Hello All,

I just found this site recently, a lot of good advice and observations on here. I'm sorry my first post has to be one of the "downer" types. I'm hoping for some insight into my husband's current state of mind and maybe some advice for helping him move past it.

I am a Canadian married to an Englishman, and we have been living in Toronto for the past 6 months (before that we were in Halifax, my hometown, for 14 months). I sponsored him through the family class process and he received his work permit last June, which is why we moved to Toronto, Halifax having fewer employment prospects. Unfortunately, he has not had any luck looking for work here and has become very depressed, to the point where he is no longer even looking (he last worked as a web developer in the UK but was laid off when the dot com industry crashed in 2001. It doesn't help matters here in Canada that he is entirely self-taught in the IT field, and doesn't have any formal qualifications beside O-levels). He half-heartedly applied to a couple agencies when we first arrived in Toronto for temp work, but didn't even get anything through them. I have tried encouraging him to join some clubs, volunteer, take some additional training or courses, anything to get him out of the house a couple times a week, but he isn't interested.

Now we have reached the point where he is talking about moving elsewhere, but he doesn't seem to know where. He doesn't want to go back to the UK, but doesn't want to stay in Toronto, and still feels that Halifax is too small. I found a good job here and may be in line for a promotion and raise in the next month or two, so I am not keen on picking up and moving elsewhere in the vague hope he likes it better. He seems to hate every place now and is constantly angry about every little thing in Canada. I've read the piece on culture shock and am wondering if it may be partly that, except he has now lived in Canada for almost 2 years. I've offered to go back to the UK if he wants (I lived in London for 2 years, which is where we met), but he thinks England is going downhill and is also not sure on his job prospects there.

Anyway, to cut this down, has anyone else experienced similar frustrations? Is there anything that helped you get over them? I realize he may simply never like Canada, but that still leaves the question of where we could live. Does anyone have any advice for him getting back into job hunting?

Hi Anya,

I really wish I had something more solid to offer than just moral support

I'm not a doctor, and I havent played one on TV, but he sounds like he is really depressed, well past the semi depression of culture shock, I guess that thought has crossed your mind too. I think as long as he is not interested in trying to get a job and get on with life it will be a big problem.

I wish I had some constructive suggestions...what does he like to do..maybe you could sign him up for an indoor soccer league or some other activity that he would enjoy and will get him out meeting people???

To crack the job market he will really need to get canadian qualifications, so maybe he needs to be signed up for night school. I guess you dont qualify for benefitts, which is a shame as they would pay for a years education

Anyway...good luck to you both

Iain

Mr G tells me often that in order to get a job in the IT industry (at least in Calgary) you really need vendor certifications. He needs a computer at home and some books from one of the big chains. Suggest he gets studying and sits those exams.

Good luck

Mrs G

Well this could be the unemployment causing the depression.

http://www.umm.edu/patiented/doc08full.html




He may need to see a doctor as well as have some hope of emplyoment/view of usefulness.

A Friend husband got laid off and after looking not lookng for ages did a course on plumbing, just to get out of the house. Well long story short because he go training post then a job he is way way happier.

http://www.selfhelp.on.ca/start.html this site might be able to help.

Don't take paxil even if offered or rather push by MD.

Paxil Database - http://rds.yahoo.com/S=2766679/K=pax...l.bizland.com/
database of information from people experiencing problems with the drug. Includes accounts of withdrawal.

Definately sounds like he is drepressed to me. I've sent you a PM.

I agree I'm afraid. It's perfectly normal and a lot of us have gone through it. He's gone through such a major change that it isn't unusual to feel dispondent at some point after the move. I was doing great until I got back from a trip back to the Uk in November and it then suddenly hit me what I had done the previous year. My best advice for you is to be patient and understnad how he is feeling. My husband has been great over recent weeks and Im sure I couldnt have got through it without him. Keep us posted how hes doing.

Being out of work in a foreign country is a bit of a kick in the nuts from life ... I've tried looking for work in Toronto and Vancouver and it isn't much fun ... both are really closed markets and its incredibly frustrating.

Calgary isn't that much easier to get into ... I had five years UK oil & gas experience before I got here, plus certifications and a post graduate qualification ... my first job was installing PCs and printers

It's the luck of the draw ... I know people who walked into jobs straight off the plane ... you just have to meet the right people at the right time ... I didn't even apply for my current job, it wasn't even advertised, I was just offered it.

I don't know what the answer is - apart from never give up and don't let the bastards get you down.

