so frustrated!
 

Does anyone else struggle to get others in their family to be as interested in emigration as they are?
I am the one driving this in our family, my husband is more cautious and actually I am the one researching, talking to people etc etc. He seems to have very little interest although has been fine about booking the recce trip we are taking in June.
I just wish he was more into this. To me, this has to be a family thing, not something I just want to do.

When I ask him, he agrees that we should look into this and is fine about the recce trip.
Trouble is, its been my dream for years and years and now its possible as I am on the List twice, and we have two small children so for me its even more important.

I just wish he was more supportive. I cant do this on my own and I worry that he will back away more from it and that will be that.:(

Other people seem to be doing the research together equally.

Does anyone else have this issue?

Thanks

Re: so frustrated!
 

I think you assume a lot. I'd do a search - there are plenty of posters that are (or have been) in the same boat. Things can also turn around; the partner who initially was keen, and did all the research, ends up hating living in the new country and the initially passive partner ends up liking it.

I'm doing the majority of the research in our family - primarily because I'm the main applicant and will be the main bread winner when/if we get there. My OH will probably get more serious when/if we actually get visas. I think, in way, it is probably unrealistic to have both partners at the same level of enthusiasm.

Re: so frustrated!
 

I would agree with bodger. It is unusual to have both partners showing the same level of interest/excitement etc.
My husband and I are both very keen, but approach things in quite different ways. He is great with all the paper work and the recce booking etc, but I am the one who is constantly on the 'net' researching and making contacts etc. Think we probably make a good team though and balance each other out so all the stuff gets done. I am much more open about showing enthusiasm and excitement about things,whereas Rob is much more reserved... he just shows it in a different way... which probably keeps me a bit grounded anyway.:sneaky:
I really hope things work out for you. Maybe when you are further down the process and you know for sure whether you are going he may show some more intereset. Anyway, I can understand your frustration and hope all works out for you
Lorna

Re: so frustrated!
 

I have the same problem!

We started talking about emigrating this time last year and it was my husbands idea to look into Canada. The first few days he was doing loads of research - doing the CIC test and looking for job prospects.

Then he stopped and just left it up to me! He has been keen the whole time though but thinks that we can't afford it at the moment. I persuaded him to go for a recce next year, so I'll need to keep on at him to let me book it after Christmas :thumbup:

Re: so frustrated!
 

We were the same. I was the principal applicant, but apart from that I did ALL the leg-work and research, printing off forms etc, and telling OH "sign here".

It bothered me constantly and continued to do so after we arrived. I was afraid I had bull-dozed himself into coming here, that maybe he was just going along with it to keep me happy. I so wanted him to be an equally enthusiastic participant, but I think he was just content to let me do it, and to be frank, I was better at it. :sneaky:

Whenever I found something of interest he'd always come and listen or read without any apparent show of reluctance. I believe (and hope) he is as happy as I am that we came, but I still ask him from time to time ...... he's never been the best at really saying what's on his mind, and it's often-times hard to be a mind-reader! :unsure:

Re: so frustrated!
 

if you submit a photo i will happily guide you around when you land and you can leave him in the UK. open invite to others on this thread too, feel free to all come at the same time.

Re: so frustrated!
 

I am so tempted to make a smutty joke just now :lol:

Re: so frustrated!
 

Oi you...gutter, mind out of. :sneaky::p:D

Re: so frustrated!
 

:o:p

Re: so frustrated!
 

I would wait until you've done the recce trip you're planning. Once he sees Canada in all its glory, he'll be signing on the dotted line I'm sure.

Best of luck and enjoy your trip

Re: so frustrated!
 

UNLESS his first experience of Canada is (scr)Okotoks

Re: so frustrated!
 

that was a deliberate pun i was going to elaborate on then i remembered the audience and knew it would not be necessary.

Re: so frustrated!
 

I'm sorry....have I missed something? :confused:

Re: so frustrated!
 

The bowl? Supper? My birthday?

Re: so frustrated!
 

I was unethusiastic about it when we were considering coming, even once we submitted our application.

I guess it depends on how you are getting here, work transfer, skilled worker etc. which will determine how long you have to think about and research the things you want before knowing if you are actually making the move.

We waited 3 years for our SW application to go through, which is why I was not really fussed while my wife was always looking at stuff on the web about where to live etc.

My thoughts were that we pretty much knew we were going to move to Toronto and that when we actually got the decision, we would have to take a few months to get everything in order to leave during which time we could do what reasearch was feasibly possible without actually being there.

As far as recce trips go, what can you actually get done in such a short time? Except meet with potential employers.

I would guess the time to actually meet with potential employers is when you have your decision and know you are moving so if any oportunity does present itself, you are in a position to act on it instead of telling someone you will get back to them once your immigration status is resolved.

So to sum it up, I was fairly indifferent until we actually got the letter telling us we could bring in our passports to get the Visas put in.

Re: so frustrated!
 

I visited Okotoks on the way from Calgary through to the BC Rockies and other than a nice Chinese meal, i wondered what all the fuss was about.

Re: so frustrated!
 

That's weird. I've just read a message from your husband...

Does anyone else struggle to get others in their family to be as interested in remaining in the UK as they are?
My wife is the one driving a move to Canada, I'm more cautious and actually she is the one researching, talking to people etc etc. She seems to have very little interest in what i want although i'm fine about booking the recce trip we are taking in June as i see it as a nice holiday and who knows, i may just enjoy it.

I just wish she was more into the UK and the excellent life it can offer. To me, a move to Canada has to be a family thing, not something she just wants to do.

