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So when does it "get better"

So when does it "get better"

Old Apr 5th 2019, 2:46 am
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by MillieF View Post
For me, this will never be home...but I’m not sure that anywhere will. I’ve never been a fitting in sort of person, and have been very perapetetic....that being said...’finally’ after 6 years I’m starting to feel settled. I still don’t like it here...the food is dreadful but the people are friendly - but often appalling - it’s hard to converse with people who feel that they are very much superior, but are basically thick. Look at the the ‘big picture’ your kids are doing well...somewhere you can find the mental disconnect that allows you to find local interest groups that might help...also realize that you are posting at the end of a long and hard winter...it will end...and things will feel better...but not for a bit! It really is a rubbish time of year and you have to dig to the depths to get through it...it took too much effort to get here...don’t give up! It will get better Go back and remember why you wanted to come here.
Couldn't agree more with the superior attitudes bit either, certainly matches our experience of the places we've lived in the Maritimes.
Perhaps we're just rubbish at picking places in Canada? Or maybe I'm a scumbag magnet? We're serial expats and loved many countries before Canada!

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Old Apr 5th 2019, 2:54 am
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

The food is awful too. Bulk barn is my saving grace.

Still, for many reasons I do believe that we can build a better life here for our Son that we could elsewhere, and that is why we came and why we stay, even when I still long to go back to remote northern Finland. Looking at it like that does mean we're happy with our decision.

It really helps to hold on to your reasons for coming, and to celebrate the small wins and victories, and and successes and progress.

Something I will say though is that I was once told that a family is only as happy as the least happy family member, and that's very true.
We've moved countries several times in the past as one of us wasn't happy there.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 3:03 am
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by raindropsandroses View Post
The food is awful too. Bulk barn is my saving grace.
Agree. We are not food cranks and we LOVE the quality of the beef, but the bread is awful - everything is so sweet - even the bl**dy bread is sweet. We too are saved by Bulk Barn and simple bread flour and a bread maker, so we now make our own bread and pizza base.

I am the 'Canadian' despite not living here since I was a teenager - so even for me, I am still 'adjusting'.

I know my wife is still adjusting and sees pros and cons, but generally pros. Service is waaaayyyyy superior (except in Hudson's Bay) and people are very friendly and more relaxed, as she says 'I Britain, everybody seem in such a hurry to get somewhere and they don't know why'. She is still astounded when car driver patiently let you in to line as though it is the most normal thing in the world.

Sorry, but I love it on the whole and can't wait to start 'touring' in the car and on the motorbike!

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Old Apr 5th 2019, 3:17 am
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by Pulaski View Post
I agree with the others - in truth maybe it doesn't, unless you want it to change. I was lucky, and never really felt at all homesick, though I suffered momentary "episodes" where I suddenly stop and think "How on earth did I, a born and raised Englishman, get here, doing this, at this time? " I still get them occasionally.

It sounds like you need to take a mental inventory of your pros and cons to staying in Canada, and assuming you decide that on balance staying is what you want, then work out what you need to do to make it work for you. Different things work for different people - some take the clean break approach and find new interests and pastimes - maybe skiing or ice fishing, or something else you would never have imagined doing when you lived in the UK, or maybe take up something that reminds you of home (though personally I would think that makes the problem worse, but it seems to work for some people).

This is exactly it, you have to do and pursue things that you could never have done in the UK. For me now, I go snowmobling, skiiing and ice skating in winter......had such a good year on the snow mobile this year I was sad winter was over.....well only a little, but really enjoyed it. Then in summer i go boating, camping and to friends cottages fun packed summer! I could never have done any of this in the UK.... for me I love the contrast of the seasons, it fascinates me....this year we snowmobiled accross a lake that later this year we will be swimming in when on the boat later this year! amazing that one spot can go from minus 30 to plus 30 in the space of a few months and all the different kind of fun it brings.

