DannyCane

Moving to Canada has always been my dream. I remember talking about it when I was as young as 7. My family used to think I was nuts, but now they can see that I'm serious.

3 1/2 years ago we decided that we want to move to Canada, and 2 years ago this March our application finally went in. We were hoping it wouldn't take this long, but we are still waiting.

We actually bought a property in Alberta 3 years ago, and absolutely love visiting (2 or 3 times a year). We have made so many friends - more than we have over here - and they are all very supportive.

Alberta is definitely the province for us, and the live we can see us having there is exactly what we want.

We used to be able to just block the time factor out, but the longer this is taking, the more frustrating it becomes, especially for my husband who works away from home a lot and just wants to make a new life for us in Canada.

My son finishes his secondary education this year (May/June), but would love to attend the local Canadian school for a further two years, to aquire some Canadian qualifications. He already attended school in Canada 2 years ago, for 6 weeks just to try it out, and absolutely loved it. I have asked the school if this would be possible, but again we are waiting to hear.

the only sad thing is, that my now 20 year old daughter, and mother of a 5 months old baby girl, has changed her mind and doesn't want to come anymore. That part will break my heart, but I know that moving would still be the best thing for the rest of the family. Has anybody else here had experiences with leaving family members behind?

I look forward to getting to know you guys/girls better.

Judy in Calgary

Hello, Mrs. DannyCane, and welcome to the BE forum.

I see from another thread that you and your husband are sorting out the whole Labour Market Opinion thing. I hope that will speed your permanent entry to Canada.

Yes, we have several forum members who have left young adult children behind in the UK. You will not be alone in that, that's for sure.

I saw in another thread that you were German and your husband was British. At a get together of BE forum members near Calgary in December 2007, I met a charming couple who are in the same position as you. That is, the husband is British and the wife is German.

All the best with your plans, and I hope for your sakes that you'll be able to get to Alberta soon.

DannyCane

Hi Judy. Thanks for the kind words. Yes, I am originally from Germany, but have had my British passport for years.

Leaving my daughter in england will definitely not be by choice. I guess, when she agreed to moving to Canada one day she never actually thought it could happen. when she did realise that it was a real possibility, she got very cross with me, and said she would hate me for leaving her alone.

I know that this will not stop me and the rest of the family from going, but it will sure be difficult, if the moment ever comes.

How have other forum members in the same situation handled it when it was time to move?

Sabine

Judy in Calgary

With tears, for sure.

I've experienced this situation only temporarily, for a year. It was tough.

When we returned to Calgary after our two-and-a-half year expat assignment in Melbourne, our son wanted to stay behind so that he could do year twelve (the last year of high school) there. We agreed to let him do it. He made the request when he was 15 years old, and had just turned 16 when we left him behind.

I missed him a lot that year. My worst moment was receiving a phone call from his host mother informing me that he was just recovering from surgery after having broken his wrist in a skateboarding accident. He was spending the year with the family of a classmate. My husband and I had taken the precaution of giving his host parents a letter authorizing them to use their discretion in the event of a medical emergency. It was just as well that we'd done that. Because of the time difference between Melbourne and Calgary and a couple of other factors, my son's host mother wasn't able to get hold of us when the school phoned her and told her about the accident. She collected my son from school, took him to a hospital emergency room, and the two of them, together with an orthopaedic surgeon, had to make a decision without including us in the loop.

I knew that my son's host mother was giving him lots of TLC. She is a wonderful person. But not being able to rush to his bedside when I heard he'd been injured was a terrible feeling.

A couple of days after that I was out driving, doing some errands. I stopped at a red light. Suddenly my thoughts turned to my son, and I burst into tears. When the light turned green, I was almost blind from my tears. It was all I could do to wipe my eyes and carry on driving.

But I'm a great believer in letting my kids do things their way. Even at the most difficult moments during that year, I was committed to supporting my son in his decision.

I haven't yet been tested on a longer term basis. But, if one of my sons was to tell me tomorrow that he was moving to Australia (a country that they both remember very fondly), I believe I would be supportive. But, as I said, I haven't been tested.

