple about the friend he is visiting and don't offer any information about the friend unless asked.

The story can not be a friend and later changed to girl friend upon further questioning.If that happens he will be refused entry because he will appear to be hiding information.He must have a return ticket.Make sure he has your address in case immigration ask him for it.

Doesn't get much more complicated than that.Enfact had you done the same thing when you were questioned in the UK they would have let you in.If they ask him about his emplyment in the uk, he should make it clear he has to get back to the UK at the end of his stay so he can return to his job.Don't lie and there will not be any problems.
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Old Mar 21st 2008, 7:18 pm
  #38  
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Okay, so he talked to his mother today and she said she'd be glad to sponsor me when I come there. I have no idea which route to take. Do I apply for a visa or not..ack...my heads gonna pop...
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Old Mar 21st 2008, 7:59 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

What kind of visa? I say *no*!
He can come visit you.

One note about applying for a visa that holds true UK-->US (and probably similar for the reverse) is that if you qualify for the VWP (see what qualifies you at www.sbp.gov) then you are *very* unlikely to get a visitor's visa. They figure that 90 days is long enough for you to do whatever visiting you need to do.
Since the visa free auto-entry to the UK is 6 months long, it's even less likely that you'd get one without a compelling reason.

Now that we've passed notes and chatted here, I have to put my opinion part in: don't even think about marriage and long term moving plans until you have met in person. Pleeeeease?
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Old Mar 21st 2008, 8:48 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

I would like to go over there for a couple of months before I make definite plans to move tbh. His mom just offered to let me stay there. I just wanted to make sure I didn't need a visa to do that. I told him I want him to come here first. It's only fair considering I went there first and got turned around. He will only be coming for 2 weeks. I just wanted to make sure he didn't need a visa to do that. If I go over there for a couple of months, I will have a place to come back to, which is where I am staying now, at my brothers. No marriage or moving in indefinitely until visting. Because I'll be damned if I spend loads of money again and this not work out. (thinking w/ my brain this time)
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Old Mar 21st 2008, 9:03 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

If he has an electrical engineering degree.... is he a sparky? (he'd know the answer)

They get paid very well so unless he's chronically out of a job, I think he should pay for your ticket should you decide to visit the UK. But I agree with Meauxna.... he should come here, and you should spend your effort time and money on finding and paying for a place to live should something go wrong with the relationship.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 6:06 am
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
I would like to go over there for a couple of months before I make definite plans to move tbh. His mom just offered to let me stay there. I just wanted to make sure I didn't need a visa to do that. I told him I want him to come here first. It's only fair considering I went there first and got turned around. He will only be coming for 2 weeks. I just wanted to make sure he didn't need a visa to do that. If I go over there for a couple of months, I will have a place to come back to, which is where I am staying now, at my brothers. No marriage or moving in indefinitely until visting. Because I'll be damned if I spend loads of money again and this not work out. (thinking w/ my brain this time)
What makes you think you'll be allowed entry? Your name is on a special list that will pop up like a red flag the moment you try to visit.Unless you take substanial cash this time with a return ticket I doubt they will grant you entry.Once rejected you will be considered a high risk for years to come.You said you just want to spend time with him even in a place like antartica.Alabama certainly can't be any worse than that.
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 3:48 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

So even if I have money, a sponsor, and a return ticket I still may not be granted entry because I made a mistake as a first time traveller. Well excuse me for saying so, but that is bull****. This is not fair, the only thing I did was love and care about someone. Both of our countries let terrorists, illegals in every single day, yet I can't even travel to see someone I love?:curse:
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 4:04 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Originally Posted by melissajean View Post
So even if I have money, a sponsor, and a return ticket I still may not be granted entry because I made a mistake as a first time traveller. Well excuse me for saying so, but that is bull****. This is not fair, the only thing I did was love and care about someone. Both of our countries let terrorists, illegals in every single day, yet I can't even travel to see someone I love?:curse:
What research have you done about entering the UK after a denied entry? Did any of the other groups have info for you on the IND's process?
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Old Mar 22nd 2008, 4:15 pm
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Default Re: Absolutely Crushed, someone please help me!

Everything says the same, you can appeal the decision but blah blah blah...I'm sick of this, it's like okay I'm trying to do the right thing, but it seems that no matter what I do Paul and I are screwed. I've read so many websites, they're all a big blur. Everything on them either reads like radio instructions and I have no idea what they're talking about. Or they talk about student visas, and what to do if those are rejected. I'm emailing people left and right. The UK's ministry of Justice, immigration, your PM's office for crying out loud...no one will help me. Everyone points me to different places, but no one in these offices will give me straight answers.
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