Is there a cure for homesickness?
Dec 3rd 2005, 10:10 pm
#1
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 4
Is there a cure for homesickness?
We live near Victoria BC and bought a terrific house in June. I just found a job, which isnt as good as the one I had in the UK, but it's a start and it's kinda interesting. The kids are settled in a great school and have made friends.
www.olivebranch.co.uk is a blog of our adventure.
The thing is my wife is a bit glum and misses her family. She is homesick, whereas I am not, and she is feeling low.
Some days she says she dislikes Canada, and other days she is sad because she misses the UK/ her family/old buildings/pubs.
Has anyone got any suggestions as to how I can help her? or how she can help herself.
Have others been through the same feelings? Do they go away eventually?
Any help would be gratefully received.
www.olivebranch.co.uk is a blog of our adventure.
The thing is my wife is a bit glum and misses her family. She is homesick, whereas I am not, and she is feeling low.
Some days she says she dislikes Canada, and other days she is sad because she misses the UK/ her family/old buildings/pubs.
Has anyone got any suggestions as to how I can help her? or how she can help herself.
Have others been through the same feelings? Do they go away eventually?
Any help would be gratefully received.
Dec 3rd 2005, 10:29 pm
#2
Cynically amused.
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: BC
Posts: 3,648
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Originally Posted by thesnodgrass
We live near Victoria BC and bought a terrific house in June. I just found a job, which isnt as good as the one I had in the UK, but it's a start and it's kinda interesting. The kids are settled in a great school and have made friends.
www.olivebranch.co.uk is a blog of our adventure.
The thing is my wife is a bit glum and misses her family. She is homesick, whereas I am not, and she is feeling low.
Some days she says she dislikes Canada, and other days she is sad because she misses the UK/ her family/old buildings/pubs.
Has anyone got any suggestions as to how I can help her? or how she can help herself.
Have others been through the same feelings? Do they go away eventually?
Any help would be gratefully received.
www.olivebranch.co.uk is a blog of our adventure.
The thing is my wife is a bit glum and misses her family. She is homesick, whereas I am not, and she is feeling low.
Some days she says she dislikes Canada, and other days she is sad because she misses the UK/ her family/old buildings/pubs.
Has anyone got any suggestions as to how I can help her? or how she can help herself.
Have others been through the same feelings? Do they go away eventually?
Any help would be gratefully received.
Dec 3rd 2005, 11:18 pm
#3
Loving it here!
Joined: May 2003
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 1,198
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Sent a PM. Also wondered, has your wife met many people (eg at the school gates etc) are the new comer groups any use to her?
http://www.newcomersclub.com/Canada/bc.html
Clare
http://www.newcomersclub.com/Canada/bc.html
Clare
Dec 4th 2005, 1:07 am
#4
Now on Vancouver Island
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 6,935
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Hello thesnodgrass,
Welcome to the forum.
What your wife is experiencing may not just be homesickness but also culture shock. Either of them can hit quite a while after you've landed in a new place.
Hot wasabi peas of this forum wrote an excellent essay on culture shock.
My personal website also has accounts of my own experiences with culture shock and biculturalism.
Doing the exercises in The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron was very helpful to me.
Another helpful concept to which my next door neighbour introduced me just a week ago is Kitchen for the Mind, an idea put forward by Mike Vance. I find that Vance's ideas have some elements in common with feng shui, about which I have done some reading, and Maria Montessori's ideas, which I researched years ago when my kids attended a Montessori nursery school.
The premise on which Vance bases his teaching is that everyone needs space and equipment to support his/her creativity, just as a cook needs a kitchen and utensils with which to prepare meals.
I am feeling inspired to move my computer from the boring corner of our basement that it now occupies to the upstairs bedroom that our older son vacated when he moved into his own apartment. If this corner in the basement was the only available space, then I would at least fix it up so that it felt more inspiring and better met my needs.
A few days ago I took from its display shelf and hid in a cupboard a wooden statue that my brother had carved and given me as a gift. For years and years I regarded it as my most precious possession. Right after our family photo albums that statue would have been the thing I would have rescued in a fire. However, the realisation had been dawning on me that the statue told a sad story. It represented the pain that my brother and I both felt at our father's destruction of our beloved childhood world. We had grown up in the African bush, surrounded by a sea of wild animals. I mean that literally. The herds of impalas were so vast that they made ripples like ocean waves when they ran and jumped. But our father shot them in their thousands to make room for a sugar plantation.
