What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

This is something I have been pondering for a while, so thought I would throw it out there and see if you agree or if it gets shot down.

There have been a lot of down in the dumps expats on BE recently, things have been hard for some of us, folk have been homesick and others are going back home or considering it!

We are the only people who truly understand homesickness and how lonely a place it can be and also a very powerful experience if your feeling down at all. Sometimes it is the woman and sometimes the man, sometimes both and if your on your own in a partnership feeling homesick I think you need a place to come and say:

"Hey all - I'm feeling homesick today, missing my real family and friends - HELP"

Perhaps a homesickness help thread kept at the top of the page might be a wee thing to think about? I think as Mrs Miggins says us women in particular are afraid to admit it in public and bottle it all up and even though you may not want to go back to the UK, homesickness really makes us look at things through rose tinted glasses and we may do something rash we dont actually want, when all we need is a bit of encouragment from our fellow forum members.

So sorry for the rambling - what do you think?

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Good idea I know I feel like that some days and it would be great to have some avenue to vent.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

A really good idea - I have a few days I feel homesick but I don't tell anyone - apart from Val!

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

I thought the whole forum was a homesickness thread. Thats why people post about pining for marmite or walkers crisps, or how the hairdressers are crap and the holiday allowance rubbish

Then unsympathetic people come on and tell you to stop being a miserable whiner and to go back home if it doesnt suit you

hey ho

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

What a great idea. I know i've certainly felt it since being here and never wanted to mention it on here too much, afraid of all the insular "well go back then" comments. I know you should take comments like that lightly but they certainly don't help when you're having a tough time of it.

I'm certainly not implying that you could talk someone into staying here if they're not happy, but a place to blurt it all out and know someone else understands can help to see things more clearly.

On a lighter note, we can talk about Marmite as well if want to, without being flamed.:thumbup:

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Have you noticed the Moving Back to the UK forum? That's the place you need.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Ohhh...you would get on with my OH...you should both work for the Samaritans.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

My wife was really home sick, she hadn't been back to the UK for 6 years....

Then she went for 2 weeks.....

That cured her....

I was fortunate for our first 3 years out here I went back every month.

I saw the light, real quick.:thumbup:

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Nice idea;), but really Batty hit it on the head.... Do you really want to hear that when your down?

Sutherlands

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

I think its a fab idea actualy - while people decide to emigrate or whatever it does not mean that those people will not get homseick, and just because they do should not be a reason for the "unsympathetic" lot to say "go home" or whatever. People have feelings and have every right to get homesick and at the end of the day I always think if someone needs a friendly cyber hug or whatever if the un sympathetic lot have not got any thing decent to say they should not bother. Thats just my thoughts anyway!:)

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Hello I haven't moved to Canada just yet but I think this would be a very good idea.

I don't understand why someone should feel the need to put someone down in an hour of need. You could make someone feel 10 times worse and upset them further. (We don't want to condone that, do we?) Just because you may be homesick does not mean that you want to go back to England. The point of this site is to encourage other people and give your support when needed.

Suggesting the move back to UK forum will only put doubts in someones head about maybe making the wrong decision to move when they are feeling low.

Once again I support this idea. :thumbsup:

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

I agree. My family and I have been over here for 3 months now and I have started to feel a teensy bit homesick. Mind you, I listened to Capital FM via my computer the other day. The depressing news bulletins and the 6 mile tailbacks on the M25 cured my homesickness in an instant!

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Well to those who say look at the MBTTUK forum, you have completely missed the gist of my original post - as I said we aren't homesick for moving back but more homesick for family and friends and that, yes homesickness can make us look at our old lives through rose tinted glasses. However if this is how you feel about helping a fellow member who is feeling low then that says a lot about you - doesn't it? But you are entitiled to respond whatever way you want - so thanks anyway.

As the rest of you seem to have picked up (and I thiank you for being clued into where I am coming from) if we had one particular thread to go to in our "hour of need" which only those sympathetic to our plight answered in, I think it would be a great support system, people who think you are stupid for being homesick have no need to read it;)

It reminds me of Iaink and Mrs Miggins where he kept trying to tell her to give it a little longer that the 10 month period is the hardest.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

once again my posts must have been invisible.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Batty you suffer the same afliction as I do!:rofl: I think you got the right answer!

