To old or not to old
 

Hi all
I have been offered a job in Canada.
my problem is my wife at the age of 54 thinks she is to old to immigrate.
does anybody think she is correct. Our children are grown up so she will be home alone.

Re: To old or not to old
 

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...light=POLL+AGE

Mixed bag of reviews.

There was a more recent poll asking how old we were when we emigrated but cant seme to find it.

Re: To old or not to old
 

I could be wrong...but I think the older one is the more difficult it is to put one's past life behind you and settle. IMO it also depends on how flexible one is...can she easily adapt to major changes? If you are leaving children and perhaps grandchildren behind in the UK...I think that could be extremely difficult for your wife to deal with.

What I found the most difficult about moving from the UK to the US was...my old life. The everyday stuff...the life I had been living for decades...the life I had taken for granted...all of a sudden that was all gone.

Re: To old or not to old
 

Have you seen this thread from earlier today? Iaink's post (no. 7) may be rather pertinent - http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=789746

Re: To old or not to old
 

Much depends on the philosophy, attitude and determination of the individual so there is no "one size fits all" answer to this question. Personally I don't think 54 is too old. However, the fact that your wife thinks she is too old may be an indication that her heart is just not in it.

Has she travelled much? Has she ever lived in another country? Is she so set in her ways and happy in the UK that a move is going to be a major problem? Is she close to friends and family in the UK? What is she going to do in Canada? Is she outgoing? Makes friends easily? These are the questions only you and your wife can answer.

Re: To old or not to old
 

To me the answer is simple. You are never too old for an adventure.

Re: To old or not to old
 

Hi Terry, I was 51 when we moved over in June. we left 2 young adult men behind and it broke my heart! We came here for an adventure and early retirement ( both work 2 days a week). My husband loves it here, unfortunately - I do not! personally, I can't settle. I go to work with a smile on my face, we have a lovely home, we are comfortable but..... I would advise your wife to be open minded and if she doesn't work to get a hobby! 54 is NOT too old at all, but she may struggle as I have to feel accepted! I have promised to stay here for a year but after that - a new dawn?? hope that's not too negative? Glyn

Re: To old or not to old
 

Never too old unless you think you are.

A 54 year old could have more than 40 years left. Life is hardly over. Why not do something different in the last half of it?

Re: To old or not to old
 

Terry,
We came over last year, aged 50 and 54 respectively. We both seem to have settled in fairly well and have started making new friends in Calgary. My wife misses her family more than I miss mine, but she's still glad we came over and Skype is a wonderful way to keep in touch (not the same as being there but pretty good). My wife is going back to the UK to see her family later this year (we'll have been here about a year when she goes back), whereas I'm not planning to go back for a while, so we sort of deal with her 'home sickness' (if that's the right word) in that way.

I think the bottom line is if she is committed to coming out and giving it a go there's a reasonable chance it will work. If not it probaby won't work. I was very careful to make sure that my wife could say No without feeling that she was holding me back.

One caveat is that we don't have any kids (either grown up or still at home) & I think it would have been a lot harder to leave any kids and grand kids behind if we'd had them.

Good luck
Y

Re: To old or not to old
 

I don't think age is the most important factor. Emigrating is very hard even if you are both 100% behind the move. We both were but it's not been easy. There have been times when if I could have got on a plane I would have - especially in the first 6 months.

If her heart is not in it then I think she will struggle big time....

:)

Re: To old or not to old
 

Come on. Even if she doesn't smoke or is not around smokers, life expectancy would be mid 70s at best. So do you want to live your last 15 to 20 years without family and friends?

Re: To old or not to old
 

It sounds harsh but I agree.

Re: To old or not to old
 

On one end of the scale, I want to say "you're never too old to try anything new", but on the other end, other members here make valid points against immigrating at that age.

Since I immigrated as a (relatively) young person, I'm inclined to agree that it is much easier when you're young, in terms of forming roots, integrating and being open to a different culture. Older immigrants from all countries seem much more stubborn and unwilling to let go of the culture of the country they are from.

The family and friends aspect is also very important. If your Wife has been happy in the UK for 54 years then perhaps it doesn't make much sense to immigrate at this point. Another thing to consider is things like healthcare in the future, although many provinces do offer decent convalescent/after care for the elderly it is still grossly underfunded and short-staffed, at least it is here in BC.

That being said, if you want to give it a shot, go for it, just don't completely move all your belongings etc. until you're sure it's the right choice.

Re: To old or not to old
 

my parents are in their 50's and have both told me they'd move here in a heartbeat!

