tinytears

Oh heck, I am so emotional right now it is untrue, I swing from being on a massive high and mega excited to sobbing my heart out at the thought of going.

We have an end time in sight (aiming for July) and everything is moving forward (apart from selling the house which is a continual nightmare as I would image it is for many people).

We just seem to swing from one emotion to the next and for me it is really hard as I have to keep my happy face on for the sake of the kids when actually I feel like hiding away somewhere and sobbing. Then the next minute I am swinging high again with excitement at the prospect of ... well everything really!

I have had a permanent headache now for about a week and I am sure it is the emotion of it all. Goodness knows how I'll get through the next 8 months at this rate, I really feel as if I need to get my emotions in check and just chill and level.

So come on, I need help, how do I calm down and start relaxing and keep my emotions in check, preferably in a fairly neutral state rather than swinging on the great big pendulum as I'm doing now or I fear I may just go insane.

gibsonslanding

hi
it's all understandable and quite normal.....any change is like this and moving home is the worst stress thingy in the world.....and double that when moving home to the otherside of the world......i'm in the same boat and going in january with hubby already there, so i'm doing this all on my own with the kids........!!!!

don't pretend to the kids.....show them how you feel and talk to them, they'll be feeling the same but dependant on thier ages, they won't know how to verbalise it......if they are older, then you can all share the experiencies......i have spent hours talking to mine; we've had rows, laughed, cried, swore at each other!!!!!.....but we've come out the otherside and actually, now they are fine.....

if all else fails, go talk to your doc....just talking helps.....that's what BE's for too.....

but remember, you're not going insane, it's all perfectly normal and understandable.......good luck....x

triumphguy

A lot of things change with the move to a new country, but many things stay the same too. The nature of your relationships may change, but your history with those people remains. You will still breathe, you may want to try breathing slower and deeper. You will still eat, shop, sleep, drink, I don't know if you're married or have kids, but if so you can still snuggle and cuddle.

It's the little things/differences that will affect you more than a lot of the big things that you worry about now.

For instance: TV will get on your nerves. The colour of the egg yokes or margarine. The bread might be different.

And you'll find yourself coping with the big things.

hepburn

Hi!
Just read your post and feel exactly the same as you. We are looking to move over Aug 09. We applied for PR in Feb of this year, which is going to take a few years, so we decided I would apply for a student visa. I have been accepted in a college in Nova Scotia and the course starts Sept 09. Whereabouts are you looking at?
It all suddenly seems really real. I keep going through phases of excitement and sheer terror. We have had estate agents going over the house this week, and are looking at putting it on the market in Jan, but I'm so worried about the market and it wont go.
How old are your children? I have got 2, one 16 and one 12. They are both excited, especially the 16 year old.
Anyway its good to know somebody else is feeling the same as me!

hippy chick

This is absolutely normal, although a little early I guess.

For me it all started happening when we accepted an offer on our house, thats when the tears started, and the sheer terror. I just told myself that "to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs".

The last 3 weeks before we left were the worst for me, saying goodbye to people that I love, not knowing when I would be seeing or hugging them again...

I have been in Canada for 6 months now and I miss the UK like mad, it has really been hard for us financially and the prospect of familiarity is drawing us back to the UK. We will probably be returning in Feb/March, if anything doesn't change financially that is.

Don't worry, i think hormones play a huge part in our emotions...

Take care

My advice to you is, if you don't like it, you can always go back...

Yoong

Do take care of the basics like having enough sleep ,avoid the junk foods,
exercise,meditate,maintain contacts with family and friends.
Watch comedy movies.
Keep a mood chart about the highs and lows daily.Write brief notations
about the events that brought about the high/lows.Review the chart by
yourself or with someone you trust for feedback.
Hope that helps and take care.
Yoong

lisadd

Hey, please dont feel like your being silly, i have and still are going through the highs and the lows! some days i fell great and nothing bothers me, then other days i sit and cry!

My children are all at different ages and like me they are having their moments too, my 12 year old wants to stay then he wants to go.

BE is a great place,lots of people who can help you.

So tell me a bit more about you? where are you heading for?? we are going to Calgary down in the SE.