More recently, when I have heard about the thinning of the polar ice caps, the rapid disappearance of ice floes that is denying hunting perches to polar bears, etc., my heart has ached. Apparently 34% of the trees in the Amazon jungle have been logged. When I read any of these statistics it feels as if I am witnessing the destruction all over again.
However, I am incubating some ideas around persuading a First Nations band in Alberta to take waste hot water from a coal fired power plant that's located on their land and use it to heat greenhouses.
I have no formal technical education, and that specific idea may not work. However, I'm finding that I'm coming up with several different ideas, and I'm identifying people who may be able to help bring them to fruition -- my electrical engineer husband, my friend who is an expert of xeriscaping, my other friend who is an expert on permaculture, etc.
I feel that one of these days one of these ideas may just work. What several of the ideas have in common is that they may be able to repair the environment (or at least one small segment of it), enhance the well being of society (or at least one small part of it), and facilitate some sort of healing within an aboriginal group (or at least one small aspect of one small aboriginal group's life).
As I felt several cheerful ideas emerging from me, the sad statue felt as if it was blocking my creativity, and I knew it had to go. That is a concept that one finds in feng shui. Because it was the first statue that my brother created in what turned out to be a prolific phase of wood carving, part of me feels it would be disrespectful to throw it out. I haven't decided what to do with it in the long run. For the time being, however, it's tucked in the back of a cupboard, and is not on display.
It may sound simplistic to say that fixing your outer landscape is linked to the repair of your inner landscape, but it seems to have been the case for me.
I know from experience that going back "home" wouldn't be a solution for me. When I return for visits, I find that the people who have stayed behind for the most part seem very provincial to me. Back when I made my first return visit it used to be called the $1,000 cure, but since then inflation has increased the price.
Even if I did go back to the place from which I came, it would not be the same place. It would be a new place, and I would have to adjust to it. Once you have been born, there is no returning to the womb.
The life experiences that I've had to date, both the "good" and the "bad" add up to make me the person who I am. I can draw on my inner well to come up with new ideas that can help me to go forward. No part of my past is all bad. My dad, who shot all those thousands of wild animals, was a brilliant farmer who had innovative ideas for irrigation systems, etc. I find that, even without any formal education in agriculture, I have intuitive ideas about it. My ideas no doubt come from having been immersed in my dad's world.
There are members of this forum who do go back to the UK. There are still others who return to the UK and end up moving to Australia, Canada or Wherever all over again.
I respect people's personal journeys. If they need to return to the UK, then that's what they need to do. If they need to return to the UK and then return to Canada yet again, then that's what they need to do too. But, before you go to the expense of moving back, which in any case sounds as if it's a potential solution for only one member of your family (if indeed it is a solution), I would suggest your wife give Canada more time.
I also think it would be a good idea for her to visit the UK for a "$1,000 cure."
Something she can do right away, if she hasn't already done it, is create a corner of your house that is just for her and that reflects what she loves about the UK.
But, whatever you do, I strongly recommend against you telling your wife that it's all just in her head, she should be grateful for the wonderful house she has in Canada, she should just pull herself together and get over it. I'm not saying you're doing that. In fact the tone of your post suggests you are respecting her reality, which I think is great. However, I'm saying that mainly for anyone else in a similar position who may read my post.
I wish you both all the best.
Welcome to the forum.
What your wife is experiencing may not just be homesickness but also culture shock. Either of them can hit quite a while after you've landed in a new place.
Hot wasabi peas of this forum wrote an excellent essay on culture shock.
My personal website also has accounts of my own experiences with culture shock and biculturalism.
Doing the exercises in The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron was very helpful to me.
Another helpful concept to which my next door neighbour introduced me just a week ago is Kitchen for the Mind, an idea put forward by Mike Vance. I find that Vance's ideas have some elements in common with feng shui, about which I have done some reading, and Maria Montessori's ideas, which I researched years ago when my kids attended a Montessori nursery school.
The premise on which Vance bases his teaching is that everyone needs space and equipment to support his/her creativity, just as a cook needs a kitchen and utensils with which to prepare meals.
