Serious about going back
 

Only been here for 5 months, and now even OH is fed up.

Have tried to stick it out and realise lifestyle is better but...
12 yr old is getting depressed,at least 3 pieces of homework every night,
children don't do anything apart from extra curricular activities they never hang out,
trying to mix with locals and just get empty gestures of we will have to...,
was promised lots of support and help from OH company- it never happened I ended up doing most of it,
still waiting for my certificates to be assessed so I can get a job,
OH hasnt been warm for 2 months - he hates the cold.

BUT

do we go back to the doom and gloom of UK
rising taxes
general lethargy

ARRRGGHH!!!!!!!!!

Rock and a hard place.
Some general advise would be appreciated.We have had this down before, but it doesn't seem to get any easier.Is it worth it????:unsure:

Re: Serious about going back
 

I don`t understand what you are saying about the kids. Are you saying kids only participate in extra curricular activities and don`t hang around street corners? If so, I would think that this is what you are after isn`t it?

I always thought that English kids were way in advance of their Canadian peers, so would think that the homework issue wouldn`t be one.

I hope things get better for you soon:D

Re: Serious about going back
 

Stick it out, at least till summer. Remember the reasons why you came in the first place, get out of it what you came for.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Nooo kids don't hang with each other without adult supervision, even a trip to local store, or friends houses etc.

UK is way more advanced than here, so issue isn't level but amount, and sitting till 9pm every night doing homework is not what we came here for.I have asked about and its very common. I'm a Teacher and even I see a need for a life balance.

Thanks anyway.

Re: Serious about going back
 

I can understand about the homework, one of my boys is 11 so nearly the same age and he doesn't get much here in the UK. We make him work for an hour every evening, whether he has homework or not which should be good practise for when we get to Canada.
Regards clubs, sounds good to me as at least they're not messing around in the street or making a nuisance of themselves in shops as a lot of them do over here!
Not sure what to say about the homesickness. I'm still all positive about our impending move to Canada but I'm sure a lot of people will agree that it takes a couple of years to really feel at home somewhere - I should know I've already lived in 3 different countries!!

Good luck. The UK is not all bad but the grass is always greener... :wink_smile:

Re: Serious about going back
 

How about your child joining a couple of clubs - or signing up for hockey? It would be a way of socialising more, and would give you the opportunity to meet other parents too.

http://www.cg.cfpsa.ca/cg-pc/Edmonto...LL%20GUIDE.pdf

http://www.saycc.ca/ActivityCentre.html from grade 7 to age 17 (it looks pretty good).

For you...

ST. ALBERT NEWCOMERS CLUB
St. Albert, AB Canada
Welcome Committee: Shelley (780) 419-2595
Welcome Committee: Judy (780) 459-6441

Welcome Ladies! Come and join us if you have moved to St. Albert within the past three years. Our active club provides an immediate opportunity to meet new friends, get involved in social activities and help make St. Albert feel like home. Regular dinner meetings take place on the 2nd Tuesday of every month at the Cornerstone Hall on Tache Street in a friendly and welcoming atmosphere. Sub-club activities range from cocktail/drinks evening for couples to Book Club and Mom's & Tots groups. There's something for everyone!

Go to O’Maille’s Irish Pub, 104, 398 St Albert Rd, St Albert AB 780-458-5700 and see if there are expats there.

In all honesty, I think you have to be the one to make the first move when trying to arrange to meet up with people.. rather than waiting for them to arrange a date, ask if they would be free on xyz day to come over for coffee / a party / whatever! If there is a particular friend your child has made at school, get their phone number and call the parents and ask if the friend can come over on the weekend. Find out what sports his friends play and go and watch it with him - hockey is particularly good for parental interaction!

Does your child's school have anyone you could talk to with regards to the homework? Could it be that he/she is having to finish work that should have been finished in school? The first thing to do is to ascertain what homework is required/expected and what is surplus. Go and see his teacher and explain how it is affecting him/her - they may cut it down a little.

It's early days.. give yourself time...

If you think it's cold now, wait until winter is here :ohmy:

:)

Re: Serious about going back
 

5 months is a dangerous time to make any decisions, factor in winter and its even more perilous.

