hi guys.
im in a problemo....long story, cut to chase....

im in BC...family still in uk....
before i moved over, we sat down and discussed that i would come over first, settle down, then rest would follow as and when.

now, ive got a job, all looking good, but family say they dont wanna come!

wife is complaining of stress running the family, working a nd looking after house.
kids are in their 20s...1 working fulltime, other 2 at uni...they are saying theyre gonna fail due to extra pressures of me not being there (they ahve to pick mum up and drop her off at work, taking the dog for walks, take mum shopping etc etc)

my PR runs out in apr 2014, as does wife's.....if i want to renew it, a new law has been passed now that asks for 2 years tax returns as proof of Canadian residence (this applies for both new PR cards as well as citizenship)

if i go back now, no way can i have any tax returns to show.

they are unanimous...they want me back.
if i go back, it ll be back to same old drudgery, take wife to work, pick her up, drop son off to uni, pick him up, take dog for his walk, feed him, blah blah

end result....goodbye canada!

what can i do....

First I've heard of that.

I suppose the next question is how much do you like your family, and how far are you prepared to bluff?

yep, its true.
thanks for the response BTW!

they require ur old PR card, new photos etc etc but 2yrs tax returns as well.

if i leave now, i wont be able to produce the t/returns.

as for family, of course i love em...no 2 ways about it....

can only bluff for so long....if kid fails his degree, im toast....
if i dont go back, im still toast...

As harsh as this sounds, they are young adults, if they want their education they have to go and get it. There will always be a reason to fail something, if you look for it.

At their age, I had been out of my family home for 4 years and was buying my first flat, going to night school and working. They have energy at this age to cover all bases, its not up to you to make it all work for them.

This was a deal (right?) they have chosen to move the goal posts, they cant just expect you to drop everything and there not be any fall out.

I know that this is a difficult situation and really requires lots of thought, discussion and compromise if poss, so of course its hard to put all that here, but again - its their education.... they have to be accountable for achieving it.

This is going to sound harsh but...................

Are you effing kidding me, your (adult) children are blaming you for the potential failing of their exams because they have to take their mum to work and walk the dog??????????

Wow. It's not your fault if your kid fails, its his own and it seems like because he might be having a hard time at the minute, you are the easiest one to blame. For the love of god tell the kids to suck it up. Does your wife want to come to Canada???? If she does then get her over here and tell the kids to stop with the emotional blackmail and grow up.

Why can't your wife get herself to work btw????? and again yes its tough bing a single parent but she's not the only one who's ever done it, and your kids are not kids, so really all shes got to do is tidy up and go to work?????

You need to tell em to toughen up a bit.

I am 23 and i would never do such a thing that really is some cheek to blame a parent that its there fault that there going to fail exams. its time they stood on there own two feet you cant be there all there lives to bail them out. i am still laughing no offence intended they sound so spoilt its about them they see what the real world is like and that there daddy cant be there to spoil them. the problem is they don't want there degrees bad enough they know if they fail they can blame you which is a terrible thing to do.

Sounds like you've already left them behind in reality and maybe are just looking for emotional closure. So, go ahead, sod your family, cut all ties with them. Get yourself a new girlfriend. You only have one life to live, why do it considering others?

Sorry to hear about your problems.

Regarding the PR card, you are required to show proof of residency for 2 years out of the previous 5 - passport pages and 1 other type. Whilst tax returns are one way of proof, it states that if you don't have that you can send a signed declaration explaining why. (http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/informa...s/5445ETOC.asp) Do remember though that a PR card is just proof of PR, it is not PR itself - so will you have been in Canada for 2 years in the past 5 when it expires in 2014? It is any 2 year period, not just the 2 years prior to the 5 year period expiring.

Could you take a leave of absence from your job for a month and go back and try and sort it all out? When was the last time you were back?

Going on to your children, they need to be a little less selfish. Are they using emotional blackmail because their mother wants you to return - perhaps their Mum is missing you and is resentful and making their life miserable, and they are lashing out.. who knows, but they need to grow up. Do none of them want to come to Canada, ever? I'm guessing that you are sending money back to help support the family, though they probably aren't thinking about that aspect. It sounds as if they could do with a dose of reality - if you went back is there any guarantee you would even be able to get a job?

I suppose the big question is, what do you want more - your life in Canada or your wife and family? If your wife gave you an ultimatum, Canada or her, which would you choose? If you would have difficulty deciding which you would choose then it's probably not your wife and family - I know that sounds harsh - because if it was there would be no difficulty deciding, it would be an automatic "Yup, I'm coming back".

In honesty, it sounds to me that you have already reached the point where you will be incredibly resentful if you have to return - and how will that work for you? Not the best thing for a successful relationship, that's for sure.

Only you know what it is you really want - I suppose it's decision time - it's a tough call.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

thanks for all the replies...much obliged.

sioxie...i didnt realise that you could sign a declaration etc....that could be a way out.

i have already got 3 years out of 5, so thats no problem.

as for family, yes, kids have always been molly-coddled from day one.....but the biggest thorn in our sides has been their grandparents...theyve always conspired to give myself and wife a real hard time, and its gradmum who started the ball rolling this time by saying to my wife....well, if he's staying there then it looks like its gonna end in a divorce! i mean, how mean is that!

in order to save my own family, im gonna have to make a snap decision, and looks likely i'll go back and see whats happened, sort it out, then come back again later.

before leaving, i did tell my family that its gonna be hard, but grit your teeth and it'll be ok later on. and the dig? i did tell kids not to get one, which they did when i was there, and as usual, i ended up looking after him...morning walks 6am, evening walk 3pm, feed, etc etc, now that im not there, they have to do it, which i told them theyd find tough when i left.

thats the way my family is folks.....manipulated by the grandparents....
even now, they say well if he comes back, tell him not to blame any of you...its his decision, not yours! yes, it will be my decision, but because of who?

i just feel real peed off, pardon me, after putting myself on the line...for it all to end this way. ok, living is living...live here in B or in Uk, no big deal....but i know theres no future in the UK now....and we're throwing away a chance in a lifetime....woe is me....!

Seems a bit harsh a 20+ year old blaming a parent mate.

My missus is going to be almost all alone with 3 young kids all in primary school(except the youngest who is in nursery),and she is telling me to GO.

By that age I had served in the forces and started doing what I will be doing in Canada next month!(I agree with national service though,young adults NEED discipline!)

Hopefully everything works out for you mate,its a tough spot,and my missus gave me the ultimatum at first(I chose Canada,I bluffed,and won!),now she has come around,and can't wait to leave the UK.

Wow, what a position to put you in! They should be grateful Dad has gone ahead and down the groundwork ready for everyone else to move over.
You say your wife is finding it stressful living without you but that should change when she moves to Canada right?
It is the here and now that is hard but it should only get better.

Ultimately I would see it as a decision between you and your wife, you have moved, got the job, all she has to do is follow and if the kids come too great, if not, then maybe they will follow in the future. You are opening up options to them they wouldn't otherwise have and giving them a choice.
Good Luck!

It seems to me that the grandparents are being enabled to behave this way by you giving in to them, and so are your children.
The grandparents have lived their lives, by making their own choices. Your children will do the same. You will be back in the UK because you are being manipulated and then you may well feel bitter

Sounds like you need to take a trip back to get this sorted. Flights aren't too expensive at this timer year are they?

Won't your wife lose her PR status seeing as she is still in the UK? If it runs out next year how can she get the 2 years out of 5 in in time?

+1

i dont know why you dont cut your kids adrift for gods sake they are old enough to look after themselves...i left home at 16..what is it with 20+ children these days???

Didnt you know? The world owes them a living and a easy life, funded in part by the bank of mum and dad - thanks reality tv and benefits