Torn.. :(
 

Hi everyone,

I'm 20 at the moment and studying Pharmacy in Scotland. The past 6 months or so I've become set on emigrating to Canada after I qualify. Initially my other half was keen on the idea too but last night dropped the bombshell that he doesn't think he'd be able to leave his family behind, whether in 4/5 years or maybe even never :( I'm finding it hard to understand because I'm not close to my family whereas he's very close to his.. I hate the idea of bringing up kids in Britain the way things are going, which he agrees with, but I think his priority is current family, not future :(

It's all a long way off and both of us may feel differently when I do eventually graduate, but I don't see things working out if there's not even a chance of us giving things a go in Canada (or anywhere but Britain!). Has anyone else on here had to cope with a partner who's less than keen on the emigration idea? If so, how has it worked out?

Any replies/advice would be much appreciated,

Amy

Re: Torn.. :(
 

You said it yourself. It's a long way off and who knows how you'll feel about the idea later on. Maybe he or you will feel differently.

My suggestion is you see if you can maintain your enthusiasm but not get carried away with the idea that Canada has everything that you could possibly want and see if over time that maybe your other half could start to really want to be part of those things. If he really doesn't want to make the move and is somehow compelled to then it certainly won't be a successful or happy one.

Re: Torn.. :(
 

if i can be harsh but a realist... youre 20.... and if youre deadset keen, do it with or without him.

Re: Torn.. :(
 

Why dont both of you go on the bunac visa (for under 30's) for one year and see if both of you like it and if it is really for you or not, that in a way may change his and even your mind, who knows what the future holds, just a suggestion to see if he can get away for a year in the hope he may change his mind......good luck and all the best in the future.

MR79

Re: Torn.. :(
 

Thanks for the replies - just feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place - I'm one of those 'if I want to do it, I WILL end up doing it' kind of people so I think I know eventually I will end up there. Whether it'll be permanent or not is a different story, just don't want to make decisions now regarding a situation we MIGHT be in, in 4 years time. Grr!

Re: Torn.. :(
 

Take some consideration in the fact that my Canadian wife didn't want to bring up our children in Canada and would rather they grow up in the English educational system which she feels is superior

me? I don't think there is that much difference

But then she's the ex-teacher I'm not

I personally think it’s more about perception than reality and then throw in location as both countries have good and bad areas and that will reflect itself in the schools

Re: Torn.. :(
 

I agree. At your age I wouldn't let anyone make your decisions for you. The world is your oyster. If you don't try, and always have that nagging doubt, it will not do your relationship a lot of good and resentment is a distinct possibility. Go for it. Get your degree and do what you can to start the immigration process in the meantime. Good luck and stop counting at one. Take care of yourself first and foremost !

Re: Torn.. :(
 

My ex-wife was super close to her family, biggest reason we split up, no matter what she would have to be close to them, so based on my experience if you really want to be in Canada do it without your partner and live your dream, you will find another partner, lots of fish in the sea...

Re: Torn.. :(
 

...bugger... still looking for fellow adventurer..? :rofl:

Re: Torn.. :(
 

What dave said.

Re: Torn.. :(
 

As you say it's a long way off. A lot can change in 4 years. Will you are still be together when you qualify, perhaps his family will have all moved away. Maybe he's just not that into you and this is his way of opting out now. If his priority is his family and not you, then ???

If you are still in the same position when you qualify you could consider some post grad study in Canada to see if you like it here.

Re: Torn.. :(
 

I think half of the problem is that I've already been away from home travelling for a year, went out to New Zealand and worked for 6 months, and toured various other places during the other 6 months, came home and haven't felt settled ever since.

Maybe I won't know what I want until I inadvertedly stumble across it :confused: I think you are guys are right, I won't be happy if I don't take the opportunity to explore because of him.. The situation's complicated because I live in his flat, we have a dog together.. I don't think I could stomach moving back home to my mum's because I'd have to share with my 18yr old sister.. ust stuck :(

Re: Torn.. :(
 

When will you graduate from school?

Re: Torn.. :(
 

You're 20? Is it that realistic you'll be with him still when you graduate?

My advice is (as been previously mentioned) ask him to accompany you on a BUNAC visa. If he wont give that a go then is he REALLY worth it? In the same vein if he wont even CONSIDER what you want because he would be leaving his precious family, where do you REALLY think his priorities lie?

Re: Torn.. :(
 

Hi There

I had similar situation when I was in my early 20s- had travelled and wanted to go abroad to live/work but my boyfriend at the time didn't.

Did go away (on my own) and came back to the UK and ended getting together the guy who had my best mate at uni and we shared the same dream of living abroad.

We are both now 30, married and living in Toronto!!!

Follow your dreams and don't change/stay for other people- you will regret it!

Just enjoy being a student- they truly are the best years of your life and maybe spend some of your summer holidays/study for a semester here in Canada. You don't have to decide anything yet re Permanent Residency.

Hope this helps