Would anyone else agree?
 

After living in Canada for almost 13years, it has been my observation that although Canadians are very nice, polite people they dont appear to really want to get to know you well. Now I know that this may seem like I am generalizing here but this has been my experience and wondered if others had felt the same. I would say that making good, true friends here has been the hardest thing for my OH and I to do. Just wondering about other peoples thoughts on this.

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

We haven't actually made it to Canada yet, but bought a holiday home over there about 3 years ago. We visit 2 or 3 times a year, and love it over there. People are really friendly, and we have more friends over there than we have over here. We do lots of stuff together when we go over visiting, and even stay in touch when we are back in the UK.

Sorry to hear that you are having problems making friends, especially seeing that you have been there such a long time already.

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In general I would agree. Canadians are very friendly people but it is not easy to turn these friendly people into friends.

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

I'd say true.

I've lived here just over 40 years. The easiest place to make friends is elementary school but I'm beyond that now. It took 3 years before I really talked to my next door neighbour. And after 10 I still done really know them.

This kids on the other hand get alone quite well with their kids.

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It's not been my experience - perhaps we've just been lucky with the neighbourhood and the people we've met through our business.

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Why would Canada be any different to any other country?

By the time most people hit middle age I suspect that they are mostly set in there particular clique of friends, and its not easy for a newcommer to break in either here or in the UK? Certainly its one of the challenges of emigrating, you need to go the extra mile to break in. People are certainly pleasant enough, but true close friendship is always a harder thing to forge, especially with fewer things in common in the first place.

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I have to say that we have found Canadian's to be wonderful.

Our first Christmas here is a great example, we had various invites, we have been made to feel very welcome.


Long may it continue......:thumbsup:

Linda

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Since we've been here we have made a few good friends. However my OH and I have experienced numerous occasion people saying "we should get together sometime" and then as soon as you mention a time and date they always have something else planned.

I have one particular "friend" who calls every so often goes on about how much she would love to see me and the kids arranges to come and visit and then calls at the last minute with an excuse, the most recent occasion being my daughters 1st birthday last week. I had to laugh when I told her we're moving back to Ireland she said how much she would miss us, what a load of BS:eek:

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Maybe it's you?

Just saying....

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If you took it all too seriously you could get a little paranoid.:blink:

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I agree with this entirely.

When you were all making those "proper, close friends" in the UK what else were you doing? At school? College? Was it some club? Did your kids grow up together?

You have to find some common ground before you can make a great friendship that becomes close. One of my chorus buddies is fast becoming one of my closest ever friends, and that is largely because I twisted her arm into car-pooling to and from from chorus when I first met her. That way we get to "visit" for about 40 mins each way once a week at least. Now our OH's have met and get along well, and we have had some "foursome" dinners and outings.

I suspect that for most people, even moving to a new part of the UK at our ages would find similar problems building relationships. I really don't find "Canadians" all that different. We're all just people.

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We've been in Saskatchewan 8 months and in our present house 7 months, the people in our local bar made us comfortable from the first, introducing themselves and then us to others as they came in. They invited us to their homes for a drink then it went to BBQ's BUT that is only when my OH is home. I spend 20 days a month on my own and don't get an invite anywhere. I am not complaining, because I have also made very good British friends some of whom have been in Canada for many years and some who are also truckers wives so know the score. It doesn't worry me that they are not Canadian friends are friends whatever their nationality.

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

totally agree, very polite and friendly

but generally lacking a bit of pizazz

generally life seems very ordered - may long weekend - unfurl the tent , fall -buy the orange bags for leaf gathering , all a bit stepford in my opinion

you'll find a lot of the expats are in denial about this as they strive to justify the massive change they have made in life

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Rubbish. Others have different experiences and opinions to you. Are you really so arrogant as to assume yours are the only genuine ones?

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But my kids are growing up with their kids here but i certainly haven't met any Canadians that i would call "friends". They are acquaintances, people I say hello to and thats all they seem to want.
There are quite a few Brits where i live, so maybe that doesn't help much but in all honesty, if i didn't have British friends here, then i wouldn't have any. And i have made an effort.

I agree with Iaink to some degree about set cliques of friends and it being difficult to break into those small circles. However, the few that i do know who are in set cliques aren't all from Calgary, they hail from all over Canada. They are all newcomers to the area but they have found a common ground, they're all Canadian, just like i have found a common ground with the British people i've met here.

Canadians are lovely friendly people, but i have found their friendliness doesn't go much beyond polite pleasantries.