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Why do you think that Batty? I always enjoy your posts:thumbup:

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

great idea.
Even reading the MBTHUK, makes me feel a little bit like Im giving in when sometimes you only need that one person to say they understand and offer no advice, just sympathy.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

He was trying to help with practical advice and experience of numerous people on here, some people need straight-talking rather than being coddled. Sympathy isn't always the correct response to situations. (although I'll probably get flamed for being unsympathetic now)

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

McDub, that's exactly what I mean, I thought it was good what Iaink was saying - he was giving the prospective of someone who has been in Canada a long time and is able to offer good advice. He didnt just say to Mrs M " Well if you feel like that off you go"

That's what a lot of folk need, insight from fellow expats who have been through the same experiences. I'm not saying to always give sympathy but to be empathetic to others as we have all been through the same thing...apart from those lucky enough to not experience homesickness.

It would be nice to hear someone say when your feeling all alone in a foreign country..."don't worry, hang in there it will get better, you are going to have up days and down days, but it gradually gets easier - we know cos we've been there done that".

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Well I think it's a great idea Alvic....due to fly out in 5 weeks and will no doubt check this thread out :huh: ... We really appreciate the thought....Daft Batty we always enjoy your posts also, you are definately not invisible...:D....Hi Piff Poff I have a couple of questions re:vets and hairdressers can I PM you?

I think it's a great post, thanks Alvic!!

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Thanks Rhodeys...hope your last five weeks go smoothly:thumbup:

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Oh me too Alvic the next five weeks will be mayhem ! We hope you are settling in well....how are your pups? I am getting myself really stressed about Chloe flying :( Bill is stressed about buying and insuring a car....it's minefield really isn't it. But we haved worked hard for our move and we are excited, nervous, scared, nervous, scared:blink: Thanks again for this post:thumbup:

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

We are settling in well thanks, although sometimes homesickness hits me in the strangest ways. I dont want to go back but it can be hard. I think for me what is worse, is that there is just the two of us and when OH is at work and I am at home the days I dont work and we have no kids it does get very lonely and I can get depressed easily if I dont keep busy - but then there is only so much you can do.

My shipment came on Monday and thankfully it didn't make me worse, but happy to have all my familiar things around me and the place feel even more like home now. But I was ironing the other day and listening to one of my Scottish CD's and a song came on called " A Scottish Soldier", don't know if you are familiar or not but its about a soldier away from home in the foreign hills of Tyrol and the last few lines of the chorus are 'As fair as these green foreign hills may be - they are not the hills of home" and boy did a huge wave of homesickness hit me and I sat down on the floor and cried my head off and it really took me by surprise as I have been coping really well.

My wee niece who is just two and a half has started sying to me on the webcam too "Come home now" and it is soooo difficult - I really miss my wee nieces and nephews the most and they cant understand why their Aunty is suddenly talking to them from the computer and why they never go to my house anymore.

Some of the reasons behind this thread:(

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Ohhh Alvic

It must be so hard for you : I don't have neices and nephews so I really can't relate but we have family and friends and we know it will be realy hard. I feel for you so much....hopefully your family will visit and enjoy your spare time together.feeling for you.

Worried about our shipment and how long it will take to arrive


Wishing you so much luck and happiness

Team Rhodey

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

This is a good idea Al, we've having a fabulous time here - but Friday night getting ready to go out with friends and I just burst into tears cos it reminded me of Friday nights in England, girlies getting ready drinking wine listening to club music and generally being raucous (sp).

I love it here I really do but I just wanted my fiends there to help with hair - to tell me my bum looked bug in this - to dovvy up some more wine - just girlie stuff in general.

So I put on a ministry of sound CD to get my spirits up and was met with blank looks, just wasn't the same :( I don't want to go back but I do miss my buddies and the random crap we used to talk about.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Yes MB, going back to the UK for a few weeks is the best cure of all.

I never get homesick - maybe it's because I'm in NS and can fly back quicker than I can drive between Gatwick and Manchester.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Exactly Moo...so on Friday night you could have came onto this thread and we could have talked some random crap with you instead:thumbup:

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Thats great to hear you dont get homesick:thumbsup: As you say maybe cos you are quite close:confused:

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

......Oh Canada we stand on guard for thee, OOOOOh Canada we stand on guard....for...........thee.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Thats why the man called susan thread is so long - girlies talking rubbish - but supporting each other and having a laugh.

I know it takes a long time to make new friends and to get to a stage that you feel comfortable with. I think what a lot of us forget is that friends back in England are ones we've had for years - grown up with in some cases and to have to start that all over again is a very daunting task.

I think those who are moving over with young teenagers should actually listen to their concerns - they are the same as ours however they just have a better way of putting it, ie - straight out.

