what am I missing?
 

Hi all,

My wife is from Montreal I am from the North of England. We moved here in early December 2014 after 10 years together in the UK. I should say that I have always loved England. The humour, the variety of food, Indian, Thai, etc....., the pub culture, having so many things on your doorstep. I have never been a housey type of person. Its always been a place to sleep and gardening is definitely not for me. I led a very active life, very involved with sports. I moved here with an open mind with the thought that maybe I'm missing out on something. Everyone wants to move to Canada right! I have visited a lot over the last 10 years but never once did I think, what an amazing place to live. I thought that about other places but not Canada. I should add that I'm living near to Ottawa. Now that I'm here, I'm feeling that we made a mistake. I look around and still don't see what would make someone move here. I enjoyed the winter with the winter sports which I have always been involved in at a professional level but now that we're into summer, I'm just bored and frustrated. There is less work here for me and what there is, is not as interesting. I'd love to know if people always feel this way, will I learn to love Canada? Does it take 12 months or more to get "into it"? I feel like a bit of a fish out of water here. I just don't get it. For me life was awesome in England but it doesn't seem that great here. Please let me know your experiences. Have some of you had the same experience and gone back to the UK? Did some of you feel like me but after a certain amount of time begin to love it here? What is it that people like about Canada?

Re: what am I missing?
 

I agree with most of this assessment. Putting the scenery aside, it's a mediocre country, with a largely homogeneous population. I've been over 7 years now and really cant wait to leave.

Re: what am I missing?
 

You're in the wrong part of Canada...

Re: what am I missing?
 

Hi from a fellow (originally but a longtime ago) Northerner :)

Canada was never on my "bucket list" either. I followed a Canadian spouse here too.For various reasons (including young children - now adults - who were loving it & still do), I stayed.

I've said this before, I found years 3 - 5 the hardest : the first year I was too busy settling in, getting used to two cultures (Qc & Canada) which were rather more different than I expected, working out how stuff works over here. By year 3, the novelty had worn off, and boredom/frustration/annoyance set in. If I hadn't had the aforementioned children who I didn't want to uproot again, I would have left.

Whereabouts, roughly, are you "near Ottawa"? Rural/urban? Franco or Anglo area? Have you discussed these thoughts with your wife, and what does she think?

Unless you are absolutely depressed/on the verge of a breakdown about being here, I think you should give it more time.

I found moving to Canada harder than my stints in Asia & France, possibly because I *expected* the latter 2 to be difficult given language & culture barriers. My mistake with Canada was thinking "how hard can it be - we speak the same language etc etc?"

Re: what am I missing?
 

We moved in January 2014... I loved the winter sports and then thoroughly hated my summer with absolutely terrible homesickness! Search for my some of my posts if you want! I too absolutely loved my life back home and moved with some trepidation.

Roll on another year and I'm really enjoying summer, still early days in friendships but there is definitely long term potential, and we've had some weekends away with friends and are booked in for some more. We also do summer and winter sports with friends. I suppose I'm saying it takes a while to stop looking back and missing what you had and start to appreciate what you have. Having said that we moved to a different life from the UK...city to country, sea to very accessible beautiful lakes where we water ski, tube, wake surf, boat for dinner etc. So maybe the area is the key. I can imagine had we moved from similar city to city the difference wouldn't be that big and I would probably have moved home by now although it was touch and go last summer...

Re: what am I missing?
 

I fear that you've been misinformed. The essential trade off in moving to Canada is that you give up culture for the sake of consumer durables, primarily a bigger house.

Re: what am I missing?
 

I've not really thought of it in those terms, but I think you're absolutely right. We have a big house in a beautiful setting, but cultural stimulation? not so much.

Re: what am I missing?
 

I think what i have hilighted in your post is your problem.... if it wasnt a place you wanted to move to, you will never learn to love it, you did it for your wife? you love England, so thats where your heart is, thats where you belong, and where you should be living life.

Many people make the mistake of moving to Canada for a change/for the kids/for a job/for a partner/or just for the hell of it.....this more often than not will not work. As i have said so many times before there must be a pull to your new home, a strong pull.

For me personally i had the push from the UK as i had no ties and family was becoming distant, added to this, the pull from Canada was strong, one of the my loves is the outdoors, and so Canada really suits me summer and winter, it has one of the best backyards in the world, i am doing stuff here that simply would not be achievable for me in the UK. Tirytory summed up the different lifestyle very well, and this appeals to me too.

I miss blighty from time to time, but Canada offers me more for what i want out of life, and we are all different and want different things out of life!

You are not missing anything, its just not for you, it appears you are really only here for your wife, did she like living in England?

Re: what am I missing?
 

Canada is a huge country and varies a greatly from province to province and from city to city. No-one can or should judge the whole country from experience in one or even a few places. If you don't like where you're living or what you're doing. it's up to you to move elsewhere and to find work and activities you enjoy more rather than writing off a whole country as mediocre or boring.

Re: what am I missing?
 

