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Supporting my 9 year old!

Supporting my 9 year old!

Old Feb 21st 2011, 5:52 am
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Default Supporting my 9 year old!

Hi

Has anyone got any advice on how to support a 9 year old who does'nt want to emmigrate?
We applied in 2007 and have just recieved our PPR and it has suddenly hit our daughter. She has cried so much and we have tried talking to her, telling her all about skype ect. but nothing is working. Our 11 year old is really excited about the whole thing.

If anyone has experienced this, did you have any good strategies??

Thanks

Michelle
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 7:28 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

I have no advice to offer, I would hazard a guess that she is just really nervous and frightened of the unknown.

Do make sure she understands that you are listening to her and understanding her concerns, my daughter kept it all bottled up as she didn't want to disappoint us and it had led to further problems.

Good luck with everything.
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 8:18 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

I used various techniques.

I think my 9 year olds biggest fear was about losing her old friends.

We tried to make the time moving up to the move as exciting and distracting as possible.

We made a list of things we wanted to do before we would go and went and had fun. We got her focussed on what was happening now and met as a family regularly to discuss how plans were progressing.

We also bribed ours with an electronic device she wanted and then told her how much cheaper the games were in Canada and got her to list which ones she wanted. We got the US versaion of the console and We did our best to distract her fom her fears.

Each child had a scrapbook and their friends were able to write messages and pictures and put their contact details in them.

We arranged a UK phone number before we left which we allowed them to give to their friends. We also put in place a way for them to make calls to the UK.

We let her take her favorite toys and involved her in the planning.

When we arrived we got many calls from her friends back home (some at rediculous hours of the morning). But in time the friends stopped calling and new friends were made. Sometimes she still misses her old friends but this is becoming less and less.
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 9:29 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

Thanks for the reply, that has helped loads!
The main thing as you say is her friends, so we have said before we go we will buy them a webcam so they can link up via Skype and promised them a day out to the cinema and bowling.
It's a scarey time for us, but as you say try and make a happy time.
The bribe thing always works!!!

Don't mean this in a funny way, but it's nice to know others have gone through the same thing.

Thanks again

Michelle
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 9:36 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

Is it imperative that you have to move at the moment?
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 9:45 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

Originally Posted by Oink
Is it imperative that you have to move at the moment?
Oh yes, we have been waiting since 2007, so it's now or never. My husband got made redundant last year and my post with the LA is under threat due to the cuts, so yes we need to go now, should have done it years ago!!
It's just hard when the children are unhappy, but hopefully as children are resilient, they will settle.
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 9:49 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

Originally Posted by 27mich71
Oh yes, we have been waiting since 2007, so it's now or never. My husband got made redundant last year and my post with the LA is under threat due to the cuts, so yes we need to go now, should have done it years ago!!
It's just hard when the children are unhappy, but hopefully as children are resilient, they will settle.
I know it's difficult when you are taking children with you but wouldn't it be better to stay where you are? Is not possible for him to get another job in the UK. Employment is pretty tight here at the moment, especially for immigrants.
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 10:03 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

hi

Originally Posted by Oink
I know it's difficult when you are taking children with you but wouldn't it be better to stay where you are? Is not possible for him to get another job in the UK. Employment is pretty tight here at the moment, especially for immigrants.

I don't know about you, but I don't think that I would allow a 9 year old to make all the family decisions.
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 10:09 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

Originally Posted by PMM
hi




I don't know about you, but I don't think that I would allow a 9 year old to make all the family decisions.
I don't know about you, but I would want to take the needs of my child into account. Just trying to give the OP other options.
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 10:47 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

I really feel for you on this issue...

A move like this is tough on everyone. What about maybe hooking your daughter up with other kids her age that have already made this move?

My daughter is 10 and we moved over in June. She was exactly the same. She now says that she realises that she has not lost her old friends, she has just added to them. She loves it over here and has said that she would never go back to the UK. She has had so many new and amazing experiences since she has been here – she is now a keen fisherman, loves ice skating and will actually be singing ’Oh Canada’ with her school choir at an Ice Hockey game next month. She loves school, and she plays an active role in many school activities.