I do really miss the pub culture in the UK, and the real ale, and the social aspect that comes with it, I am still a big pub goer here, its in my blood, you can take the Brit out of Britain, but not the Britain out of the Brit, at the same time I have took on board Canadian passtimes too.... I am a dual citizen and I do feel like I have the culture from both nationalities which makes me who I am as a person. Of course I miss some friend and family too , but after almost 10 years now, some of them are starting to drop off the radar, their choice not mine.

Thats what made it home for me without forgetting my other home too (UK) , but the big picture is that more things in Canada suit my lifestyle better than what the UK does.

Last edited by Paul_Shepherd; Apr 5th 2019 at 3:21 am.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 5:34 am
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by no good name View Post
Been here 3 years. Still waiting. Waiting for the feeling of disconnection, unconnectedness to go away.. It's still not home. Still want to go home. But, no simple solution to that. My wife and young kids like it here. I'm stuck.
I fell in love the first time I saw the coast mountains from the Skytrain. I went back to Britain, work and friends asked how the holiday had been, and I told them "The official slogan is 'The best place on Earth'. I'm not sure how, but they're underselling it". Some months later when I requested a year's unpaid leave to do my first IEC, my line manager told the person who had to approve it "This isn't an unexpected development". An economics-based return took place for a little while, but I'm so so happy to now be out here permanently.

All of which is to say - your question illustrates your problem. It's simply not true to say that 'it gets better after x amount of time'. If you're not happy, you're not happy. Some people will never have any feelings of 'eurgh' after moving countries. Some people will have them constantly and continually. Lots of people will be somewhere in between, depending on things like why they moved, and if where they moved to meets that.

Canada has given me one of the two worst cities I've lived in - Winnipeg was a match only for London for making me unhappy. Both of those cities have people who can tolerate, or even love them - for me, it wouldn't matter how long I stayed, I wouldn't be happy (and indeed, longer would lead to worse. I can put up with them both for a few days if I have to). My expectations of what I want from somewhere are not met by those places.

Instead of anticipating at what point a switch will flick and your unhappiness will turn to happiness, you need to identify what it is you don't like, and if and how that can be addressed, and whether that means adjusting your attitudes, moving to somewhere a bit different, moving across the country, changing your work or social habits, or if it simply can't be met in Canada (and if so, what if anything you and your family would do about that).
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 12:11 pm
  #21  
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by Rete View Post
You are looking for something that I don't think you will ever find in Canada .... the sameness of being in your hometown in the UK, the same people, the same friends, the same foods. You and your family emigrated for a reason. Has that reason been meet? Do you have the better home? Better employment? More leisure time?

It is difficult to 'let go' of the emotional connection you had with the UK. And no one says that you need to. There is truth in the saying that you can never go home again. If you returned tomorrow, it will be different. Your friends will no longer be there for you as they once before. They have moved on without you. Your family will be happy to see you, but they, too, have settled into a life that doesn't include seeing you daily, weekly, monthly.

I moved three years ago and when I am now will never be considered home in the same way that my former residence is home. I've made some friends. Extended myself and have been accepted by some and rejected by others. I know that the food stuffs that I long for are not available to me here and when I visit my former home, it is starting to feel alien.

I try now never to compare the two places. They are as different as night and day. The culture is not my culture and never will be. I can accept it for what it is, someone else's way of life, and I can adopt some of the nuances of the culture but it will always be foreign to me. And yet, I enjoy what I have. My home, my few friends, exploring new places, etc.

Hope you find your way out of your discontent and start finding that life isn't as bad as you think.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 3:06 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

We went back for a holiday in mid march and had a good time. My parents usually pop over about once a year, and I chat with them and my brother via email or this fancy thing called a "telephone" However, I'd not see my brother, his partner, or my nephew for a few years (2016 I think), so that was really nice. There have been changes where I lived and grew up, but things are pretty much the same. CEBEEBIEs ending at 6pm makes me laugh. The same horrifically politically correct kids shows are still on, and irk me Did find Pop tv for kids, so my son got his fix of voltron.