If he is clinically depressed then the CMHA (Canadian mental health association) woud be a good sympathetic first stop if you dont want to go to your GP about it, they often run help / crisis intervention lines in the phone book and group help sessions. Progress will be far swifter if you take action than just waiting for things to turn around, or "grinning and bearing it".

I didn't intend my comment to come across as suggesting either.

Sorry, didnt mean to imply you did...just a random quote to maintain continuity in the thread

Could he not try and set up business on his own? I find some pretty awful canadian websites. Then advertise in local papers, magazines etc. maybe search on the web some pretty poor ones and offer to make them better.
Advertise on the web himself. Look for businesses in the yellow pages that don't have a website, and offer to design one start at competitive prices, and word can spread.

It is very easy to feel dejected. I used to work as a Technical Illustrator and when things started all to be drawn by CAD on the computer I found less work. Although I decided to train at Computer aided drawing it was not the same as creating by hand. Gradually schools start teaching this and I did feel on the shelf a bit. However I advertised my "talents" in local newspapers, and got one of the best jobs ever this way,It was completely different to anything I had ever done, but my background enabled me to do it. My boss said he did not really know what sort of person he needed to advertise for as the job was designing luxury inlaid and hand carved carpets for luxury houses private jets, hotels etc. So when he saw my advert and then the CV. he decided to try me.
Once he gets something to get his teeth into, I have no doubt he will spring back. He needs his confidence rebuilding, but until he gets that break it is very, very difficult.
I wish him luck.

Possibly try aiming a new business at new immigrants, or immigrants who have set-up businsess in the past 2-3 years who are looking to upgrade or invent a web presense. A great many immigrants run their own businesses as the Canadian companies we are constantly being told need experience in the respective field and will not hire non Canadians. Move away from them and create your own market within the market. Be blatant as to who you want to work for and why.

Thanks for your replies everyone. I tend to think he is not so much clinically depressed as needing to get his confidence back, which won't happen until he gets some sort of job, even if it's stocking shelves. Besides which, he wouldn't go for the idea of counselling, support groups, etc - they seem a bit too (North) American to him!

The ideas of freelancing/starting his own business are good ones, and I will pass them on to him. He isn't really used to blowing his own horn (a rather British trait, I think!) and might take some practice. I really wish I could help him more in finding work, but I work for the provincial government so hiring decisions are far, far away from my sphere of influence. It is comforting to hear that many others have gone through the same thing, though I think it's terrible how Canada treats new immigrants re: entering the workforce. Frankly, our entire immigration system is a shambles and I have no idea how we convince anyone to stay, but that's another rant.

If you look at the numbers game most must establish a reasonable new life.

A: Because Canada or any country come to that would not leave the door wide open if immigrants only added to the unemployed line - too much pressure and eventually the lid comes off.

B: If all that was found was cleaning tiolets permanantley I would guess folks back home would hear and shy away from that particular country, and try somewhere else. Plenty of countries to choose from.

Here's hoping anyway!

Anya the hardest thing for a man to accept is that the years of experience etc he has built up are worth nothing in a depressed foreign market.

I have been in his position in that I had to take time off for stress caused by a self indulgent manager, and unfortunately whilst I was off, I sat around moping about my misfortune and slowly i became more and more depressed until the point that I was virtually suicidal.

At that point your opinion of your self worth is at its lowest. Your husband needs to firstly seek professional help and get medication to help with his mood swings. He will be quiet most times and at other times he will blow his temper at the smallest provocation and its usually the ones closest to the person that suffer.

Until he realises that his destiny is in his hands, and that, if the wall he keeps coming up against in his career is insurmountable, he has to seek another way around it. He needs to retrain and to analyse what other skills he has (possibly managerial skills, possibly teaching skills) that can be utilised to carve a new career.

He should seriously consider the voluntary sector as it has been said many times on this forums that this is a good way to network, and hopefully his talents will be recognised.

I hope things get better soon, but trust me, sitting at home is dangerous for any person used to working for a living. It is imperative that you get him out of the house and to start getting involved with the world around him.

Incidently moving is just a minor escape and it won't deal with the problems of getting jobs etc.

Good Luck, I hope things go well for both of you.

Edit. I'm sorry just reread your original post, in essence though the advice is still the same, but it seems to me that you might need to approach a couple of charities yourself and then try and talk to him and see if he can just help out for a few hours a week.

Is there any sports activities that you can both get involved in?