I mentioned moving to the Toronto area but my wife would rather be in the UK than live there. My job sort of requires that I be near the capital city.

Re: what am I missing?
 

She loved England but I suppose she misses her family too and has many good memories of growing up in Canada

Re: what am I missing?
 

We are in Ontario, approx 45 mins from downtown Ottawa, very Anglo. Nice little town with friendly people but severely lacking in all the things you take for granted in a UK town.
My wife was as uncertain about coming here as me. She misses aspects of the UK, she has good friends there and is a lover of the UK culture now. I think she is 50 / 50 whether we should stay or go.

Re: what am I missing?
 

I completely agree with you. People have said to me that they visited London and they base their whole opinion on that city. I tell them they haven't seen the best bits. My wife has said that if we can't be within a reasonable distance of her family then there's no point in us being here. We also don't want to keep moving the kids.

Re: what am I missing?
 

Its funny you say that. I find myself really talking to Indian looking people when I see them. I feel as though I have much more in common with them than the local Canadians. I find most Asian (Indian) people have experience with the UK and the food is something I really miss. I don't find the variety of tastes here.
In fact the first curry my wife ever had was in brick lane in London. She was 24 and had been to uni in Ottawa and Montreal. She never looked up once while devouring that curry and is now a passionate lover of indian food.

Re: what am I missing?
 

It sounds like Canada just isn't for you and sometimes there's just no point of trying to make it work. Of course you have to think with your head and make sure that you have a job back in the UK etc. but if that's the case what's stopping you both returning to the UK. People move for a better life, but if you don't see any advantages in Canada, it's not worth the struggle. Of course your wife has to want that to, but it sounds that she'd be willing to move back for you.

Re: what am I missing?
 

The curry lament thread is 7 pages long.

I think if you like brick lane currys and London pub culture then you are really going to struggle in a satellite village outside of Ottawa. You need to be in central Toronto, itself a nebulous concept, but it's smaller than the official City of Toronto but larger than the downtown/ CBD.

Re: what am I missing?
 

Yeah, I recently hosted a curry night at my house for a bunch of Canadian friends who had never ever tried Indian food. Just so weird to us because our British culture says a few drinks and a curry on a Friday night is the way to go.
And it's not as if there are no Indian restaurants round here - we even have a few that are pretty good. It just doesn't occur to them to try different cuisines for some reason.
For the record they all seemed to enjoy it and I may have converted a few locals ;)

Re: what am I missing?
 

It sounds to me that it not only you that misses the UK, but your wife is also a convert. It seems the only reason that your staying in Canada is to be close to her family and the nostalgia of her childhood.

Memories are nice, but thats all they are, memories, you can remenisce anytime and anywhere, and dont they say you shouldnt live in the past....its all about the present and the future? and if the UK makes you both happy...whats the point of sticking around a place that doesnt really cut it for you both?

Its the same with family, its nice to have family close by, but ive found everyone has their own immeadiate family, and so the family you grew up with is just a memory. You have to live for today, and for each other, and from what you have said it seems the place to do that for you both is the UK.

Re: what am I missing?
 

The first 6 years are the worst.
It's hard to settle when you are still looking to replace what you had with something similar, it isn't here. You have to find something new that you wouldn't get back home.

Re: what am I missing?
 

Exactly!!

Thats what i was saying in my earlier post....you must have a reason (or a pull) to come to Canada in the first place. If you have that, it will usually work out, if your not coming for something that Canada offers and just for job/family/spouse/kids reasons, you will always be pining for what you left behind.

Re: what am I missing?
 

Perhaps CIC should stop Brits emigrating to Canada for say those over 20 years old then that way BE would have less threads about how things in Canada are different to the UK. If there was an Olympic sport for whining about other countries not being the same as the UK then the Brits would be gold medal winners with probably the USA winning silver.
A thread several pages long about how Indian food and curries in Toronto being bad. The only obvious reason I can come up with is Toronto isn't in ****ing India thats why.
As someone else said you are trying to replace something thats isn't always here and because you miss it you become unhappy and question your reasons for moving here.
I have yet to meet anyone who said they moved here for the fish and chips or banking system or any of the other things that Brits miss. It also comes as no surprise that if they are told they can actually get this or that which they miss they then bitch about how much it costs or its too far to go etc etc:lol:
Admittedly Canada being part of the Commonwealth is totally at fault for this as they advertise certain aspects of Canada being similar to that of the UK. They have towns and cities named after their UK counterparts to fool you into believing that they are the same such as London, Liverpool, Halifax and Stratford to name a few.
Im sure there is a French expats website somewhere where they are bitching about how come there are no Renault, Peugeot or Citroen dealers in Canada.
There again Im sure there are just as many Canadians bitching about the lack of iced hockey and its standard of play compared to the NHL or the fact that there are very few moose to hunt in Cheshire.
I could go on and on but lets face it Canada is not the UK and never will be no matter how hard they try to replicate things. Once you come to realize this and the sooner you accept it then life will become easier.

