Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Jun 20th 2006, 5:12 pm
#16
Assimilated Pauper
Joined: Mar 2005
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Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by Mizz Teapot
Ok I am almost blond 
But please tell me what is a "Scouser"? 
But please tell me what is a "Scouser"? 
Jun 20th 2006, 5:16 pm
#17
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Location: Hubley Nova Scotia
Posts: 113
Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by Mizz Teapot
Ok I am almost blond But please tell me what is a "Scouser"?
But please tell me what is a "Scouser"? One of these
Jun 20th 2006, 5:18 pm
#18
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Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by Mystic Kazza
One of these
Jun 20th 2006, 5:34 pm
#19
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Location: Hubley Nova Scotia
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Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Thievin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues.
The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community
Phil
The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community
Phil
Jun 20th 2006, 6:16 pm
#20
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,715
Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
I love these kind of jokes!
A pic from a Scouse office...
A pic from a Scouse office...
Jun 20th 2006, 6:24 pm
#21
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Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Runcorn, via Africa and parts unknown.
Posts: 2,447
Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by Mizz Teapot
Ok I am almost blond But please tell me what is a "Scouser"?
But please tell me what is a "Scouser"? A Scouser is a very honest, hardworking, cultured person who comes from the home of western civilisation - otherwise known as Liverpool.
Jun 20th 2006, 6:27 pm
#22
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Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by Gray C
Hi
Here is another corny one.
What is the tallest mountain in Liverpool?
- Kilamanforhisgiro
Here is another corny one.
What is the tallest mountain in Liverpool?
- Kilamanforhisgiro
It is also a well known fact that the famous American Indian, Geronimo, had a scouse brother .... Angonamo.
I'll get me coat ...
Jun 20th 2006, 6:32 pm
#23
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 9,606
Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by 1066
I'll get me coat ...
Jun 20th 2006, 6:35 pm
#24
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Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by Souvenir
It's been nicked.
ETA. Karma not sent. Have to spread it about a bit!
Jun 20th 2006, 6:36 pm
#25
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Location: Hubley Nova Scotia
Posts: 113
Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Three Americans and three scousers are travelling by train. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three scousers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch" answers a scouser.
They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three scousers cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Americans decide to copy the scousers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the scousers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch" says a scouser.
When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet and the three scousers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the scousers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
Phil
They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three scousers cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Americans decide to copy the scousers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the scousers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch" says a scouser.
When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet and the three scousers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the scousers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
Phil
Jun 20th 2006, 6:38 pm
#26
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Location: Hubley Nova Scotia
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Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Oh Dear...
man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead. A passing reporter commented: that was ****ing fantastic how you saved that old dears life!, I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Manchester United fan saves granny's life?, "i'm not a Utd fan" replied the bloke. "well how about Man City fan saves granny's life"? said the reporter. "I'm not a City fan either" siad our hero, " I'm from Liverpool". "Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow" said the reporter. The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - SCOUSE BASTARD KILLS FAMILY PET!!
Phil
man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead. A passing reporter commented: that was ****ing fantastic how you saved that old dears life!, I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Manchester United fan saves granny's life?, "i'm not a Utd fan" replied the bloke. "well how about Man City fan saves granny's life"? said the reporter. "I'm not a City fan either" siad our hero, " I'm from Liverpool". "Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow" said the reporter. The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - SCOUSE BASTARD KILLS FAMILY PET!!
Phil
Jun 20th 2006, 6:42 pm
#27
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Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Hubley Nova Scotia
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Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Lordy forgive me...
Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
Because if it walked it would be mugged.
Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:
Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?
Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?
What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
A burglar.
What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.
What do you call a scouser in a suit?
The accused.
If you see a Scouser on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bike.
What do you say to a Scouser with a job?
Big Mac please.
What's long, scouse, and goes around corners?
The Dole queue.
Why is the Anfield Stadium Grass so green?
Because every week Liverpool put millions of pounds worth of shit on it.
What do you call a Scouse woman in a white shell-suit?
The bride
Q: What do you call a Scouse woman who has had 6 abortions ?
A: Crime Prevention officer
Phil
Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
Because if it walked it would be mugged.
Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:
Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?
Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?
What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
A burglar.
What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.
What do you call a scouser in a suit?
The accused.
If you see a Scouser on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bike.
What do you say to a Scouser with a job?
Big Mac please.
What's long, scouse, and goes around corners?
The Dole queue.
Why is the Anfield Stadium Grass so green?
Because every week Liverpool put millions of pounds worth of shit on it.
What do you call a Scouse woman in a white shell-suit?
The bride
Q: What do you call a Scouse woman who has had 6 abortions ?
A: Crime Prevention officer
Phil
Jun 20th 2006, 6:43 pm
#28
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Joined: May 2006
Location: GTeh?
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Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by Mystic Kazza
Oh Dear...
man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead. A passing reporter commented: that was ****ing fantastic how you saved that old dears life!, I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Manchester United fan saves granny's life?, "i'm not a Utd fan" replied the bloke. "well how about Man City fan saves granny's life"? said the reporter. "I'm not a City fan either" siad our hero, " I'm from Liverpool". "Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow" said the reporter. The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - SCOUSE BASTARD KILLS FAMILY PET!
Phil
man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead. A passing reporter commented: that was ****ing fantastic how you saved that old dears life!, I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Manchester United fan saves granny's life?, "i'm not a Utd fan" replied the bloke. "well how about Man City fan saves granny's life"? said the reporter. "I'm not a City fan either" siad our hero, " I'm from Liverpool". "Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow" said the reporter. The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - SCOUSE BASTARD KILLS FAMILY PET!
Phil
Jun 20th 2006, 6:45 pm
#29
Banned
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: In Limbo
Posts: 15,706
Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Originally Posted by Tuppence
Got any lumberjack jokes?
Jun 20th 2006, 6:45 pm
#30
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Hubley Nova Scotia
Posts: 113
Re: Something Light - A Scouser Joke
Groan...
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said
he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said,
"They're gone."
"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
Phil
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said
he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said,
"They're gone."
"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
Phil