Re: To old or not to old
 

That's a little different...perhaps your parents are in the same position as us. Also visiting somewhere and living there are two totally different things.

We have lived the US for 17 years. Always thought we would go back to the UK to retire. Our only child went to uni in Toronto...got a job there and is now married to a Torontonian. The last thing I want is to be so far away from my daughter...so we have our sights on T.O. It's not ideal...but it's the best we can come up with.

Re: To old or not to old
 

Is this move forever or a couple of years?

Children in the UK, grandchildren? Potential grandchildren.? Will she work when she is here?

I was 53 when we moved and I would'nt wish it on any one. It is harder to learn new stuff. Middle aged women are not respected for the knowledge and skills they bring so if she is moving from a senior job to a lesser mortal's one it is bloody hard. If she isn't working how will she make new friends?

Re: To old or not to old
 

I came here aged 50 and have made new friends and keep in touch with my old friends. I worked full time until last summer, then returned to my previous job part-time a month ago.

To the OP - I think if your wife isn't keen, then I'm not sure if she will settle here IMHO.
Good luck with whatever you decide

Re: To old or not to old
 

Is the job you've been offered substantially better in both conditions and pay to make the hassle and sacrifice moving to Canada worth it?

Re: To old or not to old
 

Moving countries and cultures is a difficult task at any age. If you're not both filled with enthusiasm from the start, maybe it's not the right move. It's an adventure, more Indiana Jones than Sleepless in Seattle. That ark doesn't just fall into your lap.

Re: To old or not to old
 

Funny you should mention that. I was just reading this the other day:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-st...y-8520199.html

Her life expectancy will be longer in Canada!

Re: To old or not to old
 

54 is cracking on a bit. Have you given any thought to coming over solo? Canadian girls love the British accent and the majority of them seem fairly up for it... It's another option at least isn't it?

Re: To old or not to old
 

All my grandparents and most of OH's died in their late 80s early 90s. My aunty's friend's mum just turned 105 and my great aunts are 87 and 90. My neighbour's mum is 88 and my sister in laws Nana is 93 and still travels. :D

Re: To old or not to old
 

That's life expectancy if you were born today would be 79.9 yrs..if you are in your 50s your life expectancy actually increases as you age.so if you are 55 now your life expectancy would be something more like 85+:thumbup:

Re: To old or not to old
 

Thanks for the post. We move over in 3 months time and both of us are 50 and a little nervous about being older then most people who emigrate so we found your comment very encouraging.

Re: To old or not to old
 

It depends. One is making a calculation based on variables given her age and when she grew up. The major killers today are cancer, heart disease and strokes and those are mostly conditioned by lifestyle. So she grew up in the 60s and 70s, probably around people who smoked, if you throw in a divorce and bad eating and little exercise then she's going to have to work very hard to make it beyond 70 imo. The point is, does she want to spend her last remaining years freezing her backside off in Canada?

Re: To old or not to old
 

Moving to a country with a higher life expectancy doesn't mean that you magically live longer.

(In LA it would just feel like it :lol:)

Re: To old or not to old
 

She's only 54 !!!!!! Not 72 ;)

Re: To old or not to old
 

Age in years and age in spirit are two separate things. Some people are old and set in their ways by 21. Then there are free spirited octogenarians who are still hell bent on cramming as many new life experiences as possible into their remaining years. Age in years is just a number as long as you remain healthy.

So no, 54 is not, in itself, too old.

Job seems to be sorted. The other practicalities are healthcare and retirement.

• If there are any healthcare issues you need to check that these will be covered in the provincial healthcare scheme. If you are on medication how much will this cost in Canada?

• You will have to get over PDQ to be sure you will get anything from Old Age Security. You need a minimum of 10 years residence in Canada before age 65. You will accumulate something under the Canada Pension Plan, but not much. The best you can hope for from Canadian state pensions are around $370 pm for you and $140 for your OH if she does not work. If you intended to retire in Canada and rely on your UK state pension then you will be aware that there are no cost of living increases to the UK state pension for Canadian residents. After a while inflation will start to eat away at your disposable income. If you have other retirement income this is maybe not an issue.

Spirit is a different thing. Maybe your OH is nervous and needs a kick up the behind. If this is the case she might find she really enjoys living in Canada once she is over here. Maybe she is tied to her friends and family, and all that is familiar, and she will be as miserable as sin sitting alone in a house thousands of miles from everything that makes her life livable.

The truth is probably somewhere between the two. I don’t know what it is, neither does anyone else on this forum.