I am feeling inspired to move my computer from the boring corner of our basement that it now occupies to the upstairs bedroom that our older son vacated when he moved into his own apartment. If this corner in the basement was the only available space, then I would at least fix it up so that it felt more inspiring and better met my needs.
A few days ago I took from its display shelf and hid in a cupboard a wooden statue that my brother had carved and given me as a gift. For years and years I regarded it as my most precious possession. Right after our family photo albums that statue would have been the thing I would have rescued in a fire. However, the realisation had been dawning on me that the statue told a sad story. It represented the pain that my brother and I both felt at our father's destruction of our beloved childhood world. We had grown up in the African bush, surrounded by a sea of wild animals. I mean that literally. The herds of impalas were so vast that they made ripples like ocean waves when they ran and jumped. But our father shot them in their thousands to make room for a sugar plantation.
More recently, when I have heard about the thinning of the polar ice caps, the rapid disappearance of ice floes that is denying hunting perches to polar bears, etc., my heart has ached. Apparently 34% of the trees in the Amazon jungle have been logged. When I read any of these statistics it feels as if I am witnessing the destruction all over again.
However, I am incubating some ideas around persuading a First Nations band in Alberta to take waste hot water from a coal fired power plant that's located on their land and use it to heat greenhouses.
I have no formal technical education, and that specific idea may not work. However, I'm finding that I'm coming up with several different ideas, and I'm identifying people who may be able to help bring them to fruition -- my electrical engineer husband, my friend who is an expert of xeriscaping, my other friend who is an expert on permaculture, etc.
I feel that one of these days one of these ideas may just work. What several of the ideas have in common is that they may be able to repair the environment (or at least one small segment of it), enhance the well being of society (or at least one small part of it), and facilitate some sort of healing within an aboriginal group (or at least one small aspect of one small aboriginal group's life).
As I felt several cheerful ideas emerging from me, the sad statue felt as if it was blocking my creativity, and I knew it had to go. That is a concept that one finds in feng shui. Because it was the first statue that my brother created in what turned out to be a prolific phase of wood carving, part of me feels it would be disrespectful to throw it out. I haven't decided what to do with it in the long run. For the time being, however, it's tucked in the back of a cupboard, and is not on display.
It may sound simplistic to say that fixing your outer landscape is linked to the repair of your inner landscape, but it seems to have been the case for me.
I know from experience that going back "home" wouldn't be a solution for me. When I return for visits, I find that the people who have stayed behind for the most part seem very provincial to me. Back when I made my first return visit it used to be called the $1,000 cure, but since then inflation has increased the price.
Even if I did go back to the place from which I came, it would not be the same place. It would be a new place, and I would have to adjust to it. Once you have been born, there is no returning to the womb.
The life experiences that I've had to date, both the "good" and the "bad" add up to make me the person who I am. I can draw on my inner well to come up with new ideas that can help me to go forward. No part of my past is all bad. My dad, who shot all those thousands of wild animals, was a brilliant farmer who had innovative ideas for irrigation systems, etc. I find that, even without any formal education in agriculture, I have intuitive ideas about it. My ideas no doubt come from having been immersed in my dad's world.
There are members of this forum who do go back to the UK. There are still others who return to the UK and end up moving to Australia, Canada or Wherever all over again.
I respect people's personal journeys. If they need to return to the UK, then that's what they need to do. If they need to return to the UK and then return to Canada yet again, then that's what they need to do too. But, before you go to the expense of moving back, which in any case sounds as if it's a potential solution for only one member of your family (if indeed it is a solution), I would suggest your wife give Canada more time.
I also think it would be a good idea for her to visit the UK for a "$1,000 cure."
Something she can do right away, if she hasn't already done it, is create a corner of your house that is just for her and that reflects what she loves about the UK.
But, whatever you do, I strongly recommend against you telling your wife that it's all just in her head, she should be grateful for the wonderful house she has in Canada, she should just pull herself together and get over it. I'm not saying you're doing that. In fact the tone of your post suggests you are respecting her reality, which I think is great. However, I'm saying that mainly for anyone else in a similar position who may read my post.
I wish you both all the best.
Dec 4th 2005, 1:39 am
#5
Moderαtor Emeritus
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
The simple cure for homesickness is time Im afraid. If you arrived in June, then you are just heading into the primetime for it. Goes along with cultureshock and is quite normal, and it will pass in a little while in most cases.
Dec 4th 2005, 1:44 am
#6
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,294
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Hi and welcome to Canada firstly!
Homesickness is the worst part of being here, and I have many solutions that I tried and tested, one thing I would NOT advise is going home for a visit. you will never return. I went home after 2 years and very nearly didnt come back.
The first thing that helps dull homesickness is time. After 3 years I only get the occassional pang of homesickness. I know this doesnt help right now but you can tell your wife as anyone on here will agree time is what kills it eventually.
The second thing I found was to go to an English store get real cadburys chocolate, marmite, bisto gravy. Go to HMV and get the Vicar of Dibley box set (or something she likes) and give her an english day. Make her a good old roast, make her a G&T, put her in front of the TV and let her watch British Comedy all day.
Thirdly tell her to write a list of all the reasons you left England in the first place. and every time she gets homesick tell her to read it.
And a visitor from Home is always nice although its pretty rough when they leave.
Maybe also you can find a new local pub, get to know the locals, join a local club. Its amazing how quick you can make freinds when you become part of your community. We now have our little local pub and I know the barmaids and the expats that frequent there.
Also making new freinds helps. Whenever I think about going home I think how i couldnt leave my freinds and my little routine I have here and How i would miss Canada.
But again this all takes time. The first year is always the hardest as long as you get through that it gets a lot easier.
Good luck to you both and feel free to email me any time.
Homesickness is the worst part of being here, and I have many solutions that I tried and tested, one thing I would NOT advise is going home for a visit. you will never return. I went home after 2 years and very nearly didnt come back.
The first thing that helps dull homesickness is time. After 3 years I only get the occassional pang of homesickness. I know this doesnt help right now but you can tell your wife as anyone on here will agree time is what kills it eventually.
The second thing I found was to go to an English store get real cadburys chocolate, marmite, bisto gravy. Go to HMV and get the Vicar of Dibley box set (or something she likes) and give her an english day. Make her a good old roast, make her a G&T, put her in front of the TV and let her watch British Comedy all day.
Thirdly tell her to write a list of all the reasons you left England in the first place. and every time she gets homesick tell her to read it.
And a visitor from Home is always nice although its pretty rough when they leave.
Maybe also you can find a new local pub, get to know the locals, join a local club. Its amazing how quick you can make freinds when you become part of your community. We now have our little local pub and I know the barmaids and the expats that frequent there.
Also making new freinds helps. Whenever I think about going home I think how i couldnt leave my freinds and my little routine I have here and How i would miss Canada.
But again this all takes time. The first year is always the hardest as long as you get through that it gets a lot easier.
Good luck to you both and feel free to email me any time.
Dec 4th 2005, 1:48 am
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Smack bang in the middle of the Bible belt...
Posts: 77
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Originally Posted by iaink
The simple cure for homesickness is time Im afraid. If you arrived in June, then you are just heading into the primetime for it. Goes along with cultureshock and is quite normal, and it will pass in a little while in most cases.
I have to agree with this, time and making friends (or at least acquaintances) is about the best thing for it.
Dec 4th 2005, 3:54 am
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Kelowna, BC
Posts: 295
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Hi Claire,
I'm not sure if it is just the newcomers club in Kelowna being run differently, but they don't cater for young families. I e-mailed them just after we moved here and they only catered for older couples. they said there was no demand for the service by families.
Louise
I'm not sure if it is just the newcomers club in Kelowna being run differently, but they don't cater for young families. I e-mailed them just after we moved here and they only catered for older couples. they said there was no demand for the service by families.
Louise
Originally Posted by ClareBC
Sent a PM. Also wondered, has your wife met many people (eg at the school gates etc) are the new comer groups any use to her?
http://www.newcomersclub.com/Canada/bc.html
Clare
http://www.newcomersclub.com/Canada/bc.html
Clare
Dec 4th 2005, 2:19 pm
#9
Peter Darwin
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 502
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Certainly I agree that getting more involved in life here in Canada is a good way to go. I have been here 5 years and miss the same things - family, pubs, history, etc. yet my wife misses nothing over there. Strange.
Remember you both likely came to Canada because you wanted a change and you had some spirit of adventure. If you returned to UK now, how long would it be before you're pining to move on again?
The family is a biggie though. As people 'over there' get older, as we do here, you think how many more times will we see them? There are still many ways to keep in contact - letters, camcorder tapes, Internet (emails, webcam, etc).