Now how come chip shops in London UK don't sell steak puddings? They certainly didn't in the 80s nor did they sell Lions bitter or mild. What sort of place is that to live?

Re: what am I missing?
 

:goodpost:

Re: what am I missing?
 

Why does it bother you so much? :huh: If those threads irritate you that much why read them? Surely this is exactly the place that people would expect a little empathy about the fact they don't find every aspect of their new Canadian lifestyle perfect?
That is the thing though - as we all know life is a series of trade-offs and compromises and very few people will find their Utopia here or in the UK or anywhere else for that matter. It shouldn't mean we can't have a wish list of things from different countries we would like to combine. So a little bitching about things to get it off our chests, get others view points and then decide is it a deal breaker take action accordingly and move on with our lives to me is not a bad strategy. :nod:

Re: what am I missing?
 

Perhaps FL is just venting about his own aggravation, this aggravates him. Therefore by the same logic he can post that on here

Re: what am I missing?
 

The first 4 or 5 years were the worst for me, I just wanted to leave and go home to California again.

Now I tolerate it and can manage fine. Its not ideal but my wife is Canadian as was my first wife and there are compromises in a marriage.

The scenery in this area is nice but so is the scenery in San Diego so I never really fell in love with it here.

My heart is and always will be in San Diego but for now we stay here as moving isn't feasible but one day it might be.

I am used to having alot of activities to do that don't exist here which leads to a lot of boredom and I have just never found a good job and fit which doesn't help. The type of jobs I can get here are just not on the same level which leads to unhappiness in the job.

Re: what am I missing?
 

What activities did you do in San Diego that are not available in Vancouver?

Re: what am I missing?
 

I'd like a Renault. I loved my little Clio.

Re: what am I missing?
 

I didn't think that I was bitching or whining. I was merely looking for other peoples experiences. I feel quite sad that it hasn't excited me to be here, I know my wife is disappointed. Maybe I'm at fault for not taking into account my original impression of Canada during my earlier visits. I suppose I thought that once I get here I'll begin to see what Canada has to offer. In fact the wife's family have all said to me that Canada is awesome and I'll have a great life here and will never want to go back to the UK. I see now that the life they have is their life and it is all they know. They have no idea what life in the UK is like. I think that maybe 30, 40 or 50 years ago Canada was the land of opportunity. As it stands I am actually struggling to find Canadian work but the UK is keeping me busy. Thank god for skype!!

Re: what am I missing?
 

Impressive rant, FL ;).

And yes, of course there are French expat sites where they bitch and moan too: funnily enough, often about things that aren't like France ...

Re: what am I missing?
 

Laddo, fwiw, you didn't sound like you were whining. I got a sense of disappointment more than anything else from your original post.

Re: what am I missing?
 

If this is the fantasy bagnole thread, I'd rather like a Citroen DS décapotable. Thanks.

Re: what am I missing?
 

Ooooh, noice :).

There's a chap somewhere in the boonies North of Qc city who had quite the collection of Déesses...

Re: what am I missing?
 

I see one now and then (a Safari not the drop top) and an SM but neither of them has the fabulous swivelling headlights; I think that to get those you either need a car originally sold in Europe or have to fund an expensive conversion.

There's also a Dauphine rattling around Guelph but that's probably not a Renault to set Bats' heart afire.

Re: what am I missing?
 

You do/would; N. American safety standards, IIRC :(.

(Apologies for encouraging massive thread swerve :sneaky: )

Re: what am I missing?
 

I'm in for a treat then. I've been here about 4 in total and have enjoyed pretty much the entirety.

Re: what am I missing?
 

Zoo, warm beaches good for swimming and relaxing, (beaches in Vancouver are not comparable), seaside cliff's, a couple dozen museums of various sorts that are low cost and free once a month for residents on a rotating basis, Balboa Park.

Further north Disneyland which I enjoy along with other theme parks.

I spent a lot of time at the SD Zoo, along with the various museums as several have rotating exhibits so it's not always the same exact thing.

Vancouver really has nothing comparable to San Diego/So. California.

Also have to add in a plethora of educational opportunities at reasonable tuition through the community college system, so you can access education without needing financial aid as you do here. (unless you have the cash resources to pay the inflated tuition in BC.)

Re: what am I missing?
 

I don't have experience of either systems but I do find it hard to believe the USA would be cheaper...unless it's just that BC is especially expensive.

I just did a random check for Pharmacy Technician. Unless I'm misreading something it's $6k in NB and $4k at Vancouver.

Re: what am I missing?
 

I dont think u are missing anything it's what it is, and it's what u make of it that counts.

For us it's Footy at the week ends, (son plays semi pro) sitting on the deck, seadooing whenever possible on the nearby lake and chilling in the pool, BBQ every day and being financially secure being that my job pays so much better here.

Winter is well winter.

Re: what am I missing?
 

Thanks

Re: what am I missing?
 

I suppose all you guys were sick of the UK and couldn't wait to get away?