As adults we can amuse ourselves with housework, jobs arranging all relevant paperwork and the list goes on. For a teenager they don't have that to do so their whole lives are their friends - thats why it must be so hard for them.

Sorry just ranting but imagine how you would feel if your whole life had been pulled out from under you?

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Hi

I haven't made the big step yet, but it's all in hand.
The only thing I think I will really miss is the people, family, and in particular some of my long standing friends who have been sworn on pain of death to visit! Yeah, would be good to have other people who've been through the big upheaval to have a laugh with, and occasionally give me a 'verbal slap'. Maybe it's a girl thing?

Sas xx

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Definitely a good idea. So far, have been not too bad with the homesickness - a few bouts of crying, but i haven't had to use my emergency flight which was standing by!

But, I know when OH is away working, and I'm on my own, it would be great to have a homesickness thread to go on to and speak to people - just even to speak crap, not necessarily about the moving/missing family things - for example - is Gordon Ramsay sexy? (yup!), why does my dog always chase squirrels when they just run up trees and laugh at him? does anyone know what's happening on the apprentice? (the only program i have missed in my 4 months in canada!?) why are men sometimes such a**e's? and so on......

just the girlie stuff you miss from the friends at home.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

With you on all of the above, but in particular Gordon Ramsey. ;) :wub:
Sas xx

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

This is me. I have met some really lovely people here who i know will be friends for a long time. But i really miss all the ones we left behind. One of my friends, i've had since we were 8, we've been through so much together and while we speak on the phone regularly, it's not the same.
I miss people more than the UK itself and it's especially harder for me at Christmas/Birthdays etc.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Yeah, there'll be tears before bedtime when I leave for sure.
Can take (or in this case, leave) most things - work, house, all that stuff. But people? I'll be gutted and then some. :(



Sas x

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

I wil tell you all that people are important. Just so very important.

Friends, family, memories, history, culture; it's all important.

You'll miss old friends and you'll make new ones - it'll be hard. the "gap" is the worst - 6-12 months of social "vacuum and space" before you surface for air.

Just be sure to check for "new friends" who turn out to be plastics/assholes.

"you know who you are" ha ha :rofl: :thumbup:


:thumbdown:


R.

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

The thing I find interesting is that most of the time on forums etc., guys will stay out of the girlie threads and leave them to be used for their purpose but women just cannot keep themselves from asking questions and joining in the converations on a thread for guys talk ;)

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

Are you still here. Can you not take a hint?

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

You dont do hints

Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
 

In support of unsympathetic posters ...... I know that sometimes they can seem really unkind, but I'll wager that in many cases they were not meant as unkindly as they appear.

My darling husband is a case in point ..... If I say I'm having a hard time at work he'll say, "well go work somewhere else" ..... and that is his idea of helpful advice.

I think men can be particularly bad at being supportive. They think you are asking them for a solution to a problem every time, and don't really "get" the listening ear thing. Some women are like that too of course, and I can be at times, so I know. Sometimes there is no easy pat answer to something that troubles a person, and that can be frustrating to the folks who think they are being asked for a solution, so the answers can get a little impatient as a result.

Often there are conflicting emotions, and something as vast as emigration is rarely without conflict.

Even professionals, if they themselves cannot really see what the problem is, as they haven't experienced it, can come across as unsympathetic. There are some that genuinely feel they are being helpful if they give such advice as "join a gym", "go home then!", "get out and meet people". Yes it's obvious. No, it doesn't seem really to even need saying, but sometimes, due to numerous factors .... it just isn't that easy!!

Here's something you might like to try........

I watched Paul McKenna on tv a week or two ago, helping people to lose weight, and one technique that maybe could be useful to many folks is to picture a wonderful memory (eg holding your baby for the first time, or maybe accepting a new person into your life and knowing it was for ever), .... remember a time when you made a decision and acted on it in a positive way, remember how you felt when you first decided that emigration was the right thing for you, for instance, and take yourself right back to how you felt right then .... pinch your thumb and middle finger together as you recall those wonderful moments and feelings, and then think of something that currently brings on negative emotions, and recall those positive emotions again as you do .... gradually those positive, joyful, motivating emotions that are so strong will be associated with this thing that you feel negative about, and you will soon find that you can bring on those feelings in joyful energetic waves of emotion at will, with the simple act of squeezing that thumb and third finger together.

Whenever things get hard and you need that boost you will have it, literally at your fingertips! Try it! It's working for me anyway! :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup: