Zhanna

Hi guys,

My husband, our 9-year old daughter and I landed as PRs last August.

Our plan was to try and apply for jobs for my husband from the UK, while preparing for the move, and if nothing comes up until beginning of summer, he would resign, go to Toronto alone (more IT jobs), and look from there (employment consultants insist physical absence from Canada hampers his chances of finding employment). We would join him later in time for our daughter to start school in September.

But having applied for a few dozens of IT Dir/VP roles - followed up by phone calls (as advised on BE), and no results - my husband decided that suspension is unbearable and decided to resign straight away, move to Toronto in April, and throw all his time and energy at looking for jobs locally. He doesn't mind stepping down a bit.

This means we might end up being separated for nearly half a year. I would be most grateful if people who have been through similar experience could share their thoughts and tips. Do you think this is the right way to go about moving? Did separation have negative/positive/any impact on your relationship or upset children? Anything else you could think of? While my husband is away, I will have to arrange container, rent out our house, research schools in the area where he (hopefully) finds a job, then resign myself and fly over..

With many thanks,
Zhanna

Oink

As long as there is trust in the relationship you should be okay.

Piff Poff

Plenty of people have done it. Myself and OH were separated for just under two months, it was tough but necessary, some strange feelings come into play, both of us felt lack of support - him for being in a foreign country, starting a new life, me, for trying to finish up our old life on my own. Then there was the jealousy from my part of him finding all these new and wonderful exciting things without me, and from his part of me doing the final visiting of family and having last days out - basically having fun without him. We were able to spend 10-15 mins a day on the phone, so no long conversations or reassurances etc. I won't lie, it was hard, but others have done far longer and survived.

cheeky_monkey

Not so much about trust..as growing apart if the separation is protracted.

Tangram

I did 7 months over here before family came over. It's doable but I wouldn't do it again.

Aviator

We did it for six months on and off. I did travel back to the UK for a couple of days here and there, which helped.

It is not easy, but can be done, harder on the children. I would recommend a monthly visit back home for a long weekend.

Geordie Lass

I wouldn't have done it personally.

My son started school mid year over here. I just wouldn't have wanted to be apart that long.

Is there a reason why you are waiting until September or is it just so she can finish the school year? Curriculum is different anyway so I don't think it matters at what point a newcomer starts school in terms of what point in the year.

If I were in your shoes I'd be rushing about and sorting everything out and coming over with him.

Just my 2 cents.

not2old

do it together - sink or swim the immigrant way.

Together is better, you will be able to support each.

SchnookoLoly

My husband did 3 months apart. It sucks, but it's doable. We used Hangouts via gmail to stay in touch during weekdays when the time difference made it hard to speak on the phone (he'd get home from work around 7pm, which would be midnight in the UK for me). Then we'd actually talk on weekends. Regular messages about what we were ding just helped us feel like we were still knowing what the other was doing. We skyped on weekends to see each other. He was living with my family, so he had some support as well, but I did get a bit jealous when he started hanging out with my friends from uni and such, but ultimately it was great because he was starting to get himself established. I went back to visit a few times, and ultimately left my job in order to spend more time in Canada - I had to do it as a visitor, though, as I was maintaining UK residency while waiting for citizenship to come through. It wasn't easy, but it was doable. As long as you know that there's an end in sight, then it works out. Maybe set a deadline for how long until you will either give up and move back, or you will move you and your daughter to be with him, even if he hasn't found something yet. With an ending in sight, it's much easier to get through.

Zhanna

Many thanks to everyone for sharing and advice! Opinions seem to be divided, and I can see why. We really appreciate your input and will now have to sit down and look at all the options again.

ann m

I can't think of any good reason, school-wise, why it would be so essential for your child to finish the academic year in the UK - they are not doing GCSE's or A levels. Get over here, all of you together, and let your child have a month or two at their new Canadian school, so they know some kids to hang out with in the summer.

Good luck - and happy adventures.

Piff Poff

I don't see where opinions are divided at all, it looks to me like people are saying it's doable, as people have done it, but it sucks big time and the best way to do it is all together if possible. Seeing as there isn't a job with a start date and your not waiting for a house to finalise, I can't see any reason why you wouldn't all go together.

Zhanna

Oh, yes, absolutely, all the replies are actually very comforting. What I meant was more an answer to my own internal struggle - let him go alone or join him - and some people say separation option is hard but it worked for them, others - just do it together. So we are just weighing all the pros and cons of both scenarios. I lean towards going together, husband - going first :-) Huge thanks to everyone again!

Jericho79

Immigration is very expensive, and requires a large sacrifice- missing family, friends, home comforts, etc, etc.

If you were moving from a third world country, I can see why some might feel sacrifices are worthwhile, but for people moving from the UK, it's not worth it, IMO. It's taken me a good few years to come to this realisation mind, but think very carefully about what you're giving up, and what you think you'll gain.

I've seen a number of families come over separately, and for some it works. It's not the way we would do it though, but to each their own.

Oink

I'd of thought most blokes would welcome a break from it all. A chance to go out pissing it up and whoring about a bit without the constant moaning.