I was back in UK in June - the first time for several years. Yes, it was great visiting the family again, but the country still has the same problems as it had before I left, only worse. It's OK to visit, but wouldn't want to live there !
Actually I think the same about the family too !!
Remember you both likely came to Canada because you wanted a change and you had some spirit of adventure. If you returned to UK now, how long would it be before you're pining to move on again?
The family is a biggie though. As people 'over there' get older, as we do here, you think how many more times will we see them? There are still many ways to keep in contact - letters, camcorder tapes, Internet (emails, webcam, etc).
I was back in UK in June - the first time for several years. Yes, it was great visiting the family again, but the country still has the same problems as it had before I left, only worse. It's OK to visit, but wouldn't want to live there !
Actually I think the same about the family too !!
Dec 4th 2005, 3:40 pm
#10
Loving it here!
Joined: May 2003
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 1,198
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Originally Posted by Colsgirl
Hi Claire,
I'm not sure if it is just the newcomers club in Kelowna being run differently, but they don't cater for young families. I e-mailed them just after we moved here and they only catered for older couples. they said there was no demand for the service by families.
Louise
I'm not sure if it is just the newcomers club in Kelowna being run differently, but they don't cater for young families. I e-mailed them just after we moved here and they only catered for older couples. they said there was no demand for the service by families.
Louise
I joined my local new comers group. I made friends with the only ones there under 40 (all 3 of them
) and it was a great help in the early days here Clare
Dec 4th 2005, 7:52 pm
#11
Cochrane AB Bound!
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Cochrane AB
Posts: 393
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Just remind her all that time you planned moving to Canada in the UK.
Im close to my parents and am an only Child and im sure i,ll miss them but just remember the downfalls and what made you want to leave in the first place.
wet winters
pushing and shoving every week in the supermarket
the cost of living here(petrol, clothes, fags and beer)
I know every where is different but it must be better than here
I cant wait to leave, The UK is less than half a day away,
Good luck and hope you have a Happy Christmas
Im close to my parents and am an only Child and im sure i,ll miss them but just remember the downfalls and what made you want to leave in the first place.
wet winters
pushing and shoving every week in the supermarket
the cost of living here(petrol, clothes, fags and beer)
I know every where is different but it must be better than here
I cant wait to leave, The UK is less than half a day away,
Good luck and hope you have a Happy Christmas
Dec 4th 2005, 8:19 pm
#12
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Kelowna, BC
Posts: 295
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Hi Claire,
I haven't heard of them! I'm past being homesick - not that I was LOL! If they are here, it will be great for people moving into the area. I was looking for things in the summer holidays before my elder son started school.
I meet people all over the place now. Met the guy that runs the ex-pats fantasy football in Toys R Us yesterday
husband is very happy about anything to do with football!!!
Louise
I haven't heard of them! I'm past being homesick - not that I was LOL! If they are here, it will be great for people moving into the area. I was looking for things in the summer holidays before my elder son started school.
I meet people all over the place now. Met the guy that runs the ex-pats fantasy football in Toys R Us yesterday
husband is very happy about anything to do with football!!!Louise
Originally Posted by ClareBC
They are all different - and completely run by volunteers. What about the Kelowna Welcome Wagon (I recall reading about that when we were contemplating moving to the Okaganagan).
I joined my local new comers group. I made friends with the only ones there under 40 (all 3 of them ) and it was a great help in the early days here
Clare
I joined my local new comers group. I made friends with the only ones there under 40 (all 3 of them
) and it was a great help in the early days here Clare
Dec 4th 2005, 8:21 pm
#13
Now on Vancouver Island
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 6,935
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Originally Posted by us3andthedog
Just remind her all that time you planned moving to Canada in the UK.
Dec 4th 2005, 8:48 pm
#14
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2002
Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,062
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Originally Posted by pdarwin
Certainly I agree that getting more involved in life here in Canada is a good way to go.
Agreed. Boredom stimulates brooding which can result in nostalgic pining. Diversions help to offset the brooding. Join a volunteer group, recreation or sports group then you simply won't have the time or inclination
Dec 4th 2005, 9:00 pm
#15
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Is there a cure for homesickness?
Originally Posted by flashman
Join a volunteer group, recreation or sports group then you simply won't have the time or inclination