Chin up love and of you want you can send me a PM

Lisadd

thesidds

Wow, it really does help to know that others are feeling the same. We're making the move to BC next spring. I've been as cool as a cucumber untill this week. We sold our house in january and moved into rented. I think I've been so busy and excited about everything, I've not really stopped to think about what we're leaving behind.
My parents think that I'm a heartless cow, taking their grandchildren away and everyone else just keeps saying "don't blame you".
I think it might be Christmas that gave me the reality check- you know -the "last time" scenario.
My mood changes by the minute - excited, scared, stressed, sad - but mainly I feel numb!!!!
Deep down I know that it's the right move for our family, I just hope that I'm emotionally strong enough to see it through - but hey, if I'm not we'll just have to come back

lisadd

hey what you just written in the same as me! apart from BC and living in rented!!

hey dont wanna look back and say what if!!!


x

hepburn

Me too! It is a relief to hear people are feeling the same way. My mother in law thinks we are very selfish to take her only grandchildren away, and has made it clear she will not visit! My parents are different and can see what a good opportunity it is for the children, and have claimed the basement if we get one! I keep popping the kalms tablets!

Cookie

Personally speaking I wouldn't talk to kids about feeling emotionally up and down (about anything) because offloading adult anxieties onto children of any age will probably result in making them feel insecure and will make them very unsettled - something you don't want to happen.

What we did was say to our kids it was okay to feel nervous or a little scared about moving away............. then put a positive spin on it. Worked great for us and our boys aged 13 and 16 (at the time) were fine and looking forward to our big move. They felt secure in knowing we knew what we were doing.

............ This is coming from someone who brought up their kids 6 months a year on my own since they were born because Mr Y worked offshore. I had many a sad time (eg Christmas and birthdays when he was offshore) but I never let my kids see how sad I felt inside. All that would have done is made them sad - not what a parent wants to do at all.

Cookie

Heidi what you are feeling is pretty normal. The emigration process can be emotionally draining - going from "yippee we're moving to Canada" ...........to "oh my god what are we doing?????"

Try to give yourself the next few weeks off from worrying and enjoy the lead up to Christmas with the kids. Nothing in the emigration process is going to happen before then so go with the Christmas flow for now.

I also think your headaches are caused by the stress so try to calm yourself down and control (or reduce) your extreme highs and lows by relaxation. When you feel yourself getting too high (or too low), tell yourself you are in control and everything is going to plan then tell yourself to change the subject and go do something else to stop your thoughts getting out of control.

If you feel the need to cry, then allow the tears to come in private with your partner, alone or with a close friend but not in front of the children. This may sound like a 1950s magazine answer but kids don't want to see mum (or dad) upset as this will cause them to get upset and anxious.

You will feel better for crying too.

As our time got closer the need to feel in control helped me cope better. I used the Things to Do List in the Wiki. Checking off those boxes will give you a sense of achievement and lessen the feeling of being overwhelmed by the practicalities of tying up the loose ends in the UK.

Above all else, remind yourself that you are not falling off the planet, simply moving on to pastures new Good luck

triumphguy

I'm sure you lose sleep over that.... NOT

Judy in Calgary

Is that all it takes? An overseas move? Who knew?

That's not to discount how distressed you and other posters in this thread feel. Been there, done that, have the T-shirt.
x

Canada2006

You are about to do one of the most stressful and difficult things possible. It's normal that you are stressed! Four months after arriving in Canada, we're still stressed and very emotional too.

However, we've been able to do things to help ourselves out. You need to listen to yourself and ask what's stressing you? What's making you emotional? Some of this you can take actions to handle. We put one of our kids in daycare. That helped. The other stuff you can't work on, cry it out.

Crying is one of our most human ways of dealing with stress. It's the brain's way of saying that it's overloaded and needs just to externalise (hence giving dummies to children to shut them up is a bad thing - but we're getting off topic here). Cry, cry and cry! Should you do this in front of your children? It depends whether you've brought them up to understanding that crying is theraputic or not.

If you're 8 months away and crying maybe there is something wrong with your plans OR you're one of the 20% of the population that's highly sensitive (http://www.hsperson.com/). We're HSPs and have HSP kids so that was an additional thing to deal with.

We went through a horrible period in March concerning our move - we reduced the stress by deciding to move to Montreal instead of Vancouver! There was a fundamental problem with our plans.

Best of luck finding out how to be happy!