andy_carey

When we first applied for immigration our son was 15 years old and really keen on the idea. I am going on ahead as I have been fortunate enough to land a job offer and the rest of my family will follow once our property in the UK sells.
My problem now is that my son (who is now 19) is saying he doesn't think he wants to ge, he doesn't see the point, he is happy with his life here, he has had a girlfriend for 15 months as well which is not helping his decision.
I am just wondering if anyone else has had similar experience and how they handled it.

jericho

Just tell him that with his accent, he'll have loads of girls after him...... unless he's got one of those disgusting scouse or brummy accents of course...

lins and Stef McLachlan

Hi
Friends of ours had a similar thing happen with their eldest daughter. She didn't want to leave her boyfriend behind. So they had a good long chat about it and it ended up with her agreeing to go with them to Vancouver and her boyfriend went too as a visitor for six month.

That got her safely landed, but meant the boyfriend could not work. When the 6 months were up they both went back to the UK. They can now come back and do another visitor 6months for him, or he can try to come through Bunac or to study. I am waiting to hear the next instalment.

Maybe this could work for you...if his girlfriend wanted to go...but downside is that you would have to keep her, or he would have to work to keep her too. While not ideal...it would mean that you would all still be together, and if it didn't work out with the girlfriend, she could just go back? He would also have some time towards his residency to maintain his PR.

Hope this has given another slant to the problem
Good luck with the negotiations
lol
Stef

Madwife

Hi there,

I have 2 children I am leaving behind!! My eldest as she can't come as she is too old but is also not so sure otherwise she would have applied via bunac then be sponsored by her sister. And then my 17yr old son. He has never been keen but is putting up with the immigration process and will land with us so that if he changes his mind in the first 3 yrs he will have PR. But I am leaving him behind with his Dad that he doesn't get on with very well, but under the watchful eye of his older sister. I am not happy about it but it is his choice and he is lucky enough to have a place to go otherwise this would have been far more difficult.

I am hoping that the seperation from his other sister and brother and me will mean that he can come over for a few months and not want to go back!

I think this may be a good way to play it with your son, get him to do the process and then say just come over for a bit and see how you like it then come home and think about it. He will then have the choice as he should have as he is an adult now. With any luck some Canadian girl will fall in love with him and they can be very persuasive you know.

Don't say under any circumstances that you wouldn't go if he didn't. He will have you over a barrel and he will be off in a year or 2 anyway, and there is no guarantee that he will stay local to you anyway.

I hope this helps
Sarah

Almost Canadian

He is old enough to make his own decision. If he doesn't want to go, who are you really to convince him otherwise. It may be a good decision for you, but not for him.

Oink

Maybe he's the one with the right analysis. No point running off to a foreign country if your life is going well and you're content. And compared to the UK, Canada would be as boring as hell for 19 year old.

Alberta_Rose

I agree, he may have a point, even though it will be hard on you if he doesn't go.

If you want to give him room to change his mind though, try to convince him to land with you, so he has the option if he has a change of heart.

It depends on the individual, but some kids are really decided and focussed on what they want for themselves by that age, and others are more easily influenced by other factors (she says diplomatically). Some THINK they know what they want, and then find out that is not what they wanted after all.

My eldest who is 23 has just announced that he no longer wishes to continue with his struggle towards an engineering degree ... even though we've tentatively suggested a change of direction several times through the last few years. It had to be his decision, but I think we are all heaving a huge sigh of relief!

Does your son have a plan of how he'd live there without you? If he's still really dependent on you you have some hard thinking to do, but you shouldn't let him stop you from going if that's what YOU want for yourselves. He is at an age where he could suddenly decide to move out from your hearth anyway.

Auld Yin

My problem now is that my son (who is now 19) is saying he doesn't think he wants to ge, he doesn't see the point, he is happy with his life here, he has had a girlfriend for 15 months as well which is not helping his decision.

But "what is his life here"? Is he on his own, working and totally independent of you? Is he at Uni and lives with you with free room and board? If the former then the decision is easy for both parties. Leave him to get on with his life and face the consequences of his decision as regards emi/immigrating to Canada. If the latter, then what? If he stays in UK going to Uni do you have the financial wherewithal to support him from here? If no, does he appreciate what that entails for him? Perhaps abandoning Uni and finding work.
Tell him to s*** or get off the pot. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold for an adult who's old enough to fight for his country, go to adult prison, smoke like a chimney and drink himself stupid every night of the year.
He's a big boy and personally I wouldn't dilly-dally with him.
(I know I'm just a grumpy old curmudgeon.)

el_richo

^^^
What the old curmudgeon said

Alberta_Rose

Isn't that (kinda) what I said too?

Bramley

You're situation is exactly the same as we were in last year. Our Son changed his mind (aged 19 also) and stayed in the UK and although it was heart wrenching to leave him behind it's been the best thing that could have happened to him...it basically made him get off his back side and grow up. He now has a full-time job, his own flat, runs a car and doesn't need bank of mum & dad anymore. He has the support of family in the UK so we know my parents are keeping an eye on him if he needs help and we're so proud of how much he's achieved.

el_richo

^^^
...and what she said

Oink

I can't imagine forcing emigration on my child or for that, abandoning a child, even a 19 year old, because I wanted to live out some mid-life crisis dream. Creating an ultimatum seems to me quite a cruel option.

Bramley

I suppose if you've never been in that situation it's all to easy to say it's a cruel option. They haven't created an ultimatum, just like we didn't...things change and like most changes in life you have to adapt and make the right decision based on your circumstances.

el_richo

I do feel for the OP. It must be a difficult position to be in.

However, i do like the irony of these predicaments also. The emigrant is more than happy to leave their parents behind while they move across the world, yet as soon as the emigrant's children look to diverge from their life plans...........

On a more serious note to the OP. I would suggest talking your son into at least landing with you with the offer of bringing his young lady friend along for a holiday. That way at least he'll have ~3 years to decide what he wants to do. It might cost you an extra few £ but consider it an investment.