Did I feel "at home", yes a little. We stay with my parents, in the house where I grew up, so I think it'd be somewhat odd if I didn't feel something.
Bar that, I don't have any overwhelming desire to return.

I'm quite content and happy here, and do consider it my home.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 4:18 pm
  #23  
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by Jimbo2012 View Post
Wow! Is that a Fredericton thing? That certainly doesn't resonate with my experiences.
Nor mine, and I’ve been here 53 years next month.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 6:25 pm
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by plasticcanuck View Post


Nor mine, and I’ve been here 53 years next month.
Or mine, I mean you get some people that are think theyre all that and more, but thats as much in UK as in Canada, for the most part I have met some really great people, and made some lifelong friends, that have been there to help me at every step of the way.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 6:40 pm
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by no good name View Post
Been here 3 years. Still waiting. Waiting for the feeling of disconnection, unconnectedness to go away.. It's still not home. Still want to go home. But, no simple solution to that. My wife and young kids like it here. I'm stuck.
Usually the first 3 years is the best. After that the rose tinted glasses wear off and people want to leave.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 9:56 pm
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

I thought people moved places because they loved it there and wanted to live there, or am I the exception. It sounds cheesy but I always felt at home when visiting BC and hated Britain and hated having to return after a vacation. The people, the lifestyle, the scenery, the food, the seasons, the activities, the houses, the trucks, everything is bigger and better. All the things I love about BC I hate about Britain. So I moved to BC and I consider it my home, I have to go back to england later this year and have no care to do so whatsoever other than to see family and friends. This is my home now and was from the moment I set foot off the plane, and I am glad for it. If you're not happy, life is too short, go somewhere that meets your needs for happiness. If there isnt some such place then perhaps there is a bigger issue.
Reality check EDIT : Ok Ok so it sucks having to work on/take care of my lawn instead of it being green all year round from the plentiful rain in england. I think thats about the only downside.
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Old Apr 5th 2019, 10:28 pm
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by Phaedru5 View Post
I thought people moved places because they loved it there and wanted to live there, or am I the exception. It sounds cheesy but I always felt at home when visiting BC and hated Britain and hated having to return after a vacation. The people, the lifestyle, the scenery, the food, the seasons, the activities, the houses, the trucks, everything is bigger and better. All the things I love about BC I hate about Britain. So I moved to BC and I consider it my home, I have to go back to england later this year and have no care to do so whatsoever other than to see family and friends. This is my home now and was from the moment I set foot off the plane, and I am glad for it. If you're not happy, life is too short, go somewhere that meets your needs for happiness. If there isnt some such place then perhaps there is a bigger issue.
Reality check EDIT : Ok Ok so it sucks having to work on/take care of my lawn instead of it being green all year round from the plentiful rain in england. I think thats about the only downside.
Sometimes people move as a compromise for a spouse, a job or other reasons and may not necessarily want or like where they move to. Unless single, compromises sometimes have to be made with the other people in ones life.

And of course you truly wont know what it's like to live in a country until you actually live in it, some may visit, love it as a visitor over multiple trips, decide to move, then once living here/there/wherever full-time realize its not a good fit for them, you never truly experience what its like living in a country by just visiting. Some people can accept change and adapt better and such as well.

Last edited by Jsmth321; Apr 5th 2019 at 10:31 pm.
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Old Apr 6th 2019, 12:02 am
  #28  
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by BristolUK View Post
May I suggest a trip? Say route 66 in a dodge caravan?

(sorry )
Sounds like a good getaway to me!
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Old Apr 6th 2019, 12:07 am
  #29  
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by no good name View Post
Sounds like a good getaway to me!
Glad you took it the right way. In jokes are fun
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Old Apr 6th 2019, 12:10 am
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Default Re: So when does it "get better"

Originally Posted by no good name View Post
Sounds like a good getaway to me!
My niece and her English fiance' flew London to Chicago and rented a red Mustang convertible (I think a '68 but not positive) to drive to LA, then flew up to Vancouver for the rest of their holiday.
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