Give it more time. Join some clubs, go along to some of those extra curricula activities, try and immerse yourself in what canadians do, or explore the local scene for things that interest you. If you dont ski or skate, then give it a go, find some lessons. Dont sit around getting depressed and pining for your old life.

If life still sucks after a year or 18 months then its worth taking some action, but at 5 months the honeymoon is over but things wont have fallen into place yet unless you are really lucky.

I wish my kid got homework every night, most of the time she has nothing (in grade 3) as she finishes all her work in class.

Re: Serious about going back
 

I've felt the same way, and I've spent half my life between Canada and Scotland. So its possible to feel homesick even though you know the place and people well. I don't have kids though so can't really compare on that side of things.

I know its hard, and it possibly seems like the easiest thing to just say sod it, and pack everyone up and go back to what's familiar. I agree with the others though - try to give it a bit of time....if you can. Its a tough time of year, winters coming in, Christmas is coming up and you feel like all of your extended family are so far away, and what have you done.

I think its probably difficult for you too as you are waiting to get your qualifications approved before you can work. I have found that moving as an adult, a lot of the people you make friends with are through work or your kids. And if you're not working, and your kids haven't got settled into activities or a good group of friends, this can make you feel more isolated.

Its different for everyone - and I certainly wouldn't try to tell anyone what to do in this situation, but I would urge you to try to hang on til you've let the dust settle a bit, enjoy a summer and see how you feel.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Give it a year and keep plugging away.

Re: Serious about going back
 

How about trying another City in Canada? Where in the UK were you living before?

Re: Serious about going back
 

I'd either go back to the UK or move somewhere that's not in the middle of nowhere and isn't freezing for half the year. They should only give 30 mins of homework for intermediate grades in Vancouver. Plus, there iare growing calls for no homework at all until the later stages of high school.

Re: Serious about going back
 

My youngest are 7 and 10. Most evenings they are out with their friends riding their bikes, playing, skating, sledding etc. At weekends we only see them at feeding times. All the little 'uns where we live do the same.

Our`s do they share of supervised sports as well, but kids need to be kids. I have to admit, you are the first person I have ever heard say such things about Canada. Most newbies wax lyrical about how kids here are like they remember their childhood being.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Slightly OT but one of my albertan friends has a 6 year old who is currently getting around an hour and a half of homework per night.

6 years old.

I'm sure it depends on the school though.

Re: Serious about going back
 

My sentiments exactly, kids need to be kids, and that's what he used to do in the UK.He never goes out here, and I think he is depressed.There aren't any children to be seen anywhere, only in their homes doing homework or getting ferried to a club.Even the local skate rink is empty.He told me that kids get grounded if they happen to do a little badly at school or the Teacher complains there work was late etc.Not my idea of raising children.:thumbsup:
Anyway I think we are going to go home, my son needs an outdoor environment and friends to be with.Thank you for all your support

Re: Serious about going back
 

Thought about that but hubbys work is here so not an option.
In the Uk we were from North East beach in front of us and North Yorkshire Moors 20 mins away.Small community and family.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Thats disgusting!!!!

Re: Serious about going back
 

I have never heard of such things.

Our kids go to a regular school. Of course, being English it goes without saying that they are top of their class. :p

One wonders if it is the school they are at. Did you choose to put them into a school that guarantees to turn all its students into rocket scientists.

My 7 year old is told to read each night that's about it. Our 10 year old gets the odd piece of homework but nothing that keeps her from staying out most evenings. Time to change school me thinks;)

Re: Serious about going back
 

I would agree with other posts that 5 months may seem hardly enough time to get your self into a new way of thinking and life. One of my boys was depressed for a short while when we got here, but we were very supportive ( I am NOT saying that you are not) and he now is enjoying school and socialising a lot more now. We had taken them away from everything they knew and that was a culture shock in itself.

On the other hand, some friends of ours moved back to the UK after 6 months in Nova Scotia and have never been happier about moving back. I think it;s a decision that you need to go over carfeully, make sure it's not a knee jerk reaction to feeling home sick (?). Though having read your last post, it seems that your mind is made up no matter what other posts might say. Ultlimately, it is your families decision.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Kid is in French Immersion.