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I agree. I find the Canadians I meet put up barriers and it only goes so far. The people that I have got on with best here aren't originally from here or necessarily from England - I had a good friend from Chile who unfortunately went back last year:(

I would like some real friends here it would probably make things easier now but I know it probably won't happen as imo I just don't fit in here at all.

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first time i've ever been called arrogant

anyway this being a discussion forum in a democracy, i was merely giving my view and stick by it - from what i've read on this site in past 3 yrs or so

similar ex-pat denial is evident when it comes to comparing cost of living costs, shopping, the winters (our family loves the mountains you know)lack of pub life etc etc

tally ho ; tea time

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

Tea time? Blimey, thats early.

No problem with expressing your view, just dont paste your view all over everyone elses... Just because something does not tally with your experience does NOT make someone elses view "denial". Its a great big country, with plenty of scope for variety across it. I find that broad generalisations just dont fit, there is no one average "canadian" way, just as there is no one average "british" way. Its just lazy to tar one group as behaving in a certain way in my opinion.


As for other peoples experiences that its easier to make friends with other immigrants / expats...It seems obviously to me that's likely as those are the other people looking to make new friends. The long term canadians mostly have a group of friends and arent conciously looking for new contacts. Sometimes you click with them, but its just not as likely I'm afraid. I honestly dont think its anything unique about canadians, in fact this same discussion has probably occured on every regional sub forum here at one time or other.

The danger of course is if you move elsewhere, you are just as likely to not make new friends there for the same reasons, and all your old friends will have moved on in their lives too.

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I agree entirely with t'other Iain. Practically all my close friends in the UK are from either a) school, b) university, c) my first few years of work when were all young free and single and going out a whole lot.

I was over in Canada for a year or so covering the tail end of b) and c) and the friends I made here during that time are just as close as any I made in the UK during that period, we have kept in close touch during the ten subsequent years I was in the UK and again now we're back here.

It is difficult to make very close friends as an 'adult', I'd contend just as difficult here as if we'd moved to a different county in the UK.

There's another factor too for us, anyways, related to age. As we left the UK most of our mates were just starting to have families. The memory we took with us therefore was of 'pre' family days when we all used to go out loads etc. That of course is no longer the reality in the UK, as we've found out on subsequent trips, as people naturally become preoccupied with their own broods - were we to go back it wouldn't be to the social life we remember.

Not saying that's necessarily applicable to anyone else, it's just our impending middle-age ;)

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What's the difference between friends and close friends ?

If close friends are those that you discuss intimate personal details and they can drop in unannounced and feel entitled to burden you with their problems then I don''t have any and I'm glad.

On the other hand I have friends that I can ask for favours, where we get together occasionally for a meal and chat fairly frequently on the phone then I have enough.

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just tried to hook up with an ex workmate (Cdn) for beers on friday, his cop out excuse ; 'wife's got him lined up with jobs for the long weekend, so he does'nt want to sleep in on saturday' to my mind / in my opinion that is utterly pathetic and back in the old country a bloke would be lucky to escape forty lashes then tarred and feathered for such spineless behaviour ; but of course it's garage clean out/yard sale/seed planting weekend , priorities and all that

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You're right - that is a pathetic excuse, but maybe it's the best he could think of on the spur of the moment? :p

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Perhaps he doesn't care for beer.

The bolded text says a lot in my book.

Why is it considered spineless to perhaps want to spend time with family rather than go out drinking?

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Sounds exactly what I would say. Work takes up the week, Family stuff is priority #1 when I'm not at work. People get families and move on, priorities change, we cant live like we are 18 forever. Thats life, whether in Canada, the UK, The US, Australia etc.

Did you offer to come over and help him...chance to catch up and all that??

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My husband has the occassional bender but would much rather be home, and I think would avoid someone for miles, who seen that as being spineless. He's a chauvinist in as far as I hear him call me "the wife" but he certainly wouldn't see that spending time with family was secondary in status to "boys time". If the OP finds it hard to make friends, I would say they need to look at the Canadian culture in their area, and ask themselves if they are making the effort to adapt, after all...................when in Rome.

Mrs M xx

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Perhaps he was on the promise if he got the jobs done.

Perhaps you have a reputation of heavy drinking which at $5+ a bottle can run fairly high on a family budget.

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being trying to schedule this for months, and had it pencilled in

his kids have all left home

the meet was his idea - yes he likes a beer, as we've done in the past

it's another one of those 'oh we should go our for a beer sometime' jobs
which backs up an earlier poster

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

Have a canadian guy here in wpg that says it is the hardest thing to do at 30+ to get really good new friends.

Most people are either settled with kids and are travelling 4-5 nights a week to their events. Or People that have just hooked up in the last couple of years and are in the honeymoon part of a relationship.