Skype really has made the whole process so much easier. It will never be the same as 'seeing' each other, but we still share news, gossip and achievements with friends and family on a regular basis.

I guess my advice would be; keep reassuring her, and let her talk about her worries and fears. Let her know that she is an important part of this move; and that you need to know that she is going to be happy about it.

We made a pact with our two kids that if ANY ONE of us were truly unhappy about being here, we would return to the UK. They both know that their happiness is just as important as our wants and needs - and we really mean that.

If she would like to chat to my daughter, just PM me and I will send you our Skype .
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 10:56 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

why not say you wil see how you go and if she really hates it you will talk things over , i am sure she will settle my son was scared too but he loves it here , he settled really fast and only occasionally bothers with old friends now , lol
whereabouts are you moving to ?
good luck i am usre she will be fine tho xx
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 11:17 am
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

Immigrants can settle quite nicely here with their children. I have a friend from Bangladesh who came over with three small children and although it's very expensive to fly back and visit their family, they're resigned to their situation and are all quite happy now.
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 1:06 pm
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

My eldest was 7 when we moved over. We used to tell her about all the exciting things we would all do once we were here which helped. We'd had a couple of trips over beforehand which had helped as it wasn't a compete unknown to her when we made the move. She'd got friendly with a couple of kids over here from our previous trips so she had meeting up with them again to look forward too. And, yes, I admit it, there were bribes too. We promised her a trampoline once we moved as our UK garden was too small to have a decent one and also a hamster as we had to leave the guinea pig behind in the UK! To be fair we've had very few wobbly moments from her and she has settled into life here really well. She too is 9 now and is quite the little Canadian these days! Whereabouts are you moving too?
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 1:55 pm
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

Oh yes - we had this just over a year ago with our 8 year old son. His older sister and younger brother were happy to move but he had said he would refuse to get on the plane. Someone else on the forum here commented that since when did a child make the decision, but like you I'd wanted all the family involved but it was reassuring to be reminded that we are the parents and we have to take decisions for our children that we hope will be in their best interests.

I took my son and his sister to Canada for a few days so he could visit the school he'd be going to and while there we did some child-friendly fun things (bribery!). I think he just had a fear of the unknown - he wasn't particularly close to his friends in Scotland and he's now settled well here in Canada. He has taken longer than the other two to settle and has been the only member of the family to experience homesickness but as time has gone on he has only become happier and more settled - I think it's all just part of his cautious personality. He did say today he wants to become a Canadian citizen though so the signs are good!

Where are you moving to? Let me know if you'd like our children to correspond. Good luck!
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Old Feb 21st 2011, 7:29 pm
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Default Re: Supporting my 9 year old!

Originally Posted by mrsr0binson
I really feel for you on this issue...

A move like this is tough on everyone. What about maybe hooking your daughter up with other kids her age that have already made this move?

My daughter is 10 and we moved over in June. She was exactly the same. She now says that she realises that she has not lost her old friends, she has just added to them. She loves it over here and has said that she would never go back to the UK. She has had so many new and amazing experiences since she has been here – she is now a keen fisherman, loves ice skating and will actually be singing ’Oh Canada’ with her school choir at an Ice Hockey game next month. She loves school, and she plays an active role in many school activities.

Skype really has made the whole process so much easier. It will never be the same as 'seeing' each other, but we still share news, gossip and achievements with friends and family on a regular basis.

I guess my advice would be; keep reassuring her, and let her talk about her worries and fears. Let her know that she is an important part of this move; and that you need to know that she is going to be happy about it.

We made a pact with our two kids that if ANY ONE of us were truly unhappy about being here, we would return to the UK. They both know that their happiness is just as important as our wants and needs - and we really mean that.

If she would like to chat to my daughter, just PM me and I will send you our Skype .
Just wanted to say thank you so much for your advice!
I will PM you and that link might make all of the difference.
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