Ironically my friend is also a teacher and doesn't agree with the amount of homework. They don't make her do it. She suspects, as apparently the school is in a more wealthy area, that the homework comes out of the need to meet parental expectations not from the beliefs of the teachers.

But yeah, not a fan.

Re: Serious about going back
 

It'd be a shame to see you leave already, but you know what's best for you and your family. All the best with whatever you decide, and hope we get to see you at another meetup before you go (if you go!):thumbsup:

Re: Serious about going back
 

They didn't tell us they would guarantee, but have since found out that 80% + is what they expect, otherwise they advise doing the grade again.Yes its in a wealthy area, and not bothered about parents expectations,Im bothered about my sons sanity.

Re: Serious about going back
 

I'd worry about your own first.

Re: Serious about going back
 

You are DEFINITELY in the wrong area. Our kids play with friends in the street every day and have 'play dates' at each others houses. I have never heard this negative side from anyone who moved to Canada either. I understand about missing people. If I could ship all my family and friends over I would in a heartbeat and it would be perfect. We live on Vancouver Island and LOVE it! BTW, we have been here for 5 1/2 months.

I honestly think that it is too early to make a decision. For me, I wouldnt want to remove my kids from Canada with doubts - at least until they have rights to return and live here when they are older (ie Citizenship). At least if they have the realisation when they are old enough to appreciate the move that they wished they could have tried it longer, they have that opportunity to return.

This is just me talking about how I feel - even on my darkest days where I miss people so much, I couldnt turn back now.

It sounds like you have made your decision though and not sure that it could be changed! Good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: Serious about going back
 

I no how you feel the first year for us was absolutly pure hell . marriage almost broke up, totally depressed ,daughter cried every night because girls in class were bitches to her ,had family and so called friends promise to helpus in everyway and nobody did. But now year later it has brought us so much closer ,we still have down days but we no how what its like were there for each other and its so much nicer . My advice to you is stick with it it is worth it ,it does get better and try plan things to do in the weekend and try find british people to go for drinks and to meet with .

Re: Serious about going back
 

It sounds like you have your son in a private school?

I can't for the life me think of a public school i.e Edmonton Public School Board saying that if you get less than an 80% in a grade you should repeat. It just doesn't happen.

Perhaps your son would be happier in a public school setting.

Re: Serious about going back
 

We live in St Albert and love it,been here 2 1/2 yrs now. We looked at all the areas around and found st albert to be the most family friendly, our 4yr old has a busier social life than we do!!

He is always having party invites, play dates ect, halloween night we went out with another family trick or treating, his fun came from ringing the bell, wearing the costume and having fun with the 60 plus other children out that night, (He only covered three streets)

As for things to do, we find there are so many events gong on we do not have time to do them all, St albert is great and being only 10 min's away from Edmonton and all that has to offer means we can pick the best from each area.

We are due a return trip back to the uk next year, as my wife will be off work we have talked about her going back for a month and i join her later for a few weeks, the thing that puts her off is just how will she keep a 4yr old entertained when back for so long without breaking the bank. here we have clean parks to play in and have picnics, lots of free events to attend, yet back in the uk we will have one park with broken equipment, dog mess and dirty pavements everywhere, no swimming pool as the uk council could not afford to run it anymore, expensive public transit, (not free like it is at weekends in st albert in the summer)

This summer in the st albert/edmonton area the weather has not been the best it can be (still much less rain than uk) yes winters can be cold but really, your house is warm, you can pre heat your car so it is warm when you get in, you can pick up your coffee from inside your warm car, underground parking is warm, pedways linking one shopping area to another are warm, public transit stop links to public buildings are enclosed and warm and if you go out to play in the snow you can wrap up warm so being cold is more a option you can choose rather than have forced on you.


Stick it out, you are in an area of canada most people would gives their right arm for, you have gone through a lot to make it here, thousands never even get their paperwork sorted to move to canada let alone make the big move, you are living in a sought after country in a sought after area, you have a family around you, your health, some work and you have a good educational background, you have so much going for you, the only thing holding you back is yourself. Give Canada a chance and Canada will take a chance on you.

and if you are ever stuck about what to talk about to a canadian, ask them about coronation street, crazy canuks can not get enough of it, go figure

Re: Serious about going back
 

I think if it were me I would look into changing schools and possibly moving to a different area in St Albert - it appears that your child is possibly struggling with the french immersion and may be better off in a normal school.