So if you don't have something in common you can find it hard to break into the friendship circle.

Other problem is a lot of immigrants are here for a few months then run home, to another town, to job.

All this suits me to the ground less people I have to remember to socialise with on a regular basis the better.

Go out with a few people for a meal once in awhile catch with family news play a few games of cards.

Here's how you decided if you have a friend
How much would you care much if they got hit by a bus....

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

I'm in the middle here, I have close friends here but even trying to pin them down to a time and place sometimes is like nailing ice-cream to the wall. It's one of my particular irritants when they say they'll call you tomorrow or see you tomorrow and then they don't but don't see that as any kind of commitment (but when I take that as non-committal and make other arrangements and they do call/come over there's hell to pay).

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Umm, isn't it how much they would care if YOU got hit by a bus?

Mrs M x:rofl:

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

Hi All

I see a general pattern here

If you live in a large town then you will find most people either standoffish or non-committal. However if you live in a small town then you will find people more willing to accept you. This is the same in the UK and Canada.

I live in London but I hail from Manchester. Where I used to live people still say good morning to ya and are quite happy to chat about nothing in particular. In London I still try this experiment but people look at you as if you were from another planet and avoid you like you had the plague.

Thats just the difference between small and large towns and is not centric to Canada.

I guess the answer is ... Get over it


You don't live where you used to or indeed anywhere like where you used to live


Ho Hum

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

And I say Vive la difference :thumbup:

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

We all have very few really good friends, were ever you live. Most are aquiantances. I left home at 16 and joined the Army. The friends I made in there were very close, share their car, put their life on the line for you etc... Then once I had left the Army they melted away apart from one or two.

My new life as a civvy saw a procession of neighbours and work colleagues that were just aquaintances. Now in Canada we have a much busier social life and lots of acquaintances and one or two new friends who are and Expats and I have a Canadian friend who would put himself out to help.

Much the same as my experiences in the UK. :)

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

nope, don't agree, got some really close friends, it did take a while though.

And not that many are Brits (mind you, do you agree ... I swear the nicest Brits emigrate!! :)

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As an aside- I generally avoid Brits out here like the Plague.

If I am out for a few pints in a bar and hear an accent I run for the hills.

We are the most obnoxious island ever, possibly with the exception of Manhattan.

If Canadians want to be your friend they will make the effort- trust me. So it is probably just you.

:thumbsup:

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

My first thought was - how do you define what a "Canadian" is. After all, 90% of Canadians are from different ethnic backgrounds, mainly ex-Brits, and more recently, Chinese, Jamaican, and practically every ethnic group you can think of.

When it comes to making friends, the answer is in yourself. Close friendships don't come from working at it, often a close friendship starts in the schoolyard. Or, at the schoolyard waiting for your kids.

To blame Canadians for the fact that you have no close friends here is very lame. And quite honestly, I find most of the people in this country far less shallow than back "home". Sorry to be so blunt, just my take on it.

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

Looking at the posts, and having travelled in Western Canada often, therin lies the answer. I find Western Canadians to quite xenophobic and insular (look at their attitudes toward French Quebec). A family I met in Vancouver found out I lived in Quebec and then proceed to ignore me during the meal with the assumpton I was a separitist anglophone!

You'll find snobbery across Canada - but centred in the west!

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

You're not welcome in this thread.

;) :p

Can't honestly say I've noticed the attitudes that you mention are exactly commonplace here.

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Absolute utter BULLSHIT!!!!

Re: Would anyone else agree?
 

I agree, We live in a very small town, population >700. A lot of people knew were were coming 3 years before we arrived and I was astounded, during during my first week here, to be stopped in Main Street every few steps by people saying 'Hi, I'm ... you must be the new English people who have bought the campground'. So, after less than a year I am greeted by name by all the store & bank staff, I play cards & bingo and even helped cook suppers for the Chamber of Commerce and Elks & Royal Purple fund raisers. This is something I would never have done in UK. Wouldn't have had the time for one thing!!!

We regularly have supper with at least 3 couples, including the local RCMP & his wife. I know if they needed help they would call us and in return they have helped us out in many ways. OH's pal is round here almost everyday while they 'play' in the workshop :confused: well ... that usually turns into a rum fest!

Now I don't think this has anything to do with being in Canada, I think is is due to the size of the village I live in and the fantastic community spirit here.

There are always lots of newcomers to the town so people get used to making new friends. Many of us have lived the best part of our lives elsewhere so we don't have the school friend network .

I don't believe I would have made many friends if I had moved to a city and had a regular 9-5 job. I would have been living the same routine as in UK.