I agree. I find the Canadians I meet put up barriers and it only goes so far. The people that I have got on with best here aren't originally from here or necessarily from England - I had a good friend from Chile who unfortunately went back last year

I would like some real friends here it would probably make things easier now but I know it probably won't happen as imo I just don't fit in here at all.

first time i've ever been called arrogant

anyway this being a discussion forum in a democracy, i was merely giving my view and stick by it - from what i've read on this site in past 3 yrs or so

similar ex-pat denial is evident when it comes to comparing cost of living costs, shopping, the winters (our family loves the mountains you know)lack of pub life etc etc

tally ho ; tea time

Tea time? Blimey, thats early.

No problem with expressing your view, just dont paste your view all over everyone elses... Just because something does not tally with your experience does NOT make someone elses view "denial". Its a great big country, with plenty of scope for variety across it. I find that broad generalisations just dont fit, there is no one average "canadian" way, just as there is no one average "british" way. Its just lazy to tar one group as behaving in a certain way in my opinion.


As for other peoples experiences that its easier to make friends with other immigrants / expats...It seems obviously to me that's likely as those are the other people looking to make new friends. The long term canadians mostly have a group of friends and arent conciously looking for new contacts. Sometimes you click with them, but its just not as likely I'm afraid. I honestly dont think its anything unique about canadians, in fact this same discussion has probably occured on every regional sub forum here at one time or other.

The danger of course is if you move elsewhere, you are just as likely to not make new friends there for the same reasons, and all your old friends will have moved on in their lives too.

I agree entirely with t'other Iain. Practically all my close friends in the UK are from either a) school, b) university, c) my first few years of work when were all young free and single and going out a whole lot.

I was over in Canada for a year or so covering the tail end of b) and c) and the friends I made here during that time are just as close as any I made in the UK during that period, we have kept in close touch during the ten subsequent years I was in the UK and again now we're back here.

It is difficult to make very close friends as an 'adult', I'd contend just as difficult here as if we'd moved to a different county in the UK.

There's another factor too for us, anyways, related to age. As we left the UK most of our mates were just starting to have families. The memory we took with us therefore was of 'pre' family days when we all used to go out loads etc. That of course is no longer the reality in the UK, as we've found out on subsequent trips, as people naturally become preoccupied with their own broods - were we to go back it wouldn't be to the social life we remember.

Not saying that's necessarily applicable to anyone else, it's just our impending middle-age

What's the difference between friends and close friends ?

If close friends are those that you discuss intimate personal details and they can drop in unannounced and feel entitled to burden you with their problems then I don''t have any and I'm glad.

On the other hand I have friends that I can ask for favours, where we get together occasionally for a meal and chat fairly frequently on the phone then I have enough.

just tried to hook up with an ex workmate (Cdn) for beers on friday, his cop out excuse ; 'wife's got him lined up with jobs for the long weekend, so he does'nt want to sleep in on saturday' to my mind / in my opinion that is utterly pathetic and back in the old country a bloke would be lucky to escape forty lashes then tarred and feathered for such spineless behaviour ; but of course it's garage clean out/yard sale/seed planting weekend , priorities and all that

You're right - that is a pathetic excuse, but maybe it's the best he could think of on the spur of the moment?

Perhaps he doesn't care for beer.

The bolded text says a lot in my book.

Why is it considered spineless to perhaps want to spend time with family rather than go out drinking?

Sounds exactly what I would say. Work takes up the week, Family stuff is priority #1 when I'm not at work. People get families and move on, priorities change, we cant live like we are 18 forever. Thats life, whether in Canada, the UK, The US, Australia etc.

Did you offer to come over and help him...chance to catch up and all that??

My husband has the occassional bender but would much rather be home, and I think would avoid someone for miles, who seen that as being spineless. He's a chauvinist in as far as I hear him call me "the wife" but he certainly wouldn't see that spending time with family was secondary in status to "boys time". If the OP finds it hard to make friends, I would say they need to look at the Canadian culture in their area, and ask themselves if they are making the effort to adapt, after all...................when in Rome.

Mrs M xx

Perhaps he was on the promise if he got the jobs done.

Perhaps you have a reputation of heavy drinking which at $5+ a bottle can run fairly high on a family budget.

being trying to schedule this for months, and had it pencilled in

his kids have all left home

the meet was his idea - yes he likes a beer, as we've done in the past

it's another one of those 'oh we should go our for a beer sometime' jobs
which backs up an earlier poster

Have a canadian guy here in wpg that says it is the hardest thing to do at 30+ to get really good new friends.

Most people are either settled with kids and are travelling 4-5 nights a week to their events. Or People that have just hooked up in the last couple of years and are in the honeymoon part of a relationship.

So if you don't have something in common you can find it hard to break into the friendship circle.

Other problem is a lot of immigrants are here for a few months then run home, to another town, to job.

All this suits me to the ground less people I have to remember to socialise with on a regular basis the better.

Go out with a few people for a meal once in awhile catch with family news play a few games of cards.

Here's how you decided if you have a friend
How much would you care much if they got hit by a bus....

I'm in the middle here, I have close friends here but even trying to pin them down to a time and place sometimes is like nailing ice-cream to the wall. It's one of my particular irritants when they say they'll call you tomorrow or see you tomorrow and then they don't but don't see that as any kind of commitment (but when I take that as non-committal and make other arrangements and they do call/come over there's hell to pay).

Umm, isn't it how much they would care if YOU got hit by a bus?

Mrs M x