Re: To old or not to old
 

[QUOTE=Oink;10592327]It depends. One is making a calculation based on variables given her age and when she grew up. The major killers today are cancer, heart disease and strokes and those are mostly conditioned by lifestyle. So she grew up in the 60s and 70s, probably around people who smoked, if you throw in a divorce and bad eating and little exercise then she's going to have to work very hard to make it beyond 70 imo. The point is, does she want to spend her last remaining years freezing her backside off in Canada?[/QUO

Jeez, you would have us all in our boxes by 70? (I am in said age range), I am divorced, used to smoke but have big plans for my life, starting with moving back to Canada (left when I was 10yrs), this year with my husband, who has 20 working years left, and my daughters 12 and 14yrs, leaving my adult sons here but they are going to visit, one plans to move out eventually, too.
I have so much I still want to do and hope people aren't writing me off just yet :eek:

Re: To old or not to old
 

I guess that depends on your family and friends.

Re: To old or not to old
 

I came here a couple of months before my 56th birthday. I left behind grown up daughters and grandchildren. There is not a day goes by that I dont regret the decision to come here, and leave the little people behind. I will never ever get back the years I have lost watching my grandchildren grow up. Skype / face time is a wonderful thing, but its not the same as holding them or giving them a cuddle. I am lucky enough to be able to go back 3-4 times a year, but it doesnt make it any easier. My daughters miss out on having a mum to help out with baby sitting etc, and I am wracked with guilty when I know they are struggling to cope with out my support.

I have been unable to get a job here despite having a senior management role in the UK for over 20yrs.

The cold winters take their toll as you get older.

If you are young people coming to Canada, bring your family with you, or will be starting a family here then in my opinion it is far easier.

Re: To old or not to old
 

:goodpost:

Re: To old or not to old
 

I dunno about this staying where you are to be near your children, they may move on at any moment leaving you wishing you'd taken the chance to be in Ibiza or Mexico or Canada. Still less do I grasp trailing around the world after them; I assume mine grew up and emigrated, at least in part, because they wanted to define their own lives. I don't think they'd thank me for setting up next door.

I don't think any age is too old to try something and I think people should act independently of their adult children. The one caution I'd raise is that older Canadians, if they have any money, don't live year round in Canada; there's probably a good reason for that.

Re: To old or not to old
 

That's a really sad story. What was it that made you want to go to Canada in the first place? If you regret it everyday and travel back so often why don't you just return?

Re: To old or not to old
 

If i were in your situation. I would stay at home with wife and child.

Re: To old or not to old
 

What aout Spain? With the glut of unsold housing you can pick a place up on the cheap and you can still go out for a Sunday roast and do the bingo on Tuesday. :thumbup:

Re: To old or not to old
 

If you don't leave the UK, what will she be doing? Is she working now, and spending lots of time with your children? I hardly think that 54 is exactly the right age for considering Heaven's waiting room! I have just arrived in Canada myself and am certainly no spring chicken, that being said my reasons for coming were different and my family came with me. I needed knocking out of my comfort zone, and am, most days, welcoming the challenges I'm facing.

About two years ago my husband and I sat down and had a huge month long conversation, about the what's, why's and if's....it was most uncomfortable and stripped away a lot of the stuff that we had previously taken for granted. We ended up in Canada - but at least we now both feel that we are paddling in the same direction. It might be that you both just need that conversation and who knows where you may end up? Best of luck.

Re: To old or not to old
 

It was a business decision that bought us to Canada. I always knew it would only be for a few years, I thought I would be fine with it, got caught up in the excitement of something new, something different. Thought its only for a few years I will be fine - benefit of hindsight eh. I get on with life here, I am not sitting at home feeling sorry for my self. My grandchildren came over last year for the whole of the summer holiday, which was good quality time with them, that perhaps I wouldnt get if I lived in the UK. This year I am hoping that they can all come again, without their Mum's, more fun without Mum being there to tell nanny what she can and cant allow them to get away with. :) I wanted the OP to see things from perhaps his wife's/womans point of view. I think Mum's have a different relationship than Dads with their children, I am not saying one loves or cares for them more than the other, its just different. I wanted the OP to see what he may face with his wife a few years down the road if they come here, it can put a strain on a relationship. Like I said, I am lucky ,can pop back when I feel the need for a real cuddle rather than a virtual one, but I am aware that may not be possible for everyone.

Re: To old or not to old
 

Jesus! Why don't you just go home?

Re: To old or not to old
 

That's not very nice is it?

It's not always that easy...if it was I'd have gone home 16 years ago.