Being in a different school environment could make such a difference, s/he may even enjoy Canada then!

Have you considered trying to find a different area to live (in St Albert) - one where people are friendlier and more welcoming? "Upmarket / wealthy" areas are all well and good but sometimes going somewhere where people are more down-to-earth can make a heap of difference.

As there are other people in the forum from that area, why not get in touch and do some research to see if this is feasible?

It is hard starting over for both parents and children, but please try an alternative before going back - Canada is a wonderful place for children and offers so much potential.

Take care...

:)

Re: Serious about going back
 

I think you have hit the nail on the head its the environment.Maybe thousands would give their right arm to be here, but I gave it a go and it didn't work.
I'm not used to small parks and lots of roads with overkill of activities and no children playing out.I come from a small village right on the beach with the moors in the background.That's what my son is missing, not that he doesn't want to do activities he has three each week, but he misses playing out with friends.Children seem very guided here, and I don't want that, nor for that matter does he.
I'm not upset, in fact its made me realise what a great place we had in the UK,guess we didn't appreciate it enough.There was no choice in coming here, OH work is here, so we cant move, only back home.
BUT each to their own, I just want my son to have a childhood.Not to be drowned in homework and activities:thumbsup:.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Hi,
There is no French in the school, in fact they don't do Languages or RE.
I'm a Teacher, and not catering for different levels,even in one class, tells me this system is seriously lacking.I don't know where the rest of the world get the impression from that Canada has a fantastic eduction system(even the states are above them).Anyway I digress, my child's emotional health and happiness are more important than anything else.It really does get to you when you see a happy go lucky child with a brilliant sense of humour, then one day the lights gone,NOT GOOD.

I do appreciate all the help and advise,
but in our circumstances things wont change.We don't fit in here.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Were there a lily gilding award this would a strong contender.

Re: Serious about going back
 

my kids are 7, 11 & 13 and dont get as much homeowrk as they did back home and ceratinly dont get homework every night,,in fact i dont think they get enough so i dont know what schools your kids are in because if they are in public schools i assume they are in the same system as mine???

Re: Serious about going back
 

Thats what else I miss the sense of humour.I knew there was something!!!!!
:rofl:

Re: Serious about going back
 

I know what you mean...good luck taichiiqueen

Re: Serious about going back
 

As others have mostly said: your experience is NOT the norm. And you're right to be concerned about your kid's happiness in that environment.

However, our son never appeared to have hours of homework (in Calgary). That said, I don't think he really worked much at all, ... did the bare minimum (or less) ... but now he has got his act together more and is upgrading his grade 12 subjects.

He never had a problem making friends and they'd hang out at the mall or go skating/street or ice hockey, and now snow-boarding/skiiing, and camping trips now they are older. Right from the start it seems he was having sleepovers at friends' houses or here.

However, your mind is made up, so you do what you have to do. I just didn't want newer readers thinking that was necessarily what to expect.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Yes, I agree it takes a long time to settle in and 5 months (without experiencing your first winter) is the wrong time to make a decision to go back home. You have to give it at least 2 years to know for sure, come the spring and summer I'm sure you will be getting lots of visitors.

As for schools, homework, and kids being kids...my kids don't get too much homework (same as comment earlier, they get most of their work done in the classroom). They have lots of friends at school, and see them out of school for playing outside or sleepovers at our house, or at their friends. The winter never puts them off playing outside either, they ski, sled, ice-skate, snowball fights, and snow fort building.

I can't believe how much homework you are saying they get....crazy, have you tried talking with the teacher - I'm afraid that is one thing I would not put up with...you have to let them have fun once they are out of school.

I hope you change your mind and give it a good go.....

Re: Serious about going back
 

I am also puzzled on the levels of homework. Taichiiqueen, how old is your son? I believe to pass the grade you have to have an average of 50% - that would be a kid that struggles really (imo).