Members of this forum do find it difficult to be separated from their family members. But phone calls and emails do help. If you wish, you can get the computer technology that allows you to not only hear each other but see each other as well. At least flights between the UK and Canada are shorter and cheaper than they are between Canada and South Africa, where my family of origin lives.

My mother, who lives in South Africa, was a refugee from Hungary after the Second World War. For several years, while the Iron Curtain was in place, my grandparents, mother and uncle couldn't visit their family members in Hungary. I was a little girl when the Hungarian Revolution took place. I remember my mother crying while my parents were listening to the evening news on the radio. After that, my mother went to great lengths to prepare and send parcels to her family members through the Red Cross. Later, when she was able to visit her family in Hungary again, her relatives told her that the parcels she had sent literally had meant the difference between life and death.

Another thing that I found tough was that I went to boarding school at the age of seven. My parents were pioneers in the bush in Swaziland, and there were no schools in the immediate vicinity. My mother home schooled me for two years to delay my departure. But, when she felt that she'd exhausted her knowledge and that I'd be missing out academically if I didn't get "proper" schooling, my parents sent me to boarding school.

Another thing to remember about it was that boarding schools were relatively common in Southern Africa. From a cultural point of view, it was considered normal. That's in contrast to Canada, where boarding schools are unusual.

I thought my mother didn't care that I was going off to boarding school. But later, when I was an adult, she told me she'd put on a brave face, thinking it would make things easier for me. She said that when she and my father got back home from delivering me to boarding school, and she saw my empty bedroom, she nearly vomited.

So, starting with my grandparents' escape from Hungary after WW II, my family has experienced a lot of separations. Although it hurts to live far away from people you love, some people have to do it for survival. But, even if it's not a question of survival, and for most members of this forum it's not, I think each person has to "follow their bliss," as Joseph Campbell said.

Lorna_D

hello aand welcome to BE. We have left a 30 year old daughter and two grandchildren and a 25 year old son behind in Wales. They would have loved to have come to Canada with us but as they are over 22 we could not bring them immediately. Someone asked me what our children said about us moving to Canada they were behind me at the time so I said to ask them, their words were, it didn't matter what they said we would have done it anyway. They did not mean that we are uncaring parents is just that they knew we would go somewhere, unfortunately we were not in a position to move when they were younger. As long as you put your daughter on your application she may be able to come later.

I know that we will sponsor ours when we have PR.

Good luck in your venture we're all here to support each other so if you want to scream feel free to do so

DannyCane

Hi Lorna. sorry to hear that you had to leave family behind, especially as they wanted to come.
We did include our daughter in our application, and I'm planning to keep her on it when things start moving. I've asked her if she would come and have the medical when it's time to do (if that ever happens), and she is not sure right now, but I think I'm 'going to make her come'. That way, if the whole thing is approved, she would have some time to change her mind about coming once we are gone. The only 'problem' we have now that she has a 5-months-old daughter with her loser boyfriend, and I think he would be the reason for not wanting to come (although we can all see that they are never going to last forever - sorry for sounding so horrible).
Right now my daughter says she hates me for even considering going. she says she 'she would never be able to leave her daughter behind'. How to make mum feel guilty!
Anyway, I hope that one day I'll be able to comment on how we made it.
Sabine

Coffeepot

Hi and welcome to BE well done on getting an established base esp lots of support, sorry to see you are leaving a daughter and granddaughter we know how that feels, we are leaving 3 children behind although i don't think they will stay in Britain at least in the short term, they are okay about us moving but a few things are coming out since new year, we are hoping to go this year and the main problem for them is us selling the family home

Our daughter is nearly 19 and on our application she is at Uni in London same as one of the boys the eldest is an Architect also in London but talking of going to OZ for a couple of years, we are taking our 7 (yesterday ) year old and he sees it as the going on holiday, The children at uni will be over at hoildays and the eldest when he can, big draw with the snow sports he loves skiing and snowboarding, my dream would be they move over there with us, my parents can't fly due to illness so we will have to come back for visits

Very mixed feelings about leaving the kids but i feel if we don't do it now we won't do it at all so feel its time to put us first

Just one thing you said about making your daughter have her medical i understood she had to have it so better check on that we have been told our daughter has to either way i think its an excellent idea, good luck with all your plans