When she asks me, I agree that we should look into this and i'm fine about the recce trip. Mainly as a way to not disappoint her and ruin my sex life.
Trouble is, its been her dream for years and years and now its possible as she is on the List twice, and we have two small children so for her its even more important. Not for me, but i think she's a little blinkered to what i want at the moment.

She wants me to be more supportive yet i wish the same for my wants too.

Does anyone else have this issue?

Thanks
;)

Re: so frustrated!
 

I think you will find it is just down to the individual. In our situation, we are both committed to making this work, it just happens to be that I am the "planner" and my OH is the "I'll leave it till tomorrow" type. Therefore it is me who is doing all the leg work at the moment, all the researching, gathering info and putting the plan together. But I keep my OH informed on what I am finding out.

As long as you talk things through and make sure your OH knows how you feel, then you should hopefully get the support you need, or at least find out how committed they are to the move.

I hope it all works out for you. :fingerscrossed:

Re: so frustrated!
 

Thanks everyone, its so nice to hear that I am not the only one in thi situation

Re: so frustrated!
 

:rofl:

Re: so frustrated!
 

Thanks for this view Lorna, I am hoping that you are right. Its good to know that others have a similiar situation.

Re: so frustrated!
 

Thanks Alberta Rose
One of my worries is the bulldozing him into it bit.... I am hoping that the recce trip will be the answer. and in the meantime do we take the risk to not start the process before June? I worry that the criteria will change between now and then.....

Re: so frustrated!
 

My OH has just been reading this thread and he was laughing saying how he was quite happy to sit dormant at the moment watching me doing never ending (and probable irrelevant research) as it keeps me happy and shuts me up for a while! :frown:
But what I have noticed is.... when the 'grown up' paper work and form filling in is required he sticks on his 'superman pants' and jumps up like a spring board getting it all organised. Then he shoves papers in front of my nose to sign... and mutters something about how wonderful he is :rolleyes:and how none of it would get done without him....I then have to congratulate him and make all the correct noises to boost his manliness.... then he crawls back into the garage to remain dormant till the next stage of application comes through.
Seems to work quite well for us though:lol:

Re: so frustrated!
 

:thumbup::thumbup::rofl:

Re: so frustrated!
 

Quite frankly if you're the only one in the family that is pushing the emigration thing maybe its not what your family wants, he's probably just trying to placate you hoping you'll try of it. It sounds a bit unrealistic that the rest of your family want to go and live in somebody else's country, they're probably happy where they are. Maybe you should look at why you want to go and not force your personal issues on your family.

Re: so frustrated!
 

Seems to me you are making huge assumptions here. The "two small children" will most likely not be old enough to object to the move, and likely will be happy wherever their parents are happy, and you know nothing about how her husband feels or what he might hope. :blink:

Re: so frustrated!
 

Well I think I can infer quite a lot from her post.

"He seems to have very little interest"

"Does anyone else struggle to get others in their family to be as interested in emigration as they are?"

"I just wish he was more into this."

"I just wish he was more supportive."

"Trouble is, its been my dream for years and years"

"One of my worries is the bulldozing him into it"

Re: so frustrated!
 

Actually this sounds like MY husband - however he was the one who initiated moving to another country as he wants to 'get out' of the UK, but is doing nothing so assist the process (and in fact I am the principal applicant and get no points at all for him!), and is happy for me to do all the hard work. therefore Oink, do not assume anything:frown:

Re: so frustrated!
 

to the original poster, have you all been to Canada before? maybe a trip might be a good idea first? he may end up loving it and you hating it or vice versa and so on.....

Re: so frustrated!
 

Yet you assume the OP is in the exact situation as yourself.

Unfortunately, unless you're a rare poster who knows other posters in reality, threads similar to this will mainly have replies based on assumptions with the information given.

Maybe, T-Pot, your husband had a bad few weeks in his life and is now in a better place where a move to another country isn't high on his list any more? I do feel for you and others who's partners/family are split with regards to their wants and needs such as emigrating. Hope it all works out.

Re: so frustrated!
 

it will always be tough if one person has their heart set on moving and will do anything to make the move including leaving their partner, or both may initially go and one will love it and one will hate it and return on their own or both may stay in Canada but the other may be miserable forever, or both may hate it and return with a few months and lots of money down the drain, good jobs gone, house sold, comfortable lifestyle out of the window just because one person in the relationship wasnt bothered and the other wanted this more than anything..........

My advise is you both have to be commited to this 110% and want it together because if one is not bothered than it will cause alot of problems and immigrating is not easy.

Re: so frustrated!
 

Its interesting to hear all types of replies to this and to be honest I was asking for feedback whether its what I want to hear or not. Its also hard to write down a whole 10 years relationship into one post and explain the ins and outs of the whole thing. Rest assured, my OH will not ultimately be pushed into anything. Hes way more stubborn that I am.
I was most keen to see if anyone else felt that they were doing all of the work and to see if they had doubts as to if its going to happen at all, given this.

OH hates the UK, hes in the police so sees the rough side all the time. If he could live in Florida he would be there in a shot but thats because he knows the place. Hes not very good when he has not been somewhere, hence the recce trip...amongst other reasons of course.

I have been to Canada and loved it, to me its quite like America but much much nicer. what Nova Scotia is really like I wait to see.

Thanks for all your input everyone...

N

Re: so frustrated!
 

Not trying to play devil's advocate here, but has he been there between May and September? Its as ******g hot in the summer as Canada is cold in winter.

Re: so frustrated!
 

Thanks, but I don't see where the whole split thing comes in, I'm sorry if my post was slightly misleading....

Re: so frustrated!
 

Yes we have been there at that time, and in a Hurricane. Its the space and the people that we like the most, and I am not referring to those at Disney but rather the locals. We have friends there that we stay with so we are lucky:D

I like hot and cold, all is good for me