My kid, 15, grade 10 is doing SOME IB subjects - she found full IB a bit much with some of her other issues she is having so chose to cut down - saying that she has just switched from a regular subject next semester to IB Japanese:eek: - I really can't help on that one if she gets stuck:rofl: Anyway - she gets very little homework, quite often it's just finishing off what she didn't manage in class or reading. I do believe she could put a little more effort in, especially revising at exam time but that's just me (and her Dad).

We do see kids playing in the streets, the ice skate rink is not used too often, I think parents rely on organised activities around here, if you have a boy then it seems to be imperative that they go to hockey school, they all seem to want the next mega famous hockey player in the family, girls do dance. It does amaze me how much time some parents spend going here and there dropping kids off one place picking up at another to drop off at another a little like a status symbol I suppose, my kid is in a,b and c! What's yours in?

Anyway, you know if this whole thing is going to work for you, I remember being on cloud nine for the first 3.5 years, the last 9 months or so I have been wondering if it was all really worth it - the goal posts we were aiming for have moved drastically and I have given up, if I knew it would be like this I would have stayed where I was BUT I do love living here, it's just the circumstance I don't like.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Apologies, for some reason I got the impression your son was doing french..

I still think that looking at an alternative place for him to go to school and for you to live in St. Albert would be a good idea, I was not suggesting moving to a different town (I realise your husband's work is in St Albert), just moving within it.

I have to admit, it suprises me that none of the children where you are living "play out" or hang.. I have never heard of that happening elsewhere, mostly the children have a very active social life (not just organised activities) which is why I think moving to another neighborhood would probably make a huge difference to all your lives.

It's an adjustment period for all of you, but you really need to embrace and explore the new life instead of hankering after the old - 5 months is not a lot of time really. Having said that, maybe an emigrants life is not for you.

Are you thinking about and remembering all the bad things about the UK which made you leave in the first place?

Whatever your decision, I wish you well... and the very best of luck... and happiness.

Take care.

:)

Re: Serious about going back
 

I think the OP doesn`t want to admit the part the parents have played in the schooling issue in which their son finds himself.

If one wants to keep up with the Joneses, one is going to have to accept such stuff. As I said above, and as others have confirmed, "regular" kids have no such issues.:p

Re: Serious about going back
 

Posters are focusing on the school issue, but I am not sure that this is at the heart of this matter.
People often use reasons related to their children as justification for their choices because everyone will naturally sympathise (the OP should know this as a teacher;)), but this just doesn't really ring true here. The homework issue could be resolved relatively easily - talk to the teacher or the school, even move schools if necessary (it's not like he's been there long, so it isn't a huge wrench) and the whole school and social scene is certainly not representative of what other posters have experienced.
The OP also says her husband's work is there and so they can't move location, except back to the UK. Is this saying that he can't get another job in his field anywhere in Canada. Really? Would it be any easier for him to get a job back in the UK in this current dire economic climate?
I don't have any problem at all with someone deciding they have made a mistake to emigrate and deciding that they want to go home, but I don't think it is healthy to burden the son with being the motivation behind this change of heart. There is clearly much more behind this decision.
I wish the whole family the best of luck whatever they decide to do- certainly the North York Moors area is beautiful and living in a small village myself, I understand how lovely it can be living in a rural environment in the North.
Rushing the decision to return might just be a knee jerk reaction to leaving such a fine environment before they have had time to find what Canada really has to offer.

Re: Serious about going back
 

Actually OP, does realise the part we have played that's why we are getting the hell out of here.In UK we lived in a relatively affluent area but they let their kids be kids.There was no keeping up with the Jones(and prescribing to that disgusts me, hence why my son is not in Hockey club etc, and that was his choice his not his interest).

I am a Teacher and I have recently found out, first hand not from the internet about classroom practise over here and the UK are years ahead.They don't even assess in the classsroom for gods sake.

'Regular kid', what is that? Well over here it means that your life is very prescribed and controlled to make it easier for a parent to have as much time to themselves as possible.I want a relationship with my son and for him to be happy; NOT to be able to say to the Joneses 'my son does x y and z and ten time more than your son'. Ridiculous attitude, poor kids.BTW if you had read my posts the reason we are going back is I want to see the spark back in my sons eyes, not a walking